i'm sorry Shawn for coming against you thru the "backdoor"...

Well this isn't exactly a public apology since its a private blog (or rather supposed to be a private blog, i have no idea how so many people get my blog address, i only broadcast it when i finish new chapters of the End of Days story and i thought the normal reaction is just to read it thru n say "oh cool!" and forget about the address but apparently pple do check on my blog even when i don't know it! amazing) but nevertheless i believe i won't be able to sleep until i say it.

I'm truly sorry for all the nonsense i sprouted without properly understanding the situation. no wonder the Bible says a fool says all that is in his heart. yujie already warned me before about writing nonsense on the blog because someone will read it and someone will take offense or be stumbled by what i write. i pray to God that i don't stumble anyone, yet it may already have happened for all i know.

I'm so sorry, in fact i thought you were gonna scold me when you called, and i was ready to take it. i knew whatever it was, i should've trusted you. like what pastor said before, if you can't see God's hand moving, trust His heart. if i can't see the logic behind the activity, i should still trust your intentions for the cell group members.

now in case anyone thinks i'm forced to write this, i'm not. i'm truly repentant for what i did. i'm really so sorry, it shouldn't have been him calling me to apologise, no, it should be me apologising for all the stupid things i said.

nevertheless, i can't take words back even if i delete the entry. but i can make amends, i can improve my attitude and i can get back on track. this isn't about me being right or making my point, its about being able to humble myself, accept things i don't yet understand, and trust pple that God has placed in my life. maybe cos i was hurt once by a certain leader, i've always had the misconception that leaders while having good intentions, are so strict almost to the brink of ruthlessness when dealing with flaws in my life. but then again, isn't that what the Bible says? if an arm causes me to sin, cut it off, if an eye causes me to sin, pluck it out, becos better for me to go to heaven with a few parts missing, then for my whole body to go to hell.

(haha, think about that you LDOT lobbyists!)

this is the second time i wrote nonsense against a leader, i must really watch my language and attitude. God i know You always give me second chances, i know You always believe in me, i'm not asking for cheap grace, but i'm asking You to help me change my attitude, to live my life by the Word of God, not by feelings or emotions.

so finally before i continue work on my assignment...

I'm sorry for a rebellious attitude. From now on, i'll support you and listen to you, as I did when yujie was my leader.

Judges 5:2,9

When the leaders lead in Israel, when the poeple willingly offer themselves, bless the LORD! My heart us with the rulers of Israel who offered themselves willingly with the people. Bless the LORD!