Sunday, May 22, 2005

What would Jesus do? WeiWen Joan Destiny..?

dear Lord,

its been really such a long time since i've prayed or written to You online, cos of being so busy with camp n stuff, n yeah, a lot has happened since the "fairy tale" supposed-ending of the whole thing..

yeah.. today really had a good time with Joan Ryan Benjamin n Ryan's other friends n the 2 kids, who r really quite cute! ryan's friend was quite chio n friendly, n she seems to be able to crack lame jokes n click with us, haha.. maybe next time invite her n her bf out together n chill out with us, more fun.. Ben was like so quiet the whole time, dunno whats wrong with him.. but anyway, can tell tat he was kinda annoyed that Joan brought me along for dinner n ruined his little date.. hahaha! but yeah, think today he should get a clear hint that Joan is like, totally over him liao lah.. hehz! a bit mean, but i think Joan was like kind of ignoring him also n kept talking to me the whole night, not sure if she's aware of it, or perhaps its just a subconcious thing. or maybe she doesn't want me to get jealous or something.. haha.. Lord, You know that i get jealous quite easily, cos i really dun wanna see the girl i love being chased by other guys.. its simply so annoying! first Kiat, then the usher guy, then benjamin, then yiwei.. i really had no idea she was being chased by so many guys! hahaha...

really had to concentrate hard on worshipping You during cg today n to avoid thinking wrong thoughts toward that yiwei.. cos i know jolly well he's joining our cg only to try to get close to Joan.. well, nice try but too bad, she's taken! hehehe..!

yeah i know i gotta abide by the policy of SCSR..

God 2 years is such a long time, who knows what will happen in that 2x365 days??

BUT GOD will not give us any trial or temptation which is too hard to bear, n will always provide for a way of escape! hahaha.. as long as i focus on You these 2 years, study hard while serving God in every area of my life, i believe i'll be too busy, too happy n too packed up to even worry about such things!

also thank You for the revelation today at the discipleship class.. i've really been quite selfish recently, doing things for my benefit, making a mess of my choir n strikeforce ministries n even cell group ministry.. but i was quite shocked when i actually confessed that out loud, n after that a wave of healing came over me, it was amazing.. truly when i confess my sins n repent, You are faithful n just to forgive me n make me feel whole again! i will take responsibility n be more accountable for all the work You've given me to do, n at the end of the day i wanna be a good n faithful servant of the Lord..

actually wanted to take party in the essay writing competition, but then again, i can't really write much about Bible characters which have influenced me, cos i don't really read the Bible that much, n thats very scary! sure, pple like Paul n Peter have influenced my life n thinking, but its the pple n pastors who preach the Word, who make the Word flesh for at least a few hours, that really impact my life..! pple like yujie, jairus, nicholas goh, glyn.. my previous cell group leaders, my best friends in church like lewis, rosa, weixiang, etc.. but of cos noone can ever take Your place in my heart!

hmm, i dunno why yujie felt the worship wasn't good, i thought it was ok, despite the cg not really knowing how to sing the song.. but perhaps its my fault also for not being about to fully concentrate on ushering in Your presence, n kept getting distracted by yiwei..but once yujie started preaching, i really didn't pay attention to him anymore, n the Word of God really captivated me! it was amazing how each point spoke to directly to me, both for the discipleship n the CG message! God, You are really making Your point super clear to me n Joan this time! hahaha...

yup, its gonna be tough practicing SCSR, yet for Your sake, to do Your will, i will do it willingly without complaints, eagerly, aggressively. i will discipline my flesh to do my QT n Bible reading, n learn to submet to yujie even more.

God, i was so touched when i read Joan's letters, i nearly cried when reading page 3 of how she remembers all the little things i did for her.. i don't think she knows, but actually when even jessie was still around, i did feel that Joan was an interesting person, someone that i might like! haha.. i've truly never seen someone more cheerful n full of faith n the joy of the Lord than her.

maybe i'll make a list of movies we've watched so far.. actually i like her for a much longer time than she realises, ever since the movies we watched together with Mikki, i already liked her liao.. haha..

BUT GOD will direct me in His ways, n for now till 2007, she really isn't the one for me, in fact noone is the one for me right now but You! help me to discover more n more of my purpose n goals n visions for You! to discover my destiny in God would be the best gift You could ever give me this year...

tml will be a new day Lord, n also a new beginning, of one of the most beautiful n enjoyable friendships that I will ever have in my life!

thank You for all You've done, for the blessings n protection upon me in camp, for the favour of men n God in so many areas, n for the healing which You will bring upon my skin as i sleep n rest! i will serve You for all of my days, i will never ever doubt You nor blame You for the bad things in life. i believe You will rise me up soon!

In Jesus name,


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