i don't understand why i miss her so much...

dear Heavenly Father,

first of all, i really should be sleeping now, so i pray tat You give me the strength that i need to finish up this prayer...

i really ought to learn how to control my flesh n stop habitual sinning against You. i'm deliberately tempting myself sometimes, i think. help me wash my mind clean so I can serve You with a clean conscience tml at service.

just now finally had a super short talk with jessie. well, didn't really talk lah, just exchanged info cos i really didn't dare to talk to her anymore. God, why is it that i miss her so much? my heart really aches each time i happen to think of her. we were.. really close once. i don't know if she really actually loved me, given her behaviour of being so close to guys normally, but one time i do know.. is that she is really the only one i have ever liked since i broke up with my ex-gf 2 years ago.

God i pray tat You deal with all my feelings n emotions, n keep them subject to Your will. i feel like i can collaspe the moment i let go of You, cos i really have gone thru some heartache n bad times these few months. yes, i know there were good times too, but the bad times were hard to forget. esp the fights i had with jessie...

Oh Lord, i wish sometimes that You can wipe out the memories from my mind, wats the point of keeping all those memories knowing that they'll all be nothing but mere memories?

she thinks i'm out flirting n chasing other girls. haha, if only it were tat easy to forget her.

but i don't want to care about such trivial things. i prefer to be busy doing Your will, so keep me busy God. i have so much things lined up in december, all the way till Jan 2005. so i doubt that loneliness n such negative feelings will get much of a chance to surface. but if they do Lord, know that I've given my life to You, do to me as You will. i don't care about my own life n ambitions anymore, i just live to do Your will...

give me the strenght n anointing i need to serve You in an effective way tml Lord. i love You, and will continue to grow closer n closer to You everyday. thanks so much Jesus!!

In Jesus name,
Amen