frustrations... i lost my Bible!

dear God,

thanks for a good tuition session n study session w Christine today. i really hope to bring victoria n her bf down for the big weekend on sat, n even christine as well. been reaching out to them for quite a long time liao, more than a year, but still no positive sign from them... i will try invite them again, n for christmas as well, but if they still don't want to respond to You, then i guess i will move on to other souls.. there's still so many pple waiting to hear the gospel!

nevertheless God, i have so much burdens n painful feelings today.. i put them all into Your hands right now.. n i know i haven't been a good faithful Christian... i have done so many wrong things this few days. yet i still want Your will to be done in my life. that is still the cry of my heart! no matter what happens around me, i still believe in You and Your will for my life, that as long as i put You first, You will always make a way for me. Your word says that God will never give me a challenge that I cannot overcome, that in trials and testings, God will always make the way of escape.

my escape is You Lord.

i come before You each time i fail n falter, each time i feel weak n the mountains of troubles of this world threaten to overpower me, You are my only shelter. You are my source and my salvation, nothing compares to You.

Lord, i know jessie has been hurt by me, and i am so sorry for that. indecisiveness on my part has caused it. but i pray that somehow, she will forgive me, cos i really want her as a friend. we have shared such close intimate relationship for the past 1 year, i don't want to lose what we have built up. but if it is Your will that she move on in her life in a different direction from me, then let Your will be done on earth. if our friendship is not meant to be, then i won't fight against Your will. but i pray that You help both of us, send your Holy Spirit to comfort n guide us, cos we are both hurt by what we have done. Even for myself, as i serve You in ministry n reach out to the lost, i know in my heart that You are not happy with me for certain matters in my life, which i have handled wrongly.

I'm sorry God. i'm sorry i messed things up again.

please forgive me and help me change my ways. i don't want to be a slave to my flesh anymore, i want to be a slave for Jesus!

there's barely 2 months till the end of the year. Lord, please let me end the year well, not with bad relationships n wrong sins, but with a new passion n desire to serve You in even greater ways than before.

guide me in all my thoughts Jesus, i surrender my thought life into Your hands. provoke me to cast aside all sinful thoughts! give me strength to fight the temptations in me! oh God, i am so angry with jessie, after all i've done for her, she writes about me like i'm some kind of monster! yet i know that in certain things, she is right, i still have a bad temper, i still have insecurity, i still have many faults. n these faults i pray, i lay them at Your feet Lord, do to them as You will. i have the boldness to enter the Holy of Holies, with the Holy Spirit as my guide, with Jesus as my lawyer, with God as my Father, what else do i still need??

i choose to forgive jessie n love her no matter wat she says or thinks about me. i don't matter, but You do. i shall not care about the matter any longer than i need to, cos i want to do Your will always. tat means reaching out to new friends, inviting them for service, preparing the cell group events well, managing my ministries well, and studying for the exams! Lord, please give me the study tips n question spotting skills that i need! i don't have much time to study, i pray You take away all the laziness n tiredness away when i need to study, n multiply the little time tat I have!

i'm too afraid to proclaim tat i can make it to the Dean's list anymore, cos i know that You gave me a challenge which i could jolly well overcome, but it was my own laziness n conceitedness tat prevented me from living in Your glorious will. i'm sorry Lord, please let me start afresh next year n do things right for You.

time to get serious with You, n stop living in sin n carnal mindsets. God i'm stepping out of my comfort zone for real, n i'm going to soar on eagles wings with You! i don't care what anyone thinks anymore, i'm only going to listen to You and Your Word. i really need my Bible back, so please God, i promise NOT to lose it ever again, if i can get it back tomorrow or wednesday.

i pray You help me to bring at least 4 friends for the big day this weekend. not to make up the numbers, but to really impact and change their lives. i haven't done much to reach out this few months Lord, so i will know for sure it is You who brought them, if You do let me bring 4 pple this weekend. I pray for victoria and her boyfriend, for Rebecca, and for Christine. Don't let me lose sight of their salvation, please remind me constantly of my primary duty, to reach out n spread the gospel!

Thank you so much, i feel much better just writing to You! i know You will answer my prayers, cos the effective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much! i sense Your presence as i am typing this out, I know You are with me right now, to touch me and change my life. thanks you Jesus, thank you so much, i love You forever.

In Jesus name,
Amen