pissed off.

Dear God,

ok You're right again. i've gotta involved in things that don't concern me, i've tried my best to help a person in need, n all i'm going to get is a scolding from yujie n someone angry with me.

i'm so pissed off right now... You know how i feel?

its the last day of my exams i just want to celebrate n be free from all sorts of stress n yet i have to worry about that stalker n about this n that.. can't i just enjoy a movie in peace?

yes.. i really can't believe what an idiot i am. should've seen this coming.. its all the same. always when i'm supposed to feel the happiest somehow someone will come n spoil everything. why? cos i'm not walking in Your will that's why.

tell me again what am i taking this vow for, tell me again who is it i can trust?

she thinks i'm just joking when its her life that's in danger. i'm not joking anymore, even as a friend i would have advised her to do the same thing. its not about any simple thing anymore, its about a stalker following us around in orchard even! oh man, i feel like kicking the crap out of him right now..

5 years ago all i had to do was make a few phone calls n my buddies would come n pummel the crap out of him. i wonder if i still have their contact numbers. man i miss those days, of running wild n free around town, talking n acting big n gung ho n beating up pple who wanna mess with us... i know those days r behind me now...

n i know all this talk is making You very very angry with me, i'm supposed to be forgiving n easily forget trespasses or You won't forgive my trespasses..

i know i can't be together with her right now.. yet i still went ahead with the movie plan.. haiz.. i'm sorry God i can't be perfect! i can't live up to Your expectations!!! i took that vow so i could be focused on You, so i could do greater things for You.. what have i done till now?

besides get myself in more trouble.

i really don't want to like anyone ever again.. its too painful.. God i'm sorry for falling.. i really don't deserve Your mercy anymore..