Friday, October 14, 2005

what i really learnt from the trip...

Dear God,

after recording the events at osaka, i'm now going to say what i really learnt from the trip.. cos its not just a performance, it was quite a wake up call for me too.. as well as a test of my willingness to pray n set aside time for You in the midst of all the activities.. its better to write them down so i can always refer to it..

i didn't really do much QT during the trip as during the Israel trip, which made me feel kind of bad.. becos even if its not a "mission trip", we were there to make a difference for You in the long run.. short prayer meetings won't ever replace a personal Qt.. so i really hope to build up my prayer life even more, cos prayer is the only way to talk to You.. for You to hear whats in my heart, to refresh me.. help me do what i cannot in the natural.

i remember the 1st night when arthur n me had a really long talk about our christian life.. about many things actually.. he's like the handsome guy who doesn't care about looks at all, doesn't even bother about girls.. simply amazing. He knows that looks don't matter to You, so it doesn' matter to him. that is something that i need to learn from him.. to stop worrying bout such outward stuff..

anyway we were discussing about cell group n then i realised how young he was n yet able to do so much.. i just celebrated my 23rd birthday n i'm still behaving like a 21 year old, sometimes even a 18 yr old! maybe its cos i mix with young members all the time, or hang out with younger crowd, i don't like to mix with "adults" cos they always talk about boring stuff, n seem so sober n materialistic.. but i realised, i have to grow up. i have to be an adult.. to make decisions, stop depending on other pple, do what is right when i have to, to listen to advice n counsel of older pple, help the younger ones do the right things instead of laughing my way through along with them...

God i really need to sing that worship song.. All i need is You.. cos i know my studies is messed up now.. i have too much BF to fulfil.. my cell group is going thru the toughest time in the year, members are backsliding.. my choir group members are hounding me n giving me problems, fail prelims, etc.. i honestly don't know what to do.. without You i'll prob crumble any second..

i need to start acting my age n take responsibilities for my actions.. painful as they might be, i can't keep running from problems.. i need to face them n get over them. if my parents wanna scold or whatever.. i'll jus have to take it n pray for the best...

also i learnt so much from jennifer n the others.. bruises n cuts n everything, n yet still in sich high spirits, motivating everyone, pushing everyone to carry on, leading by example... truly the character of Christ so evident in them! i was shocked at the bruises on her legs.. n she still smiled all the time.

my cell group almost collasped while i was gone.. not to say that i'm so important or what, but i really pray for mature members to rise up n not backslide!! God what is happening? i guess part of it is my fault for not raising up disciples, being too nice to them, tolerating too much of their nonsense, laughing n playing with them too much, etc... all goes back to being mature n leading them n being firm when i need to be. they won't respect me if i just haha hehe along with them.. God help me do what i know i must.. ryan.. wendy.. all the mature members suddenly go MIA. what is happening to them? pls tell me how i can help them.. n how i can help myself as well...

but i believe everything happens for a reason.. God i trust You will make everything alright again, but it'll be difficult n painful, but i'll have to go thru it.. when i see the dean on monday, pls help me explain things to him in the most appropriate way, without bursting out in desperation..

time to go for my checkup at hospital.. i hate hospitals, such a dreary feeling there.. headache coming along again.. God im so scared of facing the dean.. i've never been so afraid in my entire life... nobody knows the mess i'm in, not even my CGL, not even my closest friends or family...

in Jesus name, help me God



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