Friday, December 24, 2004

its christmas eve! praise the Lord for new friends!

hallelujah God!

finally the big day is approaching! its nearly only 20 hours away till 25th Dec!

really nothing else left to say God, everything will be said at the prayer meeting later.. but one most important thing, is that tml all the new friends who say they will come will turn up, n get saved at the altar call! that is really the greatest gift that they can ever have in their lives, the gift of salvation!

i pray that i can bring a few more friends for christmas service as well, its quite meaningless to celebrate christmas without souls getting saved! esp my mum n dad n brother! i see such great potential for You to use them to impact so many other lives! so i really pray for my family's salvation this christmas!...

i'll be spending christmas with the strikeforce, if my ankle is healed by tml, otherwise i'll be spending it with the cell group... You know the desires of my heart, my flesh yearns for some female companionship, yet i know that i should be satisfied to dwell in Your presence, that Your faithful love should be sufficient for me! who am i to ask for more?

I pray for jessie, that You send someone else into her life to deal with her, cos i really can't help her anymore. maybe xiangyi or someone closer to her.

i think i'm going to sleep soon, i really want bengthye to come for service tml, but if he doesn't want to talk on msn, i really need to sleep soon to gain strength for the service n countdown tml!

oh well seems he doesn't want to come... nevermind, i'll look for more U1 n U2 pple out there! haha!

good night Lord,
Happy Birthday in advace Jesus!
Amen!

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

All i want for Christmas is You... Jesus!

argh, just posted a super long post n the stupid server was down!!!

anyway i prayed a long prayer about jessie n christmas party n everything else... God give me strength n patience when dealing with computers!! argh....

Friday, December 17, 2004

walking with Jesus..

Dear Lord,

finally the day is over and i can go to bed n rest! thanks so much for such a wonderful practice session at church! i finally feel so much a part of the band! i really want to apologise to my band members.. for blowing my top on tues over a small thing.. i should have gotten all the facts before coming to a decision instead of acting so rashly... i don't want to make such rash decisions again! thank You for sending true friends into my life like eunice ong, who really was there for me when i needed someone to comfort me n help me! thank You for pple like michelle who is helping me to get costumes for the Christmas play tml eventhough the event isn't even related to her! thank God for such great pple who r willing to go all out for lost souls, n reach out to pple that they don't even know!

God, i lift up saturday's party into Your hands. i know that nothing can be successful without prayers, n i really pray that Your presence saturate the entire function room thru out the whole party! that everything will go so smoothly as planned, the actors will remember their lines, the music n singers will blend in so well, everything will be of professsional high standard, cos God, You are a God of excellence, of abundance n more than enough! so i pray for a good turn out, for many relatives n friends to make it for the event, that many pple's lives will be touched n many will come for the following week's Christmas service at the Indoor stadium! Lord, i do not want to go thru 2004 without having saved a single soul! i pray for my family especially to get saved, especially my brother, i see so much potential in him to do great things for You! i pray that His band get saved as well, n his friends will all come for the event. i pray that the games are interesting n captivate the audience attention, that everyone will participate willingly. i pray for the drama n song items to really carry Your presence there, a tangible presence of God that no other worldly party can have. i pray for ALL of inertia to get saved, or at least to come for Christmas service, they r the main reason why i organise this party! i really want to see them all getting saved n drawing closer to each other as friends with a heavenly Father in the center of their relationships!

God, what does it take to be a righteous man? for all have sinned n fallen short of the glory of God. yet i want to walk righteous before You. not in my own human righteousnes, but covered with the righteousness of Jesus.help me to understand Your Word better, to have deeper revelations n longer conversations with You. thanks for the Word about wayne You spoke to me. i have told eunice about it. really pray that he get saved soon too!

Lord i really don't wish to bother about BGR right now or eveer again until 2007! i trust my life in Your hands, my happiness, my relationships, everything... i don't need to worry, for the Bible commands us not to worry! let me stay in this faith charged mood for the whole holidays n remainder of 2004! then when 2005 comes Your glory will shine even brighter in my life, amen! i want to keep praying n seeking Your face, worshipping You n knowing more of my destiny in Christ!

thanks for all You've done for me!

