So help me God, to be a good lawyer

Got called to the bar this morning. Boring experience, nothing really outstanding about it, but good thing was getting to meet up and catch up with some friends, take a few photos, n that's about it.

Really wish I could have a 2 week break, 1 week will fly by super fast and the next thing I know, I'll be right in the thick of piles of work, I can already sense the apprehension of going to work when I haven't even begun my holiday proper.

Not a good sign.

To be honest, I think I'm living a pretty good life compared to most of my lawyer friends. They go home at like, what, 8-10 pm every night, while I usually leave at about 7-7.30 pm or latest at 8 pm. I've pretty much got the freedom to do what I want, I've got my own room and a nice view. I've got a pretty good boss, though a little eccentric at times. I'm getting paid a decent salary compared to my peers in the big firms.

So what exactly am I unhappy about?

Perhaps the fact that I don't really have friends in the firm? That I have to work through lunch everyday and can't have lunch with friends? But that's expected, work is work. The fastest I finish my stuff, the earlier I get to go off at night. So I can meet up with Joan, watch movies, go for strikeforce gigs, chill out with friends, go lan gaming, or just have a life.

Honestly, working life is pretty routine. Of cos every piece of work is different n I learn new things everyday, but I don't really feel like I want to do this for the rest of my life. I really wonder how long will I take to really get a good grasp of my job? 3 years? 4? Really no idea.

And the SF camp got me thinking, how long more can I be a player in the SF gigs? I'm getting old, whether I want to acknowledge it or not. I'm going to be 26 this year, more than a quarter century old. Can I still be playing drums and shouting and grooving my way on stage in like, 4 years time when I'm 30?? I honestly can't answer that. Of cos I want to, but that doesn't mean I can.

I foresee myself working later and later as work piles up. Actually I shouldn't commit to so many SF things now, I should let the younger guys take the reigns from me right? But i can't help it if I just have the desire to do more, serve more, cos I'm passionate about my ministry. Yeah, even more passionate about it than cell group.

I don't even want to talk about cell group cos I've totally lost the meaning of it. Yeah its to get together and worship God with your church family, to hear the Word and learn more about Him, and of cos to fellowship with friends. To train spiritual disciplines, to get revelations, to get spiritually refreshed in the presence of God. Yup, all these things and more, the benefits and importance of a cell group. I've heard the preaching, gone thru the bible study classes and felt the presence of God, wept and knelt, been prayed for and all that.

But recently, I lost my faith in the cell group. Of cos I haven't lost faith in God, I still pray and worship and do my QT at home, but I don't really feel like I'm achieving anything in this current cell group. I'm not doing anything, the friendship level is superficial, pple are just busy with their own lives and agendas, the age gap is too large, the younger pple make me wanna roll my eyes and smack my forehead with some of their comments, and I generally feel out of place. I don't like the PCGL's preaching, I don't like the way the whole awkwardness of being the odd one out. I'm one of the few working pple there, and what can I have in common with the sec sch kids? I wanted to talk to Valerie about this last week, but she seemed busy, and Peijing suggested going to Aiming cell group, but honestly will that change anything?

Or am I just becoming cold and dry in the spirit, cynical and critical Chrisitan like Paul who was all out to use his knowledge of the law to criticise and shame the spiritual leaders?

My only prayer is that I'm able to find a way out of all this, that God saves the day like He did with Paul.