Safe in a crazy world..

dear Lord,

well i guess it all ends today. or maybe tml. depends on when yujie has the time to meet us both.

anyway it should have ended before it even begun. its all wrong Lord.. n i'm sorry it ever happened.

don't really know wat to expect right now.. God i'm so sorry.. i don't think i'd ever be able to do Your will cos i bow down to my flesh so easily.. You know that i knowingly sin against You in this area all the time, i pray You won't get tired of me coming before You again n again asking for forgiveness n wanting to move on after receiving Your forgiveness.. to really repent n do what's right in Your eyes n not whats right in my own eyes..

so many things coming up next week,Emerge conference, evangelistic weekend, etc.. i don't really catch the flow of the church this time round, n honestly i don't see the point in the emerge conference except to provide some entertainment for the youths.. is there something seriously wrong with me Lord? it seems i have a totally lousy attitude towards so many things now.. even toward prayer with You, toward reading the Bible.. i think i must really check myself n see whats wrong with me.. God i know tat without You my life will become meaningless n boring once again, that if i simply just want to indulge in my flesh, You will depart from me, i will grieve the Holy Spirit n never ever be able to have revelations n anointing for You..

all my ministries, strikeforce, choir, etc.. all means nothing without You. i don't really have a time to really just purely worship You for who You are in my life.. I haven't really seeked You enough, i haven't really prayed or read Your Word for months.. i think i'm really on the verge of backsliding.. i'm so tired of life, so tired of trying to live up to Your standard.. i know i'm supposed to live a life of excellence, but it seems like i'm living a mediocre life once again.

inspit of all the doing, i don't think i'm living for You at all.

Forgive me Lord.. i don't know what to do anymore. i don't even knonw if i love You anymore.. i don't know what to do with my life... come n give me direction Lord, give me revelation, give me a touch from You... one touch that will lift my life out of this valley... Ye as i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death, i shall fear no evil for You are with me, Your rod n staff comfort me..

i'm so sorry Lord.. for all the sins, all the wrong actions, wrong thoughts, wrong words i've said.. but i'm too weak right now to change for the better, i'm too tired to get back on my feet n start walking with You.. i need You to carry me in Your arms of love right now, to see me thru this period of my life...

In Jesus name,
Amen