In Jesus name,
Amen!

Thursday, December 16, 2004

thanks for a great prayer meeting Lord!

Dear God,

no doubt You turned up when i needed You the most! i really enjoyed the PnW today at the prayer meeting, only the spirit chords were wrong n that disrupted the flow somewhat, but other than that, i felt really good about today's playing. it was as if i felt so right playing the keyboard n really enjoyed myself praising n worshipping You for once! usually when i play for meetings i get so scared n anxious about playing the wrong notes n stuff like that, keep looking frantically at song leader n stuff... hahaha...

lots of things to do tml, got dental appt, then meeting YQ n my JC frenz for CS.. Lord, it is so difficult to reach out to them! they don't seem the least bit interested in Christianity at all.. should i move on to a different group of friends? i mean these guys.. they are my friends even before i got saved.. its gonna be hard to leave them, You know what i mean? and i'm a person who doesn't really have much friends outside of church.. cos i'm not like mr popular or anything.. i really don't know what kind of life i'll be living without You in it. probably just doing whatever my friends do, following the latest trends n stuff.

God please send me some U1 n U2 pple for me to bring for Christmas! i wanna bring all the line dancing pple on the 25thm hope my mum supports me on this. sometimes i feel like i'm fighting a lonely battle, just me against the world of unsaved pple. thank God for kenneth n clarence, pple who remind me that there are pple out there who r so willing to say yes to You, n get saved! i pray You use me to disciple them n teach them Your ways. but 1st of cos, i need to live out my life as an example, to really bring my own friends for Christmas. i pray that You use me to reach out to all the old friends like mingfu, berry, sharon, weide, sunshine, weisheng, grace, etc... there's so many young pple who came n left. i feel so sad n angry, why did they leave God's presence? is the world really so good? i want them to come back to You this christmas! i will do everything within my strength to bring them back to You. i think they are such lovable n great pple with wonderful potential to do great things for You, really pray that they come back to You this season!

ok i think i'll go sleep soon. thanks once again for sending the right pple into my life to disciple me, to teach me keyboard n other things in life. i really felt satisfied n happy serving You today, n fellowshipping with my cg members n zone members. after all, we are all one in the body of Christ, we should be able to "flow" easily with one another! help each other grow stronger in our walk with You, strengthening n encouraging one another. brother n sisters in Christ, with a pure love for God n each other. that is one thing that i really long to see in my cg n zone. pure sibling love for each other, not crushes n lustful looks. to be able to love each other in a way that Christ loved the church, by this shall all man know that we are His disciples, if we have love one for another. i lift up my life into Your hands, let Your will be done in my life!

In Jesus name
Amen!

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

God refresh my soul!

Dear heavenly Father,

i know this is really unusual to make 2 prayers in one night, but really i feel i haven't been spending enough time with You. wanna get more anointing from the Holy Spirit, to dwell in Your presence more, to experience Your love more...

just now was trying to share the love of Christ with a fren but suddenly feel so tired.. then went to check my hp, got so many missed calls n sms.. argh! God help me i feel like i'm going to break down liao! i have so many things to do, yet i don't have the strength nor the will nor the ability to do them! give me direction, what to do n where to go in my life.. i know that You have great plans for me, i can see glimpses of these plans sometimes, i had dreams of doing great things for You before.. but those dreams seem such a long time ago, nowadays the dreams i have are nightmares.. more mundance boring dreams. i pray I'm not turning into a mundane boring person!

