Was it really a vision or just my imagination?

At service today during worship I felt something really electric.. something I totally did not expect to feel so suddenly, so fiercely, so vividly.. and yet after the service on the way home to the Strikeforce gathering at my place, i had already begun to doubt.

Yup, had a SF gathering at the function room at my place, and it was really great n perhaps i'll blog about it when i'm at office tml, but now i think i want to capture my vision quickly before it dies away.

recently i'm been plagued by thoughts of the worst kind. not merely of sins, but really gross sins. i've not committed them yet, but the Bible already says having thoughts of such things is already committing the sin itself. thoughts that i wouldn't even dare to share with my closest buddy, or my spiritual leaders. its too shameful and downright immoral to even mention it.

perhaps its becos of the unforgiveness and bitterness i have towards certain pple. Better to let go and let God, i felt the Holy Spirit prompt me today while taking holy communion. after all, the only person i'm really hurting in the end is myself. so i chose to forgive n forget. and i realise it isn't all that easy to forgive anymore.

but that's beside the point, let me explain what happened at worship again.

i can't even remember the worship song, but i do remember it was the first one. i think it was hallelujah or something? anyway, during the first verse i remember a dark shadow coming over me. it wasn't from the lights or anything, it was coming OUT of me, out of my own body, how i don't know. it was something sinister and unexplanable. then i also remember during the chorus, a blazing fire came pouring out of the sky, buring everything around me, buring away the blackness, buring away my very skin itself. and i was screaming in pain, it was the holy fire of the Lord cleansing me, i knew it was, but at the same time it burned and i suffered and endured great pain. then the Lord spoke to me.. He will answer my prayer, but only if I'm willing to pay the price of holiness. And it will not be a pleasant process, it will not be painless, it will not be easy. but if i love Him, if i truly want to do His will, i will say, let it be according to Your Word. i forgive everyone i should forgive, God you help me to forget no matter how hard it is. I humble myself and put on a servant attitude, no matter how high my pride n ego wants to lift me.

as soon as i prayed that prayer, i felt such a burden lifted off my life. then the fire which was burning and consuming me, suddenly became to feel warm and comforting, and i was whole and unhurt by the fire.

was that really a vision from God? i haven't had a vision in a very very long time, not so clear as this one. but then again i haven't been praying or reading the Bible very much, haven't i? one verse a day on facebook isn't enough at all. in fact its kind of pathetic how i try to make excuses for myself to justify my laziness to do spiritual things.

pastor tan's msg really sank into my heart n i pray my spirit too. let me pray with more fervency, more power, more urgency, more regularly, more persistently. let me fellowship with the God of my forever once more.