First entry of 2010!

Seems that I've not updated my blog for quite some time! Just thought of dropping a few thoughts here, and a quick prayer to begin the new year!

God I'm in such a pile of work I don't know where to start, I don't feel like doing anything, and I'm feeling sleepy as side effects from the pills! What a bad way to begin 2010.. sighz.

I didn't go service on Sunday cos I was so sleepy n tired after going cycling on sat night with Joan, then had supper at Carls junior at east coast. i don't think we got home too late, cos after supper i just sent joan home then went home to play a bit of game, but i was just pure lazy to go church on sunday. I had a headache n overslept n Joan waited 2 hours at tpy mrt station for me.. i'm so sorry i wasted her time, but i assumed that she was not going service cos she said she slept at 6 am due to vomitting or something.. i mean, i read a SMS at 6 am in the morning, half asleep n not thinking straight, what should i expect?? anyway, next time i will switch my phone to silent mode n check SMSes only in the morning after i'm totally awake!

Spent the afternoon trying to piece together a new furniture my parents bought for $500 from ikea, too 2 hours to set up the base only! totally annoying, didn't expect it would take so long just to piece together a few pieces of wood! then joan insisted i meet her and she told me she wanted to pass the ring back to me becos she wasn't ready.

Oh God, i could've just heard my heart break there n then. I don't get it. I don't know why she would feel stressed from the ring. i mean, its just a ring. we've been living as if we're engaged anyway, so what difference would it make? i couldn't understand, and i was so angry. i use anger to cover my sadness n disappointment, becos, well, i generally don't like to show that i'm vulnerable or weak. weakness is for pussies. i threatened to throw away the ring n if she returns it i will never propose again. which is of course nonsense...

i dunno but i feel the whole engagement is a BIG mistake. i did it too rashly, i didn't give her enough time to think through it, and worse, i overreacted when she told me she was having some problem accepting the engagement. i really don't know what to do, or who to confide in because i'm going to lose a lot of face if i tell the whole truth to anyone... and my ego n pride doesn't allow that. i will never cry in front of anyone except God or Joan, i told myself that long ago..

but this whole engagemenet thing has turned into a big mess.. i got sick with rashes, i couldn't go to work on monday cos i was too upset n the rash was so bad i went to see dr kwok.. i should've asked for 2 days MC, but there's so much work in office that i know i have to force myself to go back to work.. i dunno how to deal with this. i never though i'd feel so depressed after getting engaged, i only thought we would be so happy together.. i feel like i've failed Joan, i've failed God, i've made so many mistakes..

My new year resolution not to use vulgar words was broken so easily. my other resolution to control my temper was also gone while i flared up at the yishun mrt on sunday night. i've got no more motivation to make anymore resolutions, to do anything.. i wanna quit my job n just wallow in misery at home.. this sense of chaos and failure just looms over me. sigh.

I'm sorry God, i'm sorry.. i just can't live my life right, i can't do things right without You in it..

Totally annoyed, so much work to do, so little time.. and I don't even feel motivated to do anything.

Its already 5.30 pm according to the clock on my computer, I just wanted to drop a note to complain and whine about work and how much it sucks.

I don't think I can take much more of this. If this goes on, I think I will really quit my job within the next few months.

I haven't even asked for one day leave to shift house next friday, and boss is in such a foul mood, I doubt she would agree to it.. and I got so much work I haven't got the foggiest idea where to start.. or when it'll end.

Anyway back to work.. i got emails to send, documents to finalise, etc..

Sharlyn's wedding, STOMP, and various other stuff

Actually wrote an entry a few days ago, but duno why when i tried to upload it, the internet connection was down, so the whole post disappeared! yes, irritating things like that does happen to blogger once in awhile. Or maybe its just my internet connection that's cranky. but anyway..

Seems like my birthday party came n went in a flash. i took days, even weeks preparing for it, and it was all over in about 3-4 hours. i still haven't gotten the photos from thomas and ziqian lah. quite annoyed by that. even my pri sch friends already posted the pics up. whats the point of being professional but SLOW?? i honestly don't care much for the quality of pics or the lighting or whatever, as long as i can nice pics of me n my friends. i think thats the problem with all those amatuer photographers out there. you think that just by buying a SRL camera from canon or whatever branded camera, u're ready to take nice pictures n produce results. honestly, most pple don't care about all the details, as long as they have nice pics to remember the occasion, the joy, the emotion, the friends and the fun. And i really think 2 weeks is a little too slow to get my pics ready lah.