2 weeks into december n i still dunno who i'm reaching out to! this is really so frustrating, cos firstly i'm not close to any frenz to be able to reach out to them effectively, secondly is that i don't have the time to, thirdly, i have fear in reaching out to them, cos really i've tried n tried so many times n get rejected again n again... God i really need some encouragement from You. some encouragement from cell members would help as well.. not counselling or whatever, some words of encouragement would do! even a simple thank you. i'm so sick of hearing pple say sorry for this n that.. oh well, i guess the same can be said of You too? everyday i'm coming to You saying sorry for the bad habitul sin i keep doing... i really want to change for the better n be a good disciple of Christ!

i should start reading Your Word to encourage myself with the promises of God! like king david who strengthened himself in the Lord when his kingdm abandoned him.. hmm.. its true i have much to do, but first i need to know why i'm doing it n who i'm doing it for... i really want to do things only for You, not for my selfish ambition or for other pple's pleasure.. but to serve You alone. The Lord is my God n Him only i shall serve!

so many challenging new songs to practice n play! i really need to buck up on my keyboard skills, but more importantly to get more anointing from the Holy Spirit! prayers n fastings, the only way to get more of You in my life... i need to make so decisions soon n stick to them!

ok think i really should go to bed now, the weather is cool n nice... God i will worship You for all of my days, i'll do anything You ask me to cos i love You so much.

Good nite.

In Jesus name i pray,
Amen

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

sick physically spiritually emotionally!

Dear God,

this has really been a lousy week for me... since sat things haven't been going well for me, n i'm really really feeling pretty lousy about myself.. i don't have the urge to pray or read Bible.. i mean i want to, but when i get down to it, i get so distracted n sort of just stare into space n blank out.. what's happening Lord?

anyway i'm really sorry for all the sins that i committed today, i was so annoyed, or should i say furious? at the band for giving me all sorts of excuses. i really don't feel like talking to them about it anymore n just forget the whole thing. i shouldn't have asked them to play for my party, this is a lesson i learnt. i mean, yeah they're great pple n nice n all, but just couldn't care less about my party. its not like i haven't put in effort to organise anything for them. but nevermind, i must learn to accept things for what they are n try my best to adapt to the situations.. i guess everyone has a reason n a valid one at that, so i really got nothing to say.. i'm not their CGL, i have no right to say anything.. but really got angry this afternoon, thank God eunice was there to talk to me n try to make amends, by organising a prac on fri nite.. but i dunno, if i didn't blow up, would anyone do anything? do they have to wait until i get angry before they start to get serious? maybe i need to stop talking nonsense n start being more serious so pple will take me more seriously.

yeah, i think thats one of the things i need to do. be more serious n stern with pple. that will probably be one of my new year resolutions. to be more serious n talk less nonsense. i'm sick of pple telling me they don't take me seriously, cos i joke around too much.

anyway yeah i really pray that You'll anoint me to play for tml's prayer meeting at church. n most importantly, i pray that You give me strength to last thru out the dec holidays.. it seems to me that i'm even more tired n busy during the holidays than during normal sch days. i'm getting burned out n tired out, i really feel so stretched n burdened.. why is that so? Lord, is this how i'm going to live the rest of my life? forever being so busy serving n serving n serving n not being able to do what i like to do? meet up with friends more movies n all that? where has my life gone to? i dun really have much of a life, spending most of the day at the PC or at the TV today... i really itch to go out with my friends n talk to pple.. cos thats what i'm good at, communicating n talking. reaching out to others. but then again, i can't be bothered.

this is going to be a sad christmas for me.. spending christmas alone again. watched the movie alexander today, what one wise man said is true, you feel most alone when you are in the biggest crowd. i still remember christmas in 2002 after i broke up with huimin. christmas at the indoor stadium. 10,000 pple singing n laughing n enjoying themselves. but suddenly i felt so alone. so distant from everyone... even from You, God. i know i shouldn't feel that way, that i should be of good cheer n celebrate Jesus's birthday, but i can't help the way i feel.

even now, i really don't know how to face jessie. she doesn't seem to want to talk to me. why doesn't she just get attached n leave my life totally? i don't want to see her like that, halfway here n there. i'm also pretty confused bout my life now, all i know is that i want to serve God with all of my heart, mind n strength. take all of me in exchange for all of You.

