Thursday, November 29, 2007

maybe its time to end this.

Dear God,

I'm so dead for the exam today! Totally don't know how to do some of the questions, and smoked my way through some, but then again i guess a lot of other pple didn't know the answers to those questions too, so hope it doesn't turn out too bad.

oh who am i kidding.

i'm past that, i don't really think i can fail any exam. its Joan that i'm frustrated about, whats on my mind. i can't freaking sleep cos of her, n i gotta wake up early for a gig tml! speaking of which, i really regret playing for it, cos i have a hell lot more to study for friday's exam, and worse still, i don't have all the cases which i need to refer to. damn.. i just hope to scrap through for friday's paper, maybe just a 50% pass will do, cos i think i really don't have enough time n energy to prepare for it..

but back to the main topic of Joan.

God i really don't know how to handle her sometimes. i hate it, really HATE it when she gives me that pissed off look when she's angry with some small thing. i've endured it for the past few months, but she's really taking it for granted that i'll give way to her whenever she pulls a long face. well, i'm sick of giving way to her and her ridiculous childish antics to make me do things her way. if she wants to breakup then i'm totally fine with it. why waste time on her when i can spend the time doing other things? i really cannot be bothered to try and fix this anymore, cos every time its ME who's the one doing all the work at trying to solve the problems in our relationship, i'm fucking tired, give me a fucking break.

I'm pissed off also, as you can see. My skin problem is worsening perhaps due to stress over exams, perhaps due to her, or my cell group leader, or whatever fucking problems that pple like to pour on me.

Honestly there's only one desire on my mind: pass the exam, start work soon and make a SHIT LOAD of money so i can do whatever i fucking want to do with my money, without having to care about who i offend or who needs it.

honestly i have very few friends left becos i spend so much time with Joan that i've neglected all my other friends. becos i thought she was worth it, i really wanted to make it work this time. i was making marriage plans n saving up for the long term, for the future, etc. but since she can so candidly just mention the word breakup becos of some stupid assumption that i'm walking away from her, then by all means, i give up.

i don't have the strength to keep trying in this relationship, i don't have the finances to keep blessing her when her idiotic parents treat her like crap and her own sister only does nothing but get money from her boyfriend like some bloodsucking leech. what a pathetic family she has. i try my best to provide for her, to give her comfort, but what do i get in return?

"break up."

fucking moral of the story is, why bother being the nice guy all the time n end up getting hurt in the end?

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Its past 1 in the morning and I realise I've not blogged for more than a month!

I'm sure I wrote in a few other comments but somehow they didn't show up here. Wonder why?

Anyway exams are around the corner. That stinks.

Whats even worse is that I don't know if I have enought pupilage days to qualify for the next mass call, my stupid firm won't calculate the days for me, the BLE is being totally anal about it and can't give a damn, I really think the law profession sucks big time.

And cos of the lack of days cos I took too many MCs in june, I can't go for the batam holiday with Millie n her friends. I can't stand it, they expect us to start work the moment we end school without any holiday breaks in between? Like, as if everyone can adjust immediately to a working lifestyle from a student lifestyle? But I guess the bottom line is that they just don't care do they?

I'm depressed and pissed off with my school and the firm, I've got cell group members to handle, new friends, and above it all, I'm in the midst of exams. How reassuring.

If God doesn't show up and do a miracle like He did for my past exams, I'm so dead.