But enough about annoyances, more about the good stuff.

Sharlyn's wedding was certainly eventful! Dances, video clips, strikeforce drumming performances, etc. I had 2 costume changes, and ate only like 4 of the dishes, cos we were too busy preparing for the performances! had lots of fun w darshan, ruyuan, esther, edwin, jasmine, irenus, joan n the rest practicing for the big MJ Beat It performance! at least those pics are up on facebook! rushed home to change, then went to expo svc. after expo svc we went to airport for dinner n lo and behold, ian n millie ran into liting n her boyfriend! i didn't get a chance to see him, but it was good catching up w liting for awhile, she does look skinnier n a bit haggard though. Work n studying isn't too healthy for anyone at all. After having popeye's we went to Azzucar with David n Neo for some chilling, but it turned out to be a clubbing place with loud reggae and latin music! wasn't really in the mood to club cos we were all really tired, except for David Lee and Neo of course, those guys had so much energy to dance it was really amazing! we left at about 1.30 am, cos was really too damn tired to dance much or hang out any longer.

Sunday we woke up pretty late, n had a quick meal before rushing to esplanade to watch STOMP! dunno why i found it a bit boring at parts, but maybe cos i watched before already, so i expected what they were going to do. thanks YQ for belated birthday present, i absolutely love the belt n the special buckle!

Tues nite had practice for Sat's gig, then had KFC w Meiqi at sing post while waiting for the rest to finish their prac. apparently CK, reid, julia, valerie, yuhong n jason went to Hongkong w Boon for 4 days, n they'll be back on sunday. So Shoik lah, wish i could still go on such overseas trips with them.

Watching Darah w amelie later tonight after work, cos sat she can't make it n has to visit some friends or something. Sat gig reporting time is 4 pm, so quite early also lah. its 2.30 now, another 4.5 hours to do some decent work n then meet amelie at plza sing for dinner n movie. damn, my eyes are closing, i'm sleepy n lethargic.. no motivation to finish my work at all. sigh. but no choice lah, got to do up my stuff n send out some documents by today. oh well at least thank God today is already Thursday, just 1 more working day till the weekend!!

Feeling a little out of touch..

Nothing really much to update, except that Lena and her boyfriend have broken up, Amanda and her boyfriend broke up and she's now with someone new, Sebastian got attached, etc etc.. Nowadays at this age, all i'm hearing about are pple get attached or breaking up or getting married or worse, getting divorce.

I feel so out of touch with my friends, really. I don't get to meet up with SF pple n play gigs as often as I'd like to, I don't meet up with BK clarence n the guys to play LAN games anymore maybe except once every 3 months or so, I don't meet up with my old pals like christine or yongqiang at all, maybe like once every 6 months? Its quite sad n a little disturbing to know that work life takes away time spent with friends and family.

It could be that I really need a vacation. Not just a weekend getaway, but a really long vacation, maybe take leave for a whole week to chill up and catch up with friends. Of cos i still spend lots of time with Joan, and we've really been able to work on our relationship, n we haven't quarrelled for quite a long time, amazingly. Or at least the quarrels are small and minor n usually over in 15 mins.

Anyway i'm quite excited for a few things:

1) Mambo at zouk tonight w clarence, michelle, amelie, junyi, etc.
2) Chijmes dinner with family and cousins tml night at hog's breath cafe, probably followed by drinks or something
3) Friday KTV with SF pple after cell group, prob gonna sing till 2 am at least
4) Saturday don't really have anything planned, except for a music practice w Genieve, the guest violin player. I really wish my brother were here, it seems that my brother n i have literally the same or very similar taste in music, n we often really flow with each other when it comes to making music. hahaha.. but i guess sat is always fun meeting up with joan n spending time together w her.
5) sunday we got dance practice at the airport after expo svc, after which i'm gonna rush home to teach clarence, sweekeng, mikki n michelle the MJ dance for beat it, for the birthday party opening act! its only a 3 hour long party, n i've spent like days organising it. hahaha.. but i can't help it, i like holding big events and celebrations with friends! haha..

then after this weekend, next weekend is also filled with activites:

1) sharlynn's wedding at 11 am, probably gonna take up the whole day cos we need to reach by 10 am to prepare (or maybe even earlier!)
2) STOMP performance at esplanade on sunday afternoon at 2 pm! which reminds me to get the tickets from YQ, and to attend sat svc w Joan too

so many things to plan and prepare, its a hectic but fun month of october! hahaha..