God, wouldn't it be really amazing if one day You actually replied to my blog? hahaha.. yeah, but You'd do it thru my quiet time, thru the Word, n not thru the internet! haha. really wish You can help me settle my life, cos everything seems to be in a mess right now. like my room. hahaha!

i have to write a spiritual diary but this is actually my spiritual diary, i find it rather annoying to write it twice! God pls heal my cough, i really want to sing for You on choir n to be totally healthy for the evangelistic party this saturday! though i know pple may not share the vision with me, i don't care. the purpose of the party is to celebrate Christmas, Your birthday, n i'm jolly well gonna make it a good one, the best that i can give. Lord You deserve my best n so much more. i have no regrets doing all that I cann for You n to bring in the lost souls. i pray that many pple get impacted n touched by You during the party, tat Your presence be in the function room from the begining to the end of the whole event.

let me change my way of thinking, im still pretty childish n petty when handling issues.. let me live according to Your Word.

In Jesus name i pray,
Amen

Friday, December 10, 2004

things aren't working out well for me but i still trust in God for everything!

dear God,

thank You for all the souls that were saved n impacted by tonight's service! it was really a good combine zone meeting, with a great spiritual atmosphere! the praise n worship was super charged up, which i thought was quite unusual! n thank God for so many new frens in the cell group! though i admit for myself i failed to bring a new fren, nevertheless, my members really did their duty well n brought many new frens, praise God!

God, can see that You are really doing a work in the lives of the members in N280, asking them to leave the crew n all that... but i really pray that what they are doing is really Your will for them, n not just something done in the spur of the moment!

Lord, i really sinned against You last night, even right after finishing my blog prayer entry! i can't belive my fleshly desires are really so strong n my spirit man is so weak! really gotta immerse myself in the Word n in prayers! forgive me Lord n give me the strength to truly repent n move on with You, cos i need to confess n repent n change my ways.. the true mark of a disciple is that he has love for You so much that he is willing to do anything n everything for You, n love his brothers n sisters in a pure way.

anyway i think i better go n sleep cos i have to give tuition tml, n also meet up with a lot of frenz! i pray You use me to invite them for Christmas, n also to witness to them in a positive manner, that glorifies Your name!

in Jesus name i pray,
Amen.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

focusing in on my calling...!

dear God,

wah its really been such a tiring day! ever since i came back from penang, its as if i'm suddenly thrust into a sea of activity! plunging straight into a storm of happenings! yet i know that as long as i know as i'm doing all these for You n not for any other reason, n as long as You are happy with me, i'm glad to be able to serve You in such ways! in fact sometimes, i feel i'm really not doing all that i can to the best of my ability, i do things in a slipshod manner sometimes, but anyway, all glory be to God for the good things in life!

first of all, thanks for a great prayer meeting with eunice john n grace, and also a great cg outing with YQ alex john n yangshuo n arthur! funny how we usually get closer once the cell group multiplies! i guess usually we take one another for granted.which is a bad thing actually! also thanks for a good session with wendy n john, i really hope she comes back to God once again, n don't give up her salvation for worldly pursuits..

i really pray that those pple who promised to come for the combined meeting tml will keep their word n turn up! i pray for adrian yang, wilson n simon, though i doubt simon will come being so anti-christian, i really hope that wilson n adrian will come, that john will help me reach out to them in the midst of the movie even... there's so many things i need to do tml once again but i pray that You do miracles in me, n help me to accomplish all my tasks with maximum efficiency... to serve God with a spirit of excellence, cos You deserve the very best that i can give.

Lord, take charge over all the outings n christmas events in december! for the party on the 18th to the prayer meeiting n year end combine zone meeting, to the special items, n christmas services n performances at orchard, Father i pray that You really bring Your presence down to all these events, n Holy Spirit aniont all the pple who are involved in all these evangelistic events. we are all doing this for the lost souls to know You so that they might get saved, we are not doing this for our own glory! at least for myself, i really pray that You touch the hearts of thousands of pple this Dec holiday period, that many pple will get saved. not just come for the events to have fun, but to really be touched by You n change their lifes forever...

i know i'm a terrible organiser, i really need Your help for the xmas drama n the song items, the band doesn't even have time to practice together! God, pls make everyone free for just 2 hours so we can meet up to practice for the drama n the songs! help me to organise my life n all these events, to put things in order. You are a God of order n justice, who hates iniquity n lawlessness, i pray that You convict the hearts of the pple who r i key positions, that they will really work together with me n You on all these christmas events! Father i do not want to labour in vain, but to produce much fruit out of all these events! it will be a waste of time if in the end, nobody gets touched by You n nobody gets saved. Lord, please help me to influence n lead the pple to do things faster n more efficiently.

i'm going to sleep now, good night God! see ya later!

in Jesus name i pray,
Amen!

