Busy weekend, nearing the end of 2008!

Dear God,

Its been quite a while since I've written to You here on my blog, and I hope You're still happy with what I'm doing most of the time.

Building fund pledging weekend is over. I know the amount I gave wasn't really by revelation, the amount which I thought You wanted me to give was way way way over my current earning capacity, so I don't think I am able to fulfil that amount. I would have to empty my savings totally to do that, and now that I'm saving for a house, I don't think thats a very wise decision. Nonetheless, I've definitely pledged more than last year, a lot more. I pray that You help me to keep strictly to my budget to fulfil the building fund quickly and totally.

God, right now, honestly, I'm very bothered about Joan's situation. I've never seen her so worried and stressed in the past few years I've known her. I pray that we're able to come out with a solution for her financial problems, that You are able to show her that You're a God who provides, never too late, never too early, but just in time. Somehow, I know that You will provide a way out for her, and strengthen her faith in You once again. I don't like it when she's upset or unhappy, as it really affects me as well.

God I also want to pray for my job, I wrote on the offering envelope yesterday, for clearer direction in my job. Honestly, I should've listened to my gut feeling n go into litigation n try it out, and move into corporate only after i realise litigation isn't my forte, but now i will never know becos i didn't dare to try, n simply choose the path that most of my friends took, being the "safer" choice. I sort of regret it now, but i can't do anything about it since the choice has already been made, i've just got to learn to live with it and adjust myself to it.

Happy birthday to Sharlyn, Rachel, Lydia and Mindice (3 of them on 8 November!) and I must say, everyweek there's a SF person celebrating birthday n its getting rather expensive to keep buying presents for birthdays! Hehz.. its kind of weird, usually people don't celebrate their birthdays, but this year seems like almost everyone close to Joan n I are having some party or celebration. its fun of course, but draining on the wallet too. =p Nevertheless, I believe in blessing people who have been a blessing in my life, especially the friends that God has sent to me to help me and make life more meaningful to me.

God, i'm beginning to wonder. is this it? Working n working n slogging it out for the next 20 over years of my life? Am I able to retire at 50? If my job brings me little job satisfaction, isn't it a clear indication that i'm not walking in Your will for me? But what else can I do? At least until I finish paying off the house, I don't feel the security in any other job that I'm not well equipped to do.

Honestly, I really want Boon's vision to come to pass, about the 3-in-1 music venue, the music school, jamming studio, music shop and music cafe. And from the past 3-4 years of following Boon, i realise that he really brings his dreams into reality, n doesn't just talk the talk, he actually does the job through prayer and sheer hard work n determination! He doesn't care what others think, or if the task seems impossible, as long as he believes in the vision from God, the fulfilment of the cultural mandate, and with the support of pastor Kong n the music team, he is ready to go for it all the way. I really want to be a part of the 3-in-1 music venue, hopefully as one of the board members of the company that he may set up, and I'll quit my lawyer job the moment the music company breaks even. Not that I don't have enough faith in the sustainability, but simple economics show that it takes a while to break even. probably a year or longer? Hopefully i won't have to be a lawyer all my life, i don't wish to practice law for so long, its merely to pay for our house n store up my savings for the future. I really hope to quit practice in about 15 years time, after paying up for the flat n having a comfortable amount of a few hundred grand in the bank.

God, another dream which I want to see fulfilled is the Strikeforce show at the IR! i mean in las vegas they have those weekly shows n performances to bring in the tourists as well as the casinos, a family entertainment centre, which doesn't have to focus on gambling all the time. I really believe the Strikeforce can do it. have a 1.5 hour show on our own, with fantastic set ups, innovative sequences, n something so unique that sets us apart from the other drumming groups in Singapore, and in fact, even the world. I envision the show to be a mix of hippickles, stomp, blackfire percussion, marching band, slick drumming skills, entertaining gimmicks, ultimate drum machines, lots of jumping yelling energetic dances, etc. we can do half hour shows for F1 and Banthai, why not a show at the same venue, instead of running from place to place, the audiences comes to see us?

If that day comes, or rather WHEN that day comes, I want to be a part of it. maybe not even a player, but background crew, director, cheorographer, etc. marketplace ministry? it doesn't get any better than this! God, that's one of the few things that I actually look forward to in life.

I pray that I'll be able to fulfil those dreams, that You continue to give me direction and inspiration for my life. If not, i'll probably live just a mediocre life, of an average lawyer, earning quite a bit, living life comfortably, but not really doing anything great for God. the fact is, that sounds scarily good to me now, to sort of "settle down" and drop into a comfortable pace, staying in the comfort zone, enjoing life n its little pleasures. But i know that is not Your will for me, I still have yet to find that opening in politics, I still have yet to fulfil that dream of being a writer of fiction and stories.

I guess i'll have to start somewhere if I wanna become a writer, see if pple like my works, or am i simply writing for the sake of self-entertainment? of cos if pple like it, there's a way for what i like to do to become profitable, of cos i'll do it.

In conclusion, please bless my relationship with Joan, n my family members. I'm really so fortunate to have a great family who loves me n blesses me, n a wonderful girlfriend who simply adores me n loves me so much, i'm so thankful to You for sending her into my life. I will try to be a better Christian for You, to really change my bad characteristics and habits, and focus on Your Word for me.

In Jesus name,
Amen.