Jurong Bird Park, Xiangling's 19th birthday celebration, Strikeforce gathering cum Neo's farewell party!

Boss isn't in today, so finally can have some time to blog about the past weekend!

I've got like 8 matters to settle, but I don't know why I just don't have the motivation to get started on any work today. Guess I'm still feeling the effects from the enjoyable weekend that I had!

Friday night Joan went out with her friends, and I fetched her from Clark quay area around 1 am, n she stayed over at my place so we could get up early to go to JBP. Joan was worried about the weather, but I somehow knew that the weather would be good, despite of the fact that it was raining the past few days!

True enough, the weather was nice n sunny. In fact it was so hot that when we got back to the car at about 5 plus pm, Joan couldn't even sit on the seat cos the leather was so hot! Haha.. but anyway we got up quite late, around 10 am, and after quick washup, we didn't even have time to eat breakfast, we drove to JBP and reached there about 11 plus. We had already missed the first 2 shows in the morning. =P but its ok, cos we really needed the sleep! hahaha.. We spent only $18 for the tickets, cos its a one for one deal during the month of August. =)

But of cos, we spent a bit more on the food! I bought an ice cream for $3.50, the Bongo burgers meal even after 20% discount was about $22 (before was around $27). The beef bongo burger and the fish n chips were not too bad though, only the drinks were expensive. $3.50 for ice milo and $3.50 for the lemonade was already like $7!

We took a lot of pics, about 100+ photos, walked a super long distance around the bird park, from 11 am till about 5.15 pm. Joan was super amazed and impressed that in many sections, the birds were actually free to fly and roam around, visitors could get up close and personal with the many beautiful colourful and exotic birds. from the large ostrich to the tiny little red coloured small birds which could fly THROUGH the small holes in the fences, from the colourful parrots to the majestic predators, there were really so many birds to look at. the lories at the lory loft were really friendly but noisy, and the bird park sold bird food at $3 a cup. Didn't want to waste money, i would rather spend the money on human food for myself. Hahaha.. Oh, we saw one of the parrots singing a chinese song, rasa sayang, and a birthday song! Thats amazing, they no longer just say "hello", the intelligent birds can sing songs as well! i don't know if the birds are getting smarter or the trainers are getting better. haha.

i think we visited about 5 enclosures in the bird park, and the flamingo lake was really quite beautiful for weddings n events. there are probably at least 100 of those pink birds! there were a lot of swans n pelicans n herons as well, i suppose there were plenty of fish in the lake too.

Oh n joan actually went to touch a large blue pigeon n poked it. haha. those birds are really not afraid of humans anymore, probably used to seeing tourists everyday. i think the bird park is smaller than the zoo though there are more varieties of birds.

in the evening, we went to vivocity Marche for dinner to celebrate xiangling's 19th birthday. joan n i had a quick drink at the mac, cos we were so thirsty from the walking n the heat at the bird park! supposed to have about 12 pple, but in the end, everyone was late. at 7 pm only xiangling, joan n i were there. by 7.45 pm, only daryl had arrived. BK and michelle appeared later, and bowen came much later, and yishan and toonsiong were the last to arrive. The food at marche wasn't that great, but it was EXPENSIVE. not worth it, i won't go back there again. =P but its for a friend, so still ok.

