why????????

dear God

maybe You're really right.. i shouldn't have broken my vows time n time again with joan.. cos all she does is really piss me off n make me upset n depressed n sad time n time again..

i don't even know why i'm affected that much.. i mean, i must really love her to be so affected right? i can't even answer that question.. what if i fell in love with the wrong person n because i was too weak to stay true to my vow, n somehow we just aren't meant to be together?

she is trying her best n i know it.. but sometimes, i just feel we're so different... she doesn't understand me as well as other pple.. even close friends like rosa n lena know better than her sometimes... she doesn't seem to know what i'm like, n what i expect from a relationship.. she's so emotionally defunct, i'm always counselling her over something or another.. her family background is like so messed up, her sister is one stupid bitch, her father an irresposible idiot... talk about marrying down.

i don't know why i like her so much.. i hope i don't get hurt by her anymore.

In Jesus name
Amen.