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

back from penang trip!

Dear Heavenly Father,

Wow, thanks for such a wonderful fulfilling trip! the food in penang is really super delicious! after coming back to singapore, i felt that everything taste so blande n boring! hahaha..! think this week i must put aside one day to fast for the combined zone meeting, either tml or thurs.. partly for the new friends, n also to make up for today, cos i really didn't know about the fasting until i reached singapore! n thank You for letting me eat till my hearts content before telling me to fast! hahaha...

But anyway...

I know my old bad habits r catching up with me again, cos i gave in to temptation accidentally in penang, but nevertheless, i will still get over it n repent n move on. thanks Jesus for trusting in me always, tat no matter how i fall or how many times i fall, i will keep getting up n moving on with You, i will never backslide, not ever again!

God, i really wanna be serious right now, i really pray for a lot of things.. there's a 101 thoughts running thru my head now, i pray first of all that You help me to focus on Your will, speak to me on what You want me to do! there's so many things i can be doing, but i don't want just to be a do-er, but a do-er of Your will, obeying Your Word!

Lord, the most pressing thing on my mind right now is really, the new friends n the backsliders for the combined zone meeting on thurs. i don't want to go there emptyhanded, without new frenz, but i don't want to trick my frenz into going there as well cos it just feels wrong. i wanna bring my family members there. God, i pray that my brother will be free n willing to come. i really thank God that he said "not yet" when the aunt asked if he was a christian! it may seem like a small comment to others, but it really meant a LOT to me God, i think You know what i mean. cos i really really want to see my family get saved this year, maybe at Christmas. my dad, my mum and my brother. thats the highest priority. then after that my cousins, my uncles n my aunts, cos i know it is really kinda tough for me to reach out to my older relatives, cos i don't think they will treat me seriously until i have "made my mark" in society. guess that's just the way adults think, they won't take "children" seriously until they grow up n show themselves worthy of being called men n women. but nevertheless, i pray tat You somehow use me to reach out to my entire family, to be alight in the darkness, a city on a hill that cannot be hidden, to glorify Your name in my family. n to do that, You have to make me into a "superhuman" with good results, good PR skills, favour from men, etc... without You i don't think i can ever achieve what others expect or hope for me to achieve. I am so much like my sister Eunice, often having doubts bout myself. yet sometimes, i can act in such a foolish arrogant manner, acting as if i know so much, n get lifted up in pride! God forgive me for all the negative, insulting, crude n proud statements that i've made about myself or other pple, i really know tat it is wrong.

but aside from my parents, n my brother, the other group of pple who really keep popping into my mind is the line dancers! ling n rosalyn, chong huat n kiat, n of cos my aunt phyllis. really pray that somehow You have used this trip to impact them n that i will be able to bring them for Christmas service on 25 dec at the SIS, or maybe some other event. i dunno, but i know one thing, is that You are in total control of all my situations, You will not send me on this trip knowing that it is a waste of time! therefore, it is NOT a waste of time, cos i hope i used the time to reach out to whoever is around me, shining the light of Christ thru my actions, behaviour n speech. they r really such nice caring pple, and i wonder if they have all heard the gospel before? i will try my best to reach out to them God, i promise You. i will invite them for Christmas, n i pray that they get saved, so they can influence my parents as well, n my Christmas wish, if anything i ask for will be done, if for the salvation of all these pple, n many others. i don't want riches or anything else. i just want to see the pple i love getting saved. although this may sound selfish, i want my family n friends to get saved 1st, then the rest of the world. Lord, correct me if this thinking is wrong. but i really would like to have my mind at ease knowing that the closest pple to me on earth is going to heaven with me. i trust that You know the desires of my heart.