We left the place around 10 plus and went to jewel box on top of mount faber, wanting to try the oreo milkshake, but sadly, they did not have that on the menu anymore. but its ok, cos the view from the toilet was very nice. the toilet itself was well designed, very high class looking, had a fish tank, and transparent glass walls facing the sentosa view! apaprently it was an award winning toilet, very beautiful and exquisite looking. had a few drinks n dessert while xiangling, michelle n joan went to find their old work colleagues. actually the view is not so nice now, cos so much construction going on in sentosa, it looks like some harbour or factory.

but anyway we talked a lot about cell group stuff, how different pple are doing, about Boonkiat's love interests, n joked about everybody and everything! it was really funny, Michelle said "BK like to play with little brother, and Momo has a little brother that BK can play with!" and then i burst out laughing, n everyone caught the meaning n we laughed until pple from other tables looked at us. hahaha! the dessert at $11.80 was totally not worth it, but joan n the rest had free drinks on the house, so not bad lah. sent XL and daryl home around 12 plus n it actually felt early n I was uploading the day's pics on fb, but joan had already fallen asleep. haha! i think it was roughly about 3 am when i finally went to bed.

the next day supposed to wake up at 8.30 to meet alicia for a short BS, then support peijin water baptism, n attend svc, but we missed everything n i woke up at about 12.30 pm! can't help it, had a bit of a fever during the night, cos Joan took all the blankets and it was really cold around 4 am! Joan prepared spaghetti and chicken for breakfast, it was satisfyingly good! we watched Simpsons n lazed around, and reached studio at about 4 pm for a short rehearsal for the song Time of Your Life by Greenday.

Neo's farewell party was an enjoyable one, lots of SF videos and even the old SF Funniest Videos made a comeback! Ian really did some nice editing and mixing for the NDP, GDOP and FOP performances, as well as the YOG performance, which sadly i wasn't able to perform for. But still, from the videos, I could see i'm still in the major performances such as NDP, GDOP and FOP, although i've not played for commerical private events much in 2009. working life is really tiring and time consuming, even if i could end work on time to rush to play for gigs, i would prefer not to, as it takes up a lot of energy and i'd have to skip dinner n rush home after the gig to get some rest. think its really time for the next generation of SF members to do the performing, while the older guys take a back seat. Hehz.. F1 in Sept, prob my last gig for the year as well as Neo's last gig in Singapore.

Anyway the food was really nice, esp the chicken and the dessert, mangopudding with cocktail. not too bad for $10. after a couple of videos, n boon's speech about UDC and SF, we sang a song for Neo, n everyone went to give him a hug. I couldn't really do it, I think I might actually cry on the day that he leaves SG! hahaha.. but anyway chowkiat did one of the best tributes to Neo, he did a drum solo for him! that was really cool, n best expression of love ever! hahaha..

Thank God for a wonderful weekend! I totally enjoyed myself, the fellowship with friends, the quality couple time with Joan. i guess what would've made it better was if i hadwent for service n heard pastor phil's sermon! =P but oh well, whats done is done, i also dunno why i felt feverish in the morning, i didn't get drenched in the rain at all. perhaps just my body overworking itself to keep up with my busy schedule! hahaha..

Alright, i've slacked the whole morning, time to eat lunch n get down to some serious work after lunch. Thank You Jesus for a fantastic, totally fulfilling weekend! One of the best weekends of 2009!! Hahaha..

Super busy weekend!

Dedicated to God and CHC: Happy 20th anniversary!

Dear God,

Realised I've not blogged for quite a long time! Spending more time writing notes on facebook rather than blogging. But anyway, just an update on whats been going on in my life for the past week..

Thank You for the great and wonderful weekend! Truly, I enjoyed myself since last thursday, going for meetings and eating good food, and on Friday, my boss brought us to the top of Pan Pacific restaurant for a tim sum lunch which is really good! I will definitely bring Joan to eat there one day.

Then at 7.30 pm, while i was driving mindice home w joan in the car, chowkiat called n asked me to go for FOP SF prac at 8.30 pm! had a small disagreement w joan, but in the end we did went to the fish n chicks place at sembawang for dinner, n arrived at studio at about 9.15 pm, n practice hadn't even started yet! prac was supposed to end by 10 pm, but it dragged on until about 10.50 pm, n we started singing ktv only at about 11.15 pm if i remember correctly. not long enough man, only about 2 hours n we had to pay $12 each. we still went to Mac for a bite n chatted for a while n finally left for home about 2.15 or so. GK last min didn't come, but he said he'll pay me lah, so nevermind.. Not really satisfied w that KTV session though, will prob organise another one when we're all less busy! By the time we sent everyone home, we reached home at about 3.30 am, slept around 4 am. I actually managed to wake up at 11 am to rush for NDP preview, which is not too bad, imho! LOL! Joan was still lazing around when I was packing my stuff n left the house to drive to marina square at around 11.45.

