haven't spoken a word to her in weeks...

dear God,

thanks for the great song n for the great time we had fellowshipping with surlina n her friends, with colin n joan n michelle n yongqiang, thanks for the free dinner, n for the chance to play for the wedding on saturday!

but dunno why, the moment i read jessie's blog, i feel so sad all over again, no matter how good i felt just mere minutes ago. i wonder how is she doing now? no doubt having lots of fun with all the guys chasing her. haiz.. really got to stop thinking of her anymore n move on with my life. which, by the way, isn't my life anymore but totally dedicated to You!

seeing YQ n liping, n joan n colin getting together quite soon, i feel kinda lonely. yeah i know i got You with my always, i shouldn't complain. anyway its me who agreed to go on vow for 3 years till 2007. oh God, it seems so far away! n You know me well God, You should know i'm the kind of person who really yearns for a soul mate, for companionship. yeah i know its maybe quite immature of me to think of this kind of things, i should spend more time studying n serving You in ministry, or reaching out to new friends, n everything.. spend more time praying n studying the Word of God. i don't want to be ruled by my emotions, i want to be ruled by the will of God.

having lots of friends doesn't take away the pain of losing a close friend like jessie...

i really hope n pray that she will still be friends with me. just friends n nothing else. but more importantly, i pray that she will turn back to You n not to the material things in life for comfort, that she will totally devote her life to You once again.

i also pray for Eunice, that she get the RnD job that she so desires.regarding the loan of $500, i really don't mind lending her the money first, but i understand her desire to be independent. God, please help her financially n be there for her when she needs You, i know You are a God who answers the effective fervent prayers of the righteous.

God i'm tired of struggling with constant sin. i want to live a life fully committed to You, mind body n soul. Jesus, i want to have a living relationship with You, one with love and satisfaction, not fear n condemnation. right now, i feel really bad about everything. especially my studies. if i fail, i'm going to be the laughing stock of my friends. serving God so much until i neglect my work. God i just pray for an average of Cs, to pass this semester, thats all i need. help me to be more hardworking! slay the laziness in me!!

finally Lord, help me to stay true to You n my vow to You. i want so much to chase someone, to love n to be loved. when i was together with Huimin for 3 years, no doubt there were bad times, but most of the time was almost like heaven. there's really nothing more important in the world than love. haiz...

guard my heart n my mind from temptations oh Lord. let me focus on what i need to do, what is right, what is noble n righteous. lead me into my destiny in Christ!

in Jesus name i pray
Amen.