next, i pray for all the backsliders to come back to God, not matter how far they have wandered. pple like wendy, barry, weisheng, jessie, yvonne, sharon, weide, sunshine, grace, weihao, nolly, jessica, wudi, guanjie, wayne, n countless others who have come n gone like the wind, going back to the world.. Father i pray that somehow You can use me to reach out to this special group of pple... even pple like Joanne, Yilin, etc.. i really feel its such a waste, for them to have tasted Your goodness n then to go back to the world.. the Bible already describes the backsliders like dog who lick their own vomit! tat is so gross. but i have been there myself. i have my own stumbling block, the bowl of lentil soup. help me, give me the strength to resist the temporal physical pleasures of the world, n prefer to dwell in the presence of the Most High God, doing Your will n disciplining my flesh to my spirit. i see these backsliders n my heart sometimes really just aches.. cos some of them r pple that i love n have treated so well.. i don't want them to perish, i want them to serve God alongside me, growing into mature sons n daugthers of Christ together!

then there's also the new friends, those who have yet to make a decision to stay for God, who come only for fun n play. pple like jiaqi, eunice loh, etc. actually i don't really know the true reason why some of them come, but i pray that whatever it is, that You really touched their hearts. for those who have totally never heart the mention of Your name before, i pray for their hearts to be so softened, that they do not come with a critical spirit, but with an open n humble attitude, a willingness to know more bout You, to know the truth before making any judgements. i pray for myself, i am able to bring at least 3 friends, personal friends, pple who want to go down n not just go for the sake of me asking them to go. n i also pray for the cell group members, whose friends said they would come, that there will not be any last min sabo, that they will keep their word n come! i pray for my new cell group N280 to bring at least 10 new friends on thurs, n that out of the 10, at least 5 will be rooted into the cell group!also which brings me to my next prayer item, the cell group!

Father, i know this is a really long prayer request, but i really wish to pray for all these things properly, because the effective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much, n i know You want to see my heart, You want us to pray prayers of faith n hope, to proclaim Your Word back to You! You said that when 2 or more gather to pray in Your name, You will be in their midst! So there is power in unity, i pray that the new cell group members can really bond together n create long-lasting friendships, help each other grow closer to You, n to have everlasting fellowship! so i haven't met the new members yet but i pray that You enable me to communicate with them easily, n also for me to watch n pray always over my actions! i do NOT want to break my vow, or get involved in any improper relationship or behaviour ever again! until 2007, i do not even want to like any sister-in-Christ. help my will to control my emotions, n not the other way round. i feel that Christmas is really the most romantic n wonderful time of the year, when love is really in the air, n i really will get lonely n down, whenever i'm alone on my bed, n i'll start to think of all the nonsense of how lonely i am. but i come against that thought in Jesus name! let the world know that i am perfectly content to live in the shadow of Your wing, to do Your will at the expense of mine. i pray that You be with me in such trying times, comforting me, Holy Spirit, comfort me in times of need, when i feel so alone, let me know You are right beside me, encouraging me to move on for God. Thank You Holy Spirit, Father, Jesus. I know with 3 of You i will never be alone ever again! haha!

So tml is a brand new day, i pray that You help me to focus once again, prioritise my activities, so i can really be a totally effective, on fire, anointed Christian n worker for Christ! there's still so much to pray for, the X'mas party at my house, the zone prayer meetings, the year-end combined meeting, but really the main thing that I'm praying is for the lost souls to find their salvation in You once again, cos this Christmas, it is really a great time for pple to start to fall in love with You all over again. even for myself, Lord i pray that i do not get too caught up in serving, but i also rememebr to worship You every single day, to live my life with You in it every single moment, knowing that i have peace n joy in the servitude of God. Thank You Jesus, for every good thing in my life! i really enjoy being with You, praying to You n dwelling in Your presence.

