Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I'm so pissed off! What the heck..

Dear God

i'm still pissed off. i don't think threatening pple is a method which a leader should use. i feel like changing cell group cos i don't like shaun. plain n simple. i just can't follow a leader who uses methods like this. n forces pple to memorise the bible verses without asking them if they want to take part. i'm clearly pissed off with michelle fong as well, for being such an idiot to call shaun n tell him dunno what things in a stupid way, no tact at all.

i really feel like scolding them a whole lot of vulgarities, but then shaun would only send me for more counselling n michelle won't even understand them, being a complete brainless numbskull.

thats it i've had it with pple giving me orders on how to live my life, on what i should n shouldn't do. what the hell. where's the freedom that God has given us? since He gives us a choice on everything n its up to us to exercise that choice, then what right does anyone have to force us to do something? u tell me, u're a cell group leader, ordained by God to direct us n lead us. well, excuse me, a true leader leads by inspiring or encouraging others, or teaching them to do the right things, not force them to do it simply becos its right.

God i don't remember You scolding pple or threatening them for their ignorance. i didn't know there were any new friends. i didn't tell the guys not to go for the basketball thing. i didn't think that since i don't like it i won't go. in that case i won't go for any of the prayer meetings, i won't go for any of the discipleship lesson, i won't go for any churchwide prayer meetings liao. i will be completely honest, i'm not mr spiritual. i don't like certain things but i still go for them becos its the right thing to do. and i remember, i will move from desire to discipline to delight. if only i get past the discipline part.. which i do not mean other pple can discipline me in whatever way they wish, or threaten or yell or scold or whatever.

yeah its true diff pple got diff ways of dealing with issues. i've no problem with that, their style is their own choice. but its not my choice.

i've really had enough. i want to get out of this cell group. i dislike many pple in it. i've slogged my butt off for the friends in the cell group. i was there when pple were in hospital, driven pple to doctors, paid for hp bills, accompanied them to study, shown them the love of Christ, taught them in the best way i know how while still remaining as a friend.

but while the pple actually show their gratitude, i don't see any leaders showing their gratitude, simply becos they think its our duty as mature christians to do what we do without any reward. becos everything we do is so spiritual.], we'll get our rewards in heaven, n the unperishable crown should be the only thing we desire isn't it?

sorry, i'm not so spiritual yet.

and by the way things are going, i don't want to be. God i've no problem knowing, loving n serving You, but its Your pple that are giving me a bad time n a bad experience.

i'll try one last time to go with the flow of the cell group, by the end of the year, if i have one more conflict with shaun, i'm requesting for a transfer out.

in Jesus name,


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