Jamming session and hanging out with the SF pple

Yeah today boss is not in (secretary says she will come in at 7 pm, but then again whats the point of coming to work so late unless there's some super important things to settle) so we're all pretty slack in the morning. puikwan is surfing net for holiday resoirts in bali, i'm updating facebook and doing a bit of work, only the new guy seems on the ball n doing research or something. haha!

Spent last night helping millie to set up her drum kit together with Ian n my brother. Yiwen also came a little later on to join us for supper. It wasn't really fruitful, cos the snare stand was missing, n with the super thick drum pads, its either super soft or super loud when we remove the pads. we were just chilling, playing a few songs here n there while millie was showing her photos of when she was young, photos of her n jeremy, photos of her cell group members, etc. actually Ian said Sharlyn absolutely hates Jeremy, not just becos what he did to Millie, but she really dislikes him for some other stuff that happened, n even boon doesn't like Jeremy. hahaha, all Jeremys cannot make it man. even that guy who was chasing Amanda, then in the end when they were discussing with CGLs, he said he felt he wasn't ready for relationship n backed out. I mean come on lah, you should've thought about it before you started chasing her? how typical of guys to act first and think later. hahaha.

anyway had a great time just talking n chilling out with the SF guys at macdonalds, my bro helped me bring the guiatrs home, cos he needed to work on some editing for some wedding so didn't join us for supper. but anyway we were talking about SF pple, nic n shona, sharlyn n ivan, lingling n ian, hahaha.. it was really very funny. ian was also telling me some stuff about his BGRs n complaining that girls are all materialistic. hahaha! guys go for looks, girls go for the money. isn't being superficial the same as materialistic? so guys n girls are equally appalling? hahaha.. anyway we left the place around 11.15 to go home n ian n millie was talking about having a chalet together to celebrate their birthdays! soooo sweet right? haha! yiwen n i were like suaning them for that. if Ian n millie do end up together (through some sort of miracle) i really do think they make a good looking n friendly n hyper active n loud couple! haha..

but honestly, i don't find such good friends in cell group anymore. at least in my previous cg, N280, i could hang out with the girls who liked ktv n singing, or hang with the guys who're into computer gaming, paintball, n other guy stuff. in this new cg, W something, i don't even know what the pple are into. nobody makes any effort to meet up with us during weekdays, not even a sms or call from them, until cg or service. same problem that Ian has with his cg too. they have their own cliques n joan n i just don't fit in. n they wonder why soohuei n qingni n grace don't feel like part of the cell. they wanna be cell leaders and everything, but to me spiritual things n biblical knowledge go hand in hand with natural relationship. n seriously if u can't establish relationship with pple, how do u lead them?

which leads me to another conclusion which i've suspected all along but gave the benefit of doubt to those pple until recently, just becos you go to SOT doesn't mean you become more spiritual or anything changes in your life. sure there are those that go on to start churches n become leaders in church, but there are those who eventually backslide, or worse, totally no change in their character or lifestyle. all these pple become is more puffed up with knowledge n have this "i went thru SOT u know" kind of smugness. yeah, so i really wonder, these SOT students, how many friends have they personally brought to church in the past few years? how many lives have they impacted on a deep level (other than other SOT students)? how many friends do they have outside of church? how is their work and status in the marketplace? how is their relationship with their family members?

of cos there are those who make everyone else look bad, those mr perfect kind, cell leader, sucessful businessman with happy family, etc. the kind that everyone looks up to. but how many more just go through SOT like another few months in school? oh and the 2 year SOT course has been shortened to an embarrassingly short 4 months. just see the quality of the older batches of SOT graduates compared with the last 2 years, and the difference is painfully unmistakably obvious.

and why am i so upset over all this? heck pple will say i have no right to say anything becos i've not even gone through SOT, or i'm not spiritual enough to make sensible judgement. truth is, i WANTED to go to SOT a few years ago, i was planning to finish my NUS studies, then go to 1 year of SOT, then enter the workplace fully equipped with the Word of God to apply in the marketplace. i wanted to be a CGL who cared for his members, who isn't so concerned about growth as the lives of his members. many CGLs keep asking for new friends every week when their members don't even feel like part of the cell group, then whats the use? when i was a normal member, i prayed one hour everyday on average a few years ago, i read the Bible twice through in a year, n i brought like 10 friends to church each year. when i wanted to be a CGL, things changed, i got more busy, less time for God, more time spent on admin n collecting forecasts, more discipleship classes, more church meetings to attend, etc.

i think i'd rather be a normal member with time to pray n worship God, with good friends in and outside of church, who is able to do well in my job without compromising on my values, to excel in my ministry being led by a leader with big dreams and visions so amazing i'm blown away by his leadership, n to have good relationship with my family n my beloved Joan.

am i settling for less? am i becoming mediocre? am i becoming lazy and doing less things for God? perhaps not. if i live my life for God every single day, isn't that enough for Him? God delights in the prosperity of His servants. Seek first the kingdom of God and all will be given unto you. you know what? i don't feel that i'm living a mediocre life anymore. i used to think that being a CGL is the ultimate calling for all christians, that if i don't become a CGL at least once in my christian life then i've failed my duty as a christian. how wrong was I! hahaha..