Monday, June 20, 2005

God i really want to get back to basics...! Worship You in spirit n in truth....!

Dear God,

i feel so frustrated n angry now! i have really planned everything then suddenly got to change my plans! haiz...

now its already 12.41 am.. i actually came online around 11.20 pm to type this blog, but got distracted once again by pple on MSN n other stuff tat cropped up.. but i guess its also a blessing cos if i didn't go online on MSN, soo huei might have no way of contacting me to inform me of music prac tml...

God if i have a bad attitude for the prac tml i really pray that You change this wrong angry attitude.. after all, it is still a way of serving You.. i don't need to teach the guitar lesson but i really do need the practice.. even if eunice n faji aren't there, i will be there, i won't excuse myself for any lame reason..

Father i really want to thank You for giving me the courage to finally do what i wanted to do many months ago.. not that i don't like the Strikeforce, i really do love the ministry so much, i have so many good friends there who r closer than my own cg members! yet i know that is not where You have called me to be. i want to be who You want me to be.. to really use my life n my skills n everything i have to really reach out to the lost, to bring in the end time harvest, to build disciples of Your Word.. not just to minister to the saved, but to really love the unchurch n show them the love of Christ..

Father i want to sing this song without all the music parts, without all the fanciful sounds n electric guitars, etc, but to really be able to sing the words to You as if every single word comes from the bottom of my heart, every single word is so sincere, to really love You and worship You, not the song, but the Holy Spirit who fills my life with Your presence..

Father about Joan i just wanna leave it as that.. just be friends with her until the end of my vow. i get really disturbed n annoyed when she keeps joking about other guys n stuff.. i shouldn't feel like that if i really truly treat her as a normal friend. i really really do like her so much.. it breaks my heart to have to bury the relationship that we have built up.. but i know that now is reallly not the time for me to like anyone. i remeber the story that yujie told me.. about how 2 pple really feel in love with each other, n yet the girl's father felt it was the wrong time for them to like each other.. yet the 2 young lovers still resisted him n continued the forbidden relationship secretly, hidden from others.. yet eventually the father found out. (i guess i can't hide anything from You even if i tried my best!) He was disappointed n angry with the young man, n told him that this relationship would come to no good end, n it was out of his will. so the young man went n took all the letters n things that he n the girl had given to each other, n went to bury them in his backyard... which is what i'm really about to do. God i have no backyard, but everything Joan has given to me, i shall keep it away.. 2 years later, the young man n woman finally matured enough n her father finally felt it was time for them to be together.. this sweet couple though were mere friends n nothing more for 2 years, still loved each other, even though they didn't go out, didn't dwell or talk about it! eventually the man brought the woman to his backyard n began to unearth the box of letters that he buried.. n the last letter which he wrote n was not yet read, he gave it to the woman of his dreams.. it was a letter asking her to marry him! so in the end, after years of waiting in silence, they both still ended up together!

God i find it amazing that such a story actually happened in real life! n its even more amazing that yujie actually told joan the same story as well.. perhaps we would really be together in the future.. but for now, we both have to concentrate on God n His will for our lives!

n honestly God, i love it! i love doing Your will, walking in the destiny that You've set before me! sometimes i may not like it, it isn't enjoyable, but i know that all things work for the good of those who love Him!

even right now i'm fighting the temptation to do the wrong thing.. even as i listen to worship songs n pray to You, its still a struggle to resist the flesh! yet i know tat i can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me.

Father i pray that You raise up another leader who is even better than me, who can do my job better in the Strikeforce.. but i still want to be a leader there, becos a leader is a leader wherever he goes! Amen..

Father i'm so burdened by the pple in the cell group who r so unstable, so inconsistent! phoebe pak kenneth, i can't believe that after so long, they still do not want to change n do the right thing.. God i pray tat they won't feel condemned but instead pray n reflect on what they've done.. n You will convict them of their sins n their need to repent,n start fuulfilling the simple requirements of being a believer of Christ! i pray that You break the devil's hold upon them! that You really bring them back into Your kingdom! bless them, fill them with Your presence, speak to them in such a loud tangible way!

i think i'll turn in, cos i still have a presentation to prepare for tml, but one last request God.. that my army friends all come for the thurs meething, that many will get touched by You n saved in Jesus name! give me courage n boldness to do what i need to do..

i'm stopping only at the mere request stage of prayer n it isn't good! gotta really learn how to pray more n worship until i'm lost in Your love.. all the Bible study in the world won't benefit me if i don't start to have a hunger n thirst for Your Word.. i really want to lead Your pple, but i know You won't let me preach n lead now cos i'm not well equipped yet. i'm not anointed as such, i don't carry Your authority.. but i will one day soon Lord! by the end of the year, i know its quite near, but i will try my best to see that Your will be done in my life!

Good night Holy Spirit!

In Jesus name,


Blogger JeSuSrEiGnS said...

Hi Weiwen,this is xiao Kenneth:)i will also pray for you ;)have a good day and be wherever the Spirit wants to bring you;)

5:36 PM


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