Thank You also for giving me the energy to last through the NDP preview! I don't know why, during the rehearsal I was already perspiring like crazy, but during the actual performance, I was even more nervous n felt my throat was dry n felt a littleweak n a bit stunned at how fast things seemed to be moving! perhaps its stage fright, but considering i've performed in front of thousands of pple before, it shouldn't be stage fright.. but all in all, the NDP preview was quite good, i managed to pull off chapter 3 and 5 without much difficulty. Forgot to take my gold costume, but fortunately Red ran back to get it for me, haha. See, all things work for the good of those who love Him! I've learnt to not get angry when things don't go smoothly, and learn to be adaptive and flexible, to solve the problem rather than blame the persons responsibile for the mistake. Sure, there's a time to scold n rebuke, but when the problem presents itself, it needs to be solved before the scolding n finger pointing can behind. at least that is what i believe. to solve the most urgent problem, n finding the root of the problem or the cause only later. reacting according to the situation, rather than to emotions.

But enough w NDP preview. Janice had her birthday at D1415 at downtown east, n it hard finding a car park there! despite the new multi-storey car park, it was still super crowded. had to rush to eat my dinner, n met up w John n Mikki, n of cos the birthday girl janice. I don't even know why I consider her a friend, like a god daughter, when she's so obsessed with her looks n her modelling thing, which i doubt she can do for much longer. maybe another 3-5 years at most. but i don't like her smoking, ah beng, vulgar friends. see what happens when u backslide? =P but still, had a good time w John n Mikki, catching up w each other, sharing whats happening. John's a designer for ceramic company apparently, n Mikki has problem w an emo cg member. oh n janice has amazingly large posters of herself at her party, n we were taking many photos of those posters, quite funny! Hahaha.. after sending everyone home, i reached home about 2 am or so? second night of returning home so late! sleep depravity in motion!

Sun morning, we tried to wake up at 6.30 am for the 9 am svc, so we could reach SIS by 7.15 to join the queue to get the commemorative glass block, but in the end i was too tired, n just sms alicia that we'd go for the second service at 11.30 am. we woke up later around 10, n reached SIS around 11.20 am, just in time to find 2 seats (thanks Grace!) just before svc started. Thank God it was a celebration service w little preaching, if not i'm sure i would've dozed off! Had lunch at pastamania after svc w Joan, n even had time to drive her to meet SHufen at Suntec, before driving back to SIS for SF prac which begun only around 4 pm (supposed to meet at 3.30 pm lor, n i'm actually one of the earliest pple to reach!). The performance was only like maybe 2 min max, but it was good! Rev Canon James Wong liked it, n we hoped so did the audience.. a small crowd which occupied the floor area and a bit of the sides. =p quite pathetic, to be honest.

After dinner at ajisen ramen, i sent joan home n walked up the creaking new stairwell, then reached home at around 10 plus. so that concludes the busy n fruitful weekend! Amen!

----------

Now its monday afternoon at 2.22 pm, another 3.5 hours till i get to go home n sleeeeeeepp!! super sleepy n tired, n finished reaching Cain's Last Stand. not exactly one of his best books, very average story only. but anyway my eyes are still on the verge of closing, think i shouldn't have read finish the book n slept so late. but weekends are precious to me, n i honestly don't think i can do very much else besides eat n sleep on a weekday! =P

At least the actual NDP is around the corner, my final performance as part of the national day parade! time for the younger memebrs in strikeforce to grow up n take over my place. hahaha..

I don't know what to do..

I should be with the guys at NDP getting ready for the preview. But I'm just so damn tired n don't feel like doing anything.

Had a big arguement with Joan last night. Well, not so much an arguement, but she was yelling at me and complaining that I don't spend enough time with her. I don't know what to say to that, I just can't be bothered to talk about it cos I think that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

I've got a hell lot of work left uncompleted, i'm supposed to go back to office this morning, but I really don't feel motivated to do anything now except stay home and rot. The sky looks dark like its about to rain again. I just recovered from flu, I can't afford to get sick again.

Nothing cheers me up nowadays, I just feel so moody and depressed.. Work sucks, I'm not feeling well, my girlfriend's mad at me for something I don't even understand, and I don't know what to do.