Wednesday, May 24, 2006

letter to shaun!

though its been bout 3 years since i knew you, haven't really told you much about myself even if we're in the same zone n same school! so here's what i want to share, in a nutshell.
about my spiritual life, here's the situation
i don't really pray that much n that consistently.. sometimes i don't pray for more than a few minutes a day, especially when i'm very tired.. but sometimes i can pray for over an hour.. so quite inconsistent. need to work on that, i'm really trying to find the right time to pray n read the Bible without distraction. at night sometimes its too late so maybe i'll try to do it pastor phil's way n do my QT in the early morning.. i'll let u know how it goes in maybe 2 weeks time thru email. hopefully my prayer life will have stabilized after emerge.
actually i lost the passion for God sometime last year.
yeah.. i don't know if yujie told you. but last year initially i wanted to rise up to be a CGL, i was giving BS to a few members, leading prayer meetings, taking games, etc. but because of some complication with joan i got very discouraged n as a result didn't concentrate on God as i should have. of cos i don't blame God, i only have myself to blame for not focusing on the right things at the right time. i'm on vow till 2007 since 2002, but since then i've fallen twice liao, once for jessie until she backslided, then last year joan came into the picture. just when i thought i was ok with the relationship business, its like another temptation comes along n i fall.
so then i got so discouraged i felt i would never achieve my dream of being a CGL if such a small thing can distract me so easily, so i threw myself into choir n strikeforce n music. it was pretty ok, doing admin, helping out n serving when i needed to serve. but not really stepping out of my comfort zone, not feeling satisfied where i am. a bit confused, i failed at being a CGL, so its not God's calling for me.
so i just want to go back to basics n love God n wait for Him to tell me what to do.
as for solutions on what we can do for the new friends n the cell group:
i am asking sweekeng to organise basketball n jamming events for the 3 tuition kids who like sports n music
i want to resume giving BS to jaric n daryl if i'm able to, going to finish the last 2 lesson of getting started with boon kiat
praying with members over the phone, meeting up members individually to chat... especially pple who actually look up to me (according to adeline), like clarence n boon kiat. i think that group fellowship is great, but intimacy is only built thru personal meeting. i just met up one of my choir helpers who's going thru a tough time... so surprised he called me out at 1 am in the morning, but thank God i was awake n able to meet him n counsel him..
but ultimately i believe its my personal prayer life n spiritual condition that needs "fixing" n "Grooming". once i get back on track n in touch with God, i just know everything will be alright.
yours sincerely,weiwen


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