i dun know whats going on...

Dear God,

i really don'lt understand why i can treat her so badly...

i should be super happy n working hard for my exams now. i just got promoted MM yesterday afternoon, also got promoted to contact head for the Strikeforce. i got many pple to sign up for ministry, so many things r going well for me... on the surface.

but i really dunno why i can't let go of jessie. i don't want her to backslide cos of me, i'll feel guilty for a long long long time...

i'm really sorry i shouted vulgarities at her last week. i just couldn't help it... it was like i was possessed n became someone else! i couldn't control my anger n disappointed, n wanted to her to taste my hurt as well...

i want to change for the better, i'm know i'm not perfect.

but really, if jessie backslides becos of me, i won't have the courage to face You anymore. instead of helping her, i made matters worse. how can u forgive someone who causes your sheep to stumble? You said in Your Word that woe to him who causes the little ones to stumble!

how can i face You knowing what i did to jessie?

God pls don't let her backslide...

i don't want her to fall away cos of some foolish things i said... n i don't want to backslide cos of my own silly sins also... i wish i can just change the past but i can't! i can only try to move on.

Jesus i really pray that you'll forgive me, n look after jessie.. i know she's not the one for me, now that she isn't even coming to church anymore, how can we be equal yoke.. but i do hope that she comes back after her exams, when she's feeling better...

n also God, if it is possible, let this cup be taken from me... yet nonetheless, not my will but Yours be done.. if i have to give her up n move on, i will.

thank you Lord for everything you've given to me. help me be a good n faithful steward to your sheep.

in Jesus name,
Amen