Wednesday, February 01, 2006

My thoughts to whomever reads this.

not gonna write an entry for God today. nope.

have i lost all faith in Him? not really. have i been disappointed by Him before? well, if i say no then tat's a lie, n i'm not supposed to lie.

i'm listening to the song Journey. It's a long, long journey.. sometimes it feels like noone understands, i don't even know why i do the things i do.. Cos its a long, long journey till i find my way home to You.

how apt are the lyrics?

anyway i wasn't done complaining about CNY yet, but had to rush off to a nice lunch with my beloved sister. she used to have supper with me about 2-3 times a week way back in 2004. when i still had a tremendous crush on her, until i realised that she was out of my league. yupz, its true, she's a totally innocent, God-loving, cell leader, musician and cute girl. if there was one person whom i can say impacted me the most, that fellowshipped with me the most when i needed her, who gave me hope that there's still those sweet girl-next-door types in singapore.. she would be the one.

barely had time to talk n have a bite at olio dome, when it was time to meet janice for tuition.

yup, the 3rd day of CNY n i'm busy giving tuition n going for strikeforce. how exciting is that, hahaha.

oh yes, before i forget, i better mention something about her since she so generously praised me about being observant about cats having sex under cars on her blog. Miss L, the ever "chirpy", sarcastic, acid-tongue and yet oh-so-sweet young woman, the one whom i turn to when i want to catch musicals n debate about politics or christian stuff, or heck, even non-christian stuff for that matter now that she upped the stakes on monday nite. you really made my CNY more bearable n enjoyable than it was, so thanks for that.. oh thanks for the recommendation too.

n yes, tues nite. totally enjoyed the movie with my fren. fearless, about jet li going around kicking pple's butt, n then finally deciding that being a true hero means u don't have to actually do the kickig n still win the fight. not enough violence, too much nonsensical crap about some blind girl who eventually managed to "see" him after he died! don't ruin a great epic with unnecessary extras. haha.. n to think right after the show, we exited the cinema n behold, the 2nd time i caught the fireworks display! what perfect timing for the nearly perfect day. oh well, my family gathering was terribly boring n awkward, but the meet-the-parents-n-sister session was kinda fun. and no, jennifer n i did not want stare at each other n want to rip each other's throats. we merely wanted to engage in verbal warfare. like what bush n kerry do.

n to top it all off, i received a series of smses from someone whom i used to like, reminding me that i still have about $200 of unpaid hp bills chalked up by a cg member. try to be kind n i end up being broke. not that i regret it, but i really should consider my own situation before volunteering to help others. after all, let God help His own children. there's plenty of fat cats in the non-christian world whom we can suck money from. its kinda ironic. i was saving up all the money this CNY to give to the building fund, to build God a house in the market place, yadda yadda. n in the end its all going to the phone company.

but still, kinda surprised tat she still bothers to read my blog n all the crap i type into it. yes, i get scolding from pple about stumbling pple who may read my blog, but what the heck, its my blog. if you wanna criticise me, then don't read it. i don't think its an offence to state what i think, what i feel, what i am annoyed about.

its 3.52 am now n i still have no urge to sleep. listening to Only One from yellowcard. they totally rock man! i still dream of forming my own band n holding a rock concert someday. but then some dreams are just meant to be like eye candy.

basically what eunice told me today is kind of true. i need to decide what to do. what action to take, who will be in my life n who won't be in it. pray thru it, get affirmation from God, then stick to whatever decision i make. thing is, i thought i had affirmation from Him to do something that didn't come to pass in 2005. that has left me a broken man on the inside. a broke spirit, who can fix? even the bible questions that.

at least the young ones still inspire me, give me reason to go on fighting. when i see the young ones at strikeforce, so passionate, devoted, the cute innocent girls, the energetic, handsome, strapping guys, i can't help but feel that yeah, God is good. to have known such pple, to have them call me a friend, is indeed already an honour in itself. to have bro boon call me on a weekday out of the blue to chat, is really something.. a leader who really cares. not just to make a leader out of you, or to preach, or to challenge, or whatever, but merely just to chat. thats something i learnt from bro boon. yes its true, Jesus preached n taught wherever He went, but He had time to attend weddings as well, He had time to fellowship with the sinners, sometimes alone with His disciples, with family, etc. I think that sometimes, when He looked at his disciples, the 12 young men who followed Him almost blindly, n the thousands of pple who followed Him into the desert just to hear Him speak, He found the strength to go on doing what He needed to do. Yes He was anionted by God the Father, empowered by the Holy Spirit, but still He probably still felt good to have friends around Him.

i know God loves me, like He loves everyone else. yeah, i can say i love everyone else n even mean it truthfully, but to call someone a friend is something totally different. Jesus says, no longer do I call you servants, but my friends. I pray that one day my friends get to know this Friend, that through Him their lives might be changed.

its quite meaningless to do something just for yourself. think about it. to live for yourself, pure selfishness, achieves nothing, extreme gluttony n sloth n sin, indulging in one's own self-righteous thoughts, totally no meaning. like what king solomon said in proverbs, all the knowledge n power in the world is in vain.

yet, to be able to make someone smile, to bring cheer into a person's life. to make a person feel appreciated. to give someone hope that there is a better future, that things work for the good for those who love Him. to let God know that you not only serve Him for the sake of fulfiling all righteousness, but to let Him know that you are willing to do anything, do whatever it takes to fulfil your destiny in Christ, becos at the end of the day, you love Him as much as He loves you...

oh gosh i cant take it liao, i need to go worship God...

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