a quick SD

Dear Lord

Mere hours till i leave for Taiwan.

Been a really hectic week! Last week was bad, this week was worse! But nevertheless i do try to find time to pray n do what i need to do..

I've been trying to find time to do a SD but everytime i sit down in front of the com to do one, i get distracted by MSN, SMS, phonecalls, etc!

Lord pls give me strength n good health thru out the whole mission trip! like what jennifer said, its not a performance its a mission trip! gotta go there prayed up n in tune with the Holy Spirit.. but how to do that when i'm still busy packing n practicing beats n making calls? Pls help me multiply my efforts n give me more time..

Anyway i really got a wakeup call the other time during service. i realised that for too long i've let myself be distracted by stuff in the world. its really time to come back to the heart of worship, to come back to basics, of spending time with You, worshipping, fellowshipping, understanding Your will. if i don't understand, i won't find it a pleasure n it'll seem like a chore. Noone enjoys something which is forced upon them. i want to find the right reasons and the right motivations to do the right things at the right time!

To be a CGL. date? i really have no idea. given the circumstances, i'd say it is impossible. i'm not at a level of spiritual maturity, i'm not having a great prayer life, i'm not involved in cg activities or admin, i'm not a person who likes admin, n i'm too involved in choir n strikeforce stuff. its still serving You, even if not in the way which i was meant to serve.. but i shouldn't kid myself anymore. if shawn can do it, if God says i can do it, then i can.

Your Word speaks louder than this world... the lyrics to the song really mean something to me now, when i'm forced to make a decision, to listen to the voice of logic or to listen to the voice of God, the prompting of the Holy Spirit, the desire within my own heart.

so many pple telling me so many different things. since 2004 actually when i had a desire to rise up, so many pple have told me so many different things. CGLs, close friends,ministry friends, musicians, etc... when all the while, i should've just continuallly seeked Your face.

God i'm sorry for letting joan get the better of my life. for devoting time to her when i should be doing more for the CG n Your purpose. i'm not ashamed to say i made a mistake, but i'm ashamed to say i've made the same mistake yet again.. i've not learnt from it.

A broken n contrite spirit You will not despise, the Bible says. yet my spirit needs to be broken, i need to learn to yield to You once again, n to stop doing things my way. or the world's way.

the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. i lack wisdom. i need the fear of the Lord! i need to respect n understand that every decision i make for You or against You will determine my future.

Pastor Rob Thompson said that the pple i place myself under will determine my destiny. i need to learn to submit to leaders, not matter what my opinion of them is. i need to learn to submit to them simply becos they are chosen by You and i am to obey You n Your anointed ones.

God, forgive me for being so unspiritual, so carnal, so cynical n critical of godly pple, of godly things. I want to believe, help my unbelief!

Can i make it as a CGL? if it is Your will. how do i know it is Your will for me? becos on that sunday, n that wednesday, n last saturday, all the preachers were talking about passion, destiny, calling... many are called, few are chosen.. i know i am called, but i really want to be chosen. i had a desire, but it remained at tat level, a mere desire. becos i tried to take steps to fulfil it, n failed on my own strength. But like in psalms, i need to learn that God is the strength of my heart. My heart and my strength might fail, but God is the strength of my heart. Strengthen the desire, strengthen the passion, strengthen the giant within me oh Lord, the giant that has lain dormant for so long. Awaken it!!

Father, let this Taiwan emerge bring back the desires to be an evangelist, a preacher, a teacher, a giver, a faithful steward, a miracle-maker, a history-maker, but most of all, a filial son. To do the will of the Father.

In Jesus name i pray,
Amen!