oh man what a sign!

dear Heavenly Father..

things have again happened so fast that i really dunno how i can chronicle everything down here while i'm still awake but i'll try. i know You are waiting for me to tell You all about my day n what i've learnt n how i can serve You more n what Your will is for me..

one thing that struck me last night was tat i never really prayed much about becoming a cell leader. i only remember You telling me that distinctly in 2004 at the beginning of the year, but after that for some silly reasons i ceased praying about it n just starting working towards it. help me to really focus on Your will for me n stop being distracted by everything else in my life!! circumstances change all the time, but only Your Word remains the truth forever..

oh no that is so annoying!! colin just went offline n cut off sending me 2 songs which i really like..! but anyway i dont need a song to worship You, worship is an attitude n a behaviour, not a song or a poem. offering is worship in giving. drumming is worship in itself as well! thats why i was a bit annoyed when Tisha said that she preffered choir to strikeforce becos choir was a spiritual ministry. well, strikeforce may be young in Christ, but the pple r just as on fire for God as anyone else! just becos they express their worship n creativity thru drumming doesn't mean they aren't as "spiritual" as choir members! in fact i would rate the unity n friendship in SF to be much more real than in the choir.. God i only joined choir as a ministry so i could serve You. in the beginning, i never intended to stay in the choir for long. yet for SF i can really see the potential, which is more than i can say for choir.. i feel the choir is too large, n not really managed properly. i can't believe tat every service has almost 100 choir members, n yet only around 5-6 helpers becos the members do not want to rise up! i can't believe that.. cos i believe that every Christian wants to rise up in whatever ministry You've called them into! i really pray for more n more guys n girls to rise up in the choir, be more committed n to have a willing n servant's heart..

even for myself Lord, i really pray for N280 right now. cos we're really going thru the sifting n times of tribulation.. in 2004 we went thru that as well, but things suddenly exploded after Emerge 2004 n many many new friends n members started coming in, so i don't want to give up hope just yet.. even though things seem so bleak at the moment, bingyu leaving for another church, pak lying to us n blatently avoiding us, kenneth not trusting us n straying away into bad company, qingni feeling left out of the cell, etc.. there's also many good things happening, etc mikki n clarence really rising up, joan reaching out to many frenz, shilpa n her friend being drawn to service n cell group..Father i really pray for each n every single member of the cell group that they really begin to see the problems n start praying hard n taking action, to take ownership of the cell group.. n of cos this leads to myself. i need to be less selfish n do more for the members.. i know it myself. sometimes i feel so burdened.. i have a duty to do it. i should be enjoying it, but i'm not.. i'm fearful n afraid of rejection, of hurting other pple, of making mistakes.. God pls help me stop being so fearful n just do what needs to be done according to your Word!

i'm really sleepy now but just adding in another few words about me n joan.. haha! we had dinner with her friend joan, whose boyfriend happens to be called weiwen as well! oh man! i can't believe it! haha.. another couple with the exact same names as me n joan! is that a sign or what? he is also 2 years older than her, n is a funny nice guy like me.. its really unbelievable! joan n i r gonna try to reach out to this sweet couple, along with anyone else who we can reach out to. God but cos of her i also feel like i'm annoyed n frustrated with certain stuff which i have no control over.. i can't prevent benjamin or yiwei or anyone else from liking Joan due to her adorable n likable character n personality.. n i got to learn to let go n let God. stop being so possessive of someone tat isn't even mine yet!!

its true, i'm afraid of losing someone who means so much to me, but yet i also need to trust You that You're in control of everything that happens, n that i can rest assured that all things work for the good of those who trust Him n love Him. even if i'm asked to give up Joan n take another vow, i must do it, cos i need to learn to submit myself to You. not to command You or take advantage of Your promises in the Bible, but to really know You well n know what You have in store for me.

2 months left in the army which i really dread. the guard duties r killing my skin! pls heal me quickly Lord, i don't want to suffer in silence while serving You the best i can. forgive me for all the wrong thoughts, wrong words, wrong attitudes.. pls forgive me n take away this punishment, which is almost too much for me to take.

In Jesus name i pray
Amen..