Friday, May 06, 2005

continuation from previous post.. =P

yeah, feel better now..

anyway yeah joan n i made a decision.. no more movie dates together, or talking past 12 midnight over the phone (aside from church stuff with yujie) n generally practicing more self-restraint. why do i say self-restraint? cos every time we meet, we will tend to want to be more intimate with each other.. haha i know its doesn't sound like us, but its true.. but of cos its not right, so everything will be put on hold until 2 years later, then we'll see if we still like each other or not.. regarding the promises we made, its sealed by You, but nevertheless even if the promises are broken, i will not hold anything against her or You, becos i know its human natuer to err. i think there's a phrase " to err is to be human, to forgive, divine." yeah its true we really need God's grace n we need to remember God's mercy cos at times when we are hurt so badly, we simply find it so difficult to forgive..

in fact while i'm writing this, i seem to want to preach about forgiveness tml. i dunno why but i think this is an area of my life which i thought was totally ok. i always didn't bother to confront this issue cos i never had anyone to forgive.. or at least i thought so. hmm.. will pray about it. Lord speak to me to give a divine word to Your people! its not me who speaks but You who speaks thru me, n if You don't wish to speak thru me, then i'd rather not speak at all, than to give others wrong revelations.

yeah, i believe its time to get back on track, be totally serious with You.

i pray tat You help me to continually reach out to kangzhong, yanyang and justin. akira is quite a crude person, but i believe that he has many issues in his life that cause him to be like that.. nevertheless, i pray for forgiveness for the loose use of my tongue to scold vulgarities.. I'm sorry Holy Spirit that i've grieved You in a moment of anger, pls forgive me.. i have this tendency to get more irritated n agitated in the army. there's always this tensed up feeling.. Lord pls replace it with the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, and let it dwell within my heart. i'm so tired of fighting my battles alone, n still rushing to help others in battle, yet ignoring the One who gives me the armour, the strength, the will to fight on.

Thanks for always giving me favour, letting me go thru the trials in life, such as the army! haha.. thank God for the time i have to read Your Word, learn more about my vision n my path in Your will.. guide me always, i want to be more obedient, more disciplined.. i still can't believe You wanted me to join NUS ministry.. i don't know anything about it, i don't see how i can serve You effectively in this area, n worse, i fear that yongji who heads it has a bad impression of me, n doesn't want me to get involved anymore.. haiz.. but i promise You i will sms him n try it out, cos if You have spoken to me, surely You have a task for me there, n You will bring it to pass, regardless of the circumstances.

I'm going to pray n seek You for inspiration for tml's sermon, so give me the Word to share with the rest of the cell group.

Thank you Jesus!



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