I pray for Your grace n wisdom n strength to be with me tml as i go about my activities, that i will always be conscious of the Holy Spirit's prompting, tat ervrything i do will be used to glorify Your name. Humble me God, i know i am a proud person. make me serve You, not the ministries, but to really serve You as a humble lowly servant. but also refresh me n encourage me constantly. You are my God, who is able to do all things, able to supply my needs according to the riches and glory of Christ Jesus!

In Jesus name i pray,
Amen!!

Friday, December 03, 2004

Just came back from a really awesome zone camp!!

Dear Heavenly Father,

Wow wow wow! What an awesome zone camp! i really didn't expect it to be so much fun! really had a lot of fun playing the games, meeting new friends, worshipping God as a zone and also as a cell group, getting to know my cg members n other zone members better as friends n not just acquaintences, playing guitar n singing songs to You.. wow it was really a very well organised zone camp, but not only that i belive that You really anionted the cg leaders n charmaine to get such a great camp going, the games running smoothly with no mishaps, evryone being willing n cooperative, n really almost everyone having a great attitude in all things. i will never forget this zone camp of 2004, where i met many good pple, i won't consider them as friends just yet, but nonetheless they r great pple who really love God n love pple wholeheartedly. though i didn't manage to talk to many of the younger zone members, i still managed to have short chats with some of them, n i really feel like a backslider sometimes! hahaha...

God i pray tat i will honour You this coming sunday, n even if i'm on holiday, i will still go my QT n read my Bible, cos i really flow with the theme of the camp, slaying giants. i wanna slay the giant of laziness n mediocrity in my life, stubborness to change, arrogant attitude, n so many other things in my life which i know is not right. tht You are not pleased to see me still carrying out my life as normal, as if i didn't sin against You. even such a small thing, like jeering n shouting camp-slogans like "why are we waiting?" i felt so bad after i said that, cos i really want to be an encourager to others, to be an example to the younger members, be it in my cg or in my team!

just like Esasu who sold his birthright for a mere bowl of soup, i gave up my holiness n sanctification with jus a simple statement, made in jest. it was not good to say such things. also the 1st nite i really had a bad atttitude of not wanting to sleep! i mean yeah, camp is supposed to be a time where we can spend as much time together having fun, as well as to know each other better. however there's more to that than just coming together as a zone to have funn n minister to one another, to really learn to step out in faith, to catch something from the sermons that charmaine preached. i know its wrong, yet i stilll challenge Your Word in such ways, to challenge sister charmaine's authority about not being able to sleep on the 1st night, cos i was really selfish n just wanted to have fun. I missed out the true intention n goal of the zone camp, was not just to play but to really train up disciples of Christ. like what pastor always says, we are to make disciples of all the nations, from judea to samaria to the ends of the earth! wow!

so i realise that my flesh still opposes me, each time i want to accomplise something for God. no matter how much i know or should know, no matter how hard i try on my own strength, i know Lord that i can't acomplise without Your grace n anointing, i really need You to come n save me from drowning in a exam result of joy, but if i end up failing anything, i won't be able to be accountable to my parents.

but anyway Lord, thanks for revealing to me the real state of affairs in my hear. i know there's so much potential in me, cos God is a respecter of noone! He loves us n wants to teach us all things. of cos together wityh the power of the Holy Spirit, i donb't have to live a fake christian walk anymore. its either i go all the way with God, or even worse, start to thinik that other things, like pubbing n movies, etc. things are in itself not wrong, but then its the spirit which is behind all these bad things, which discourage me from hanging out there..

2005 is the year Lord! i pray that You rise me up as a cell group leader, someone who is able to stretch himnself, n also to do what is required of him, etc.. but in short, i really want to be a CGL, but first i need to know if i'lm doing this for fame or for money, not anything but really for God n God alone is able to get me go out n take care of new friends,esp in bad times when i don't even feel like it.

God think i only slept about 2 hours at the zone cmap, feeling really sleepy now, i pray tht You grant me n my family journey mercy, n pray that we'll remember you as you bless me mightily this dec hols!

in Jesus name i pray,
Amen!