Thursday, June 28, 2007

11.16 pm

can't believe i'm still in office at this time... argh... headache's starting to kick in.. n sleepiness also..

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

June 26 and a hectic past 2 weeks!

Dear God

Its been a really super tiring and busy past 2 weeks for me! I think ever since I posted the last post, and oh boy, prayer really works well. Thanks for giving me lots of work so I can see how well I deal with stress and work, as well as juggling between church stuff, relationship, friends, family, etc.. God its really not easy. If I spend more time at work, I've less time for so much other things!

Thank God for the KL strikeforce trip. I hope I can have some fun and enjoy myself on the trip, and at the same time get some R&R.

Jean, the pretty lawyer from the firm left yesterday! So sad. And poor Jiewei, she worked so hard on the prospectus she fell sick! And I still had to keep calling her for stuff on her hp. Lord pls help me get through my last 2 weeks here with strength and energy, to be sharp n have no more skin problems!

Really annoyed with my skin problems of late, its been really cold and dry in the office. God, pls heal my skin n I'll do my work better, be able to finish my work faster and hopefully get home earlier to do some quality quiet time with You. I've been so tired recently, when I reach home I just take a bath and jump into bed! Sorry for not praying and honouring You for the past few weeks, I will try my best to do more QT and read the Word more.. Its the only way I'm gonna do anything effective for Christ.

I'm really worried about Joan's finances. Perhaps I should shelve my whole birthday celebration plan, and spend the money on Joan? I think in the end I most probably will. Cos its not working out very well anyway, still unable to source for a place.. I'll rather use the money to bless Joan and my cg members and the new friends. After all, not my will but Yours be done..

Thank You for touching my heart on sunday once again. I know i've neglected You too much once I started working, sacrificing more for my job than for You, its really too scary to put into words.. I want You to be the focus and the center of my life, not my work, not Joan, not anything else but You. let that be the cry of my heart!!!

Lord, help me disciple and raise up strong members in the cell group, as well as integrate the new friends! we have so many new friends for the soccer out reach Lord, i'm so excited at the potential of this cell group! Thank You for bringing them in, now help us to retain them!

Mauris, terence, joe, daniel, han qing, etc.. so many members are reaching out effectively, they've done the natural part, now comes the spiritual part. praying for their salvation and meeting their needs.

Lord bless N280 financially, spiritually, and evangelistically!

In Jesus name I pray,
Amen. =)

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Wednesday morning and its such a drag cos once again i've finished my work liao...

Dear Lord

Last night had a good talk with Valerie about my life and what I intend to do in the near future. Last night I didnt pray nor read the Bible nor did anything spiritual yet. But its ok, I will remember to try again tonight, after I come home from tuition. It is really annoying cos I know I have no time to really go out once I resume my tuition lessons n stuff, and I've no choice cos I won't get any money if I don't give tuition! In fact, by right, I should be able to be self-sufficient by this time in my life, but cos studying takes too much time, I don't have much time to work and get money. N even worse now that I'm attached, I've a need to reconsider what I'm doing and make sure I dedicate enough time to Joan.

Of cos not that i'm complaining or I dislike spending time with her, but i was just thinking of all the other things I could be doing, but now have to dedicate more time to spend with her. No more computer games and late dinners n coffees with friends at night. Partly cos of work as well.. Tonight actually melissa intended to go clubbing but I think will give it a miss cos I'm really too tired from starring at this stupid computer screen! White walls, white table, grey cupboards.. oh man, so boring colours! I need more colour in my life.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

My second post for the day.. Gosh its really damn boring here at office!

Dear Lord,

Just finished doing something simple for Raj. Honestly I really want to do more work cos I'm getting a little worried that if I don't do work and I always go off on time at 6 pm, people are going to wonder if I'm a slacker. Actually they're probably already wondering that and being nice just not to reprimand me about it. Haiz.. I really needed the extra sleep yesterday, but I know I was wrong to skip work.. Please help me to be more sensible and just sleep early from now on. I've about 3 weeks of work left plus this week another 3 more days, so I really hope that the next 3 weeks I'll be piled up with so much work so that I can really learn more stuff during this month, rather than just go through roughly what I already know, or do more simple admin related stuff that the secretaries can do. -_- Just too bad that currently the people who usually give me work are overseas and I'm left with nothing much to do. Think I'll pop over to the litigation department to look for more work again before the end of the day. I must also remember to ask KC if I can follow him to court for a mediation on friday. Think maybe he won't like me following him around, but it won't hurt to ask.

There's so much I want to blog down, about emerge conference, about finally getting together with Joan, the one girl who can really make me smile no matter what I'm going through, and God i'm so thankful to her for being with me all the way during the last few months, when I was so stressed and worried over my exam results, which didn't turn out so good, but definitely wasn't as bad as I dreaded! I mean I realised that all those late nights worrying about something which I had no control over, instead of praying for the peace of God, was really a stupid thing to do, and yet here I am again, worrying that people don't like me so they don't give me work to do. I must be going crazy!

Strikeforce is going to Shanghai next next week and then going to Taiwan in July. God how I wish I can go with them to Shanghai and Taiwan! I know Shanghai I definitely won't be able to go because of work, but July I think I might be able to go if I can just pontang some lectures.. But honestly I know I won't go. I can't afford to skip anymore classes, even if its painfully boring and lonely. Yet God You are with me through it all, and I really want to excel in my job.

I have it all planned out.. and it sounds a little mediocre and boring. Work like hell for the next 5 years, get married at 28, get a nice house and a nice car, then work for another 5 ears and hopefully get to become a partner by the time i'm 35. Then continue to work for another 10 years, dwelling into the arena of politics and community work. But God, this plan, I leave it in your hands to crush and change it as You will.. Because I know that this plan is just from my carnal thinking, with no revelation about it. God I'm so far from You, I do what I do out of habit, but the love for You had dried out, grown cold. I'm full of fear, regret, laziness, apprehensiveness and passive. A shell of who I was 2-3 years ago.

No doubt I'm prospering, in relationships, in finances, in ministry. But whats the use when at the end of it, I lose my salvation because I choose to ignore You?

I don't know if I can do it.. if I can once again bring myself to worship and pray and read the Bible, to know You and Your Word more. I want to try.. and tonight, after the conversation with Valerie, I promise You, I will. Even if it doesn't work out as I want it to, I will still try and keep trying and keep trying and keep trying.. I can't promise not to give up, but I will keep trying until something drastic happens.. until I break through to You, or I break myself.

Or maybe I have to break myself first, then I can break through to You?


In Jesus name,
Amen.

3rd Week at work.. damn sian..

Dear God,

I am incredibly bored.. and honestly I want to do work but so far I haven't done anything really significant and exciting yet.. Basically I can even remember all that I've done. Let me try to recall those stuff I've done since day one so that I can write a report or something when the time comes to do so. But oh well nevermind, it seems that everyone's really busy in the office except me.. whats the problem? They don't trust me to do work? I'm going to walk around and ask for work now cos I'm really no learning anything just by sitting in the office all day long starring at the computer screen. Pls help me get some good mentors here at the office.

In Jesus name,
Amen.