Dear Lord,
its been a long while since i've posted, but recently there've been so many good things happening that i can't help but post something to say Thank You Lord!
for the wonderful cell group members tat i have. for the energy to complete my assignments n work overnight. for a wonderful girl who seems to really love me inspite of all my short comings. for the talentime finals. for the financial blessings for my birthday. for the oppertunities to perform for the strikeforce. for the change in my cg team members to those whom i can impact n influence. for a whole load of other blessings, big n small, that You've sent into my life.
Dear Lord, i thank You for everything, but most of all, I thank You for You.
last night the prayer meeting was really great! its been sooooo long since i last went to jurong west to pray at a prayer meeting, n the presence of God was really strong.. indeed, the lyrics are what i want to say to You.. The greatest thing in all my life is loving You.
but then again, can i honestly say that i love You? recently it seems that i'm giving in to my flesh more n more, even more so than even i was a christian.. is it that i'm dead in my heart, dead in my spirit, so i now just yield to the flesh without a fight? is it that i'm so tired of fighting a war which i can never seem to win, tired of fighting battles everyday which nobody but You knows, n have simply given up hope?
what hopes have i given up? firstly, the dream to be a cell leader. puff up in smoke.
what other hopes? i dunno.. i really dunno anymore. i wanted to be a musician. but they said there were too many keyboardists. i dun really want to be a singer. i know i don't have the voice, n while i like to sing, i prefer to play the instruments which really change the mood of the song.
but i guess it doesn't matter. i'll just settle for the mediocre. cos i have no more strength to go for the perfect plan that God has for me. i'd be contented serving You and loving You in whatever way i can. ambitions to do great things.. well if it comes to pass, then good, if it doens't, i'll always be able to do new things.
disppointment by failing to win 2 talentimes? perhaps.
i'm so tired of studying n serving n forcing myself to do things which i don't fell like doing, n abstain from things i feel like doing. oh God, help me to be strong in my weakness, help me to overcome things which i just don't have the strength to.
Lord, thank You for friends in my life. good friends who love me for who i am, who support me n encourage me. but at the same time, i think some friends will have to move on in their walk, as they go to a different path from me. first it was eunice. soon it will be mikki.
oh well doesn't matter. i always got the N280 special ops unit! hahaha.. that was really fun, the 9 of us guys hanging out n having good godly fun, despite the drinking n stuff. i have no idea why they like to drink alcohol, i don't need some liquid to give me an artificial high when i can enjoy the fellowship of my cell group friends. thats more than enough "high" for me!
the feeling of being a leader, to be able to command a group to charge into enemy territory, without them questioning me but trusting me that everything i say would be right. that i would lead them to victory. n i do.
Lord i pray for the peace of north korea, that You quickly dispose of that evil leader. oh man, he's really pissing off a lot of pple n if it escalates, i think we may even see war. a last resort surely, but with such communist idiots, one can never tell.
anyway Joan is coming over to study with me. i'm too tired to object n i do want someone to talk to, someone i feel comfortable sharing stuff with, someone who's not too busy to talk to me.
in Jesus name,
Amen
