Last day at strikeforce n a semi-boring choir dinner.

Dear God,

last night was my last appearance at MTT for strikeforce cos after that, its assignments and school work all the way. probably my last duty for choir as well, until May, that is.

but i suppose it ending with a small "pop", even if not the bang that i had hoped. but it wasn't too bad. soo huei is going into army soon, titus is flying off to taiwan to study for about a year, so last night was their last MTT too. had fun talking with lydia millie soo huei cheryl jan n julia last night at the prata shop, then had a long talk with 3 of them on the mrt going home. kinda surprised that huei actually gave me a supper treat before going into army! haha.. i guess when alex comes back we could hang out more, they're pretty cool n funny guys. hehz. plus, hanging out with them means i don't have to worry about BGR or girls or any other nonsense, they're really the "guy" kind of crowd. haha!

from today onwards, i will begin to work on my assignments. that really sucks, but i have no choice. there's datelines to be met, work to be done. i can't rely on anyone to study with me liao, so i have to go it alone for now.. 2 agonizing months. but then again, i have to go thru it. it is my destiny, my desire, my mission in life. to really change to perspective of how pple see lawyers, to make it less cold n calculative, but to use the legal system to care for families and the community. help me Lord, make my dream come true.. as i study, do help me understand quickly, read faster, concentrate longer, remember more stuff naturally. i have stacks of stuff to read up, n its taking its toll on me.

4 assignments to do! God help me

nothing much to post.. but i won't be free to blog for a very long time...

stepping down from choir n strikeforce.. concentrating on studies... haiz...

God help...

back from movie... whats wrong with my com..

dear Lord,

been days since i last blogged. apparently blogging has opened up a whole new can of worms for some pple... some of my old friends got into a big hooha over something that someone wrote n retaliated with some nasty stuff on her own blog as well, n i think the whole incident is really childish, but nevermind.. pple then to write nonsense when they're emotional. i.e. myself.

tml will be a better day.. i must really start learning to wake up earlier despite the cool weather which is perfect for sleeping in!

pink panther wasn't too bad, i had a good time laughing my head off. goes to show that newspaper reviews are usually wrong, movies r really subjective. i had lots of fun with my friend, who was so generous to treat me to popcorn n a drink. sort of a Vday celebration for her since she was so pitiful doing project on the actual day! haha..

God, time for me to really reflect on what i'm doing n to start planning seriously for the future. do guide me along, i'm quite lost now...

in Jesus name,
Amen

right.. sort of my real 1st day of school! hahaha...

dedication entry to a person who recently caught my attention who would've somehow been the one if not for circumstances in the natural realm. (haha.)

anyway if anyone reads this, disclaimer that it is all purely a renumeration of my thoughts and rantings, not meant for public scrutiny. seriously, if reading things on private blogs offends people, then they can have the simple choice of not reading it. duh.

anyway recently someone called me a flirt. oh man, that has got to be the joke of the year. me, a flirt? do i look like mr handsome or mr super-rich or mr sweet tongue? her comments were, to a certain degree, of how i used to be a flirt, who talk sweet words to girls, therefore any girl who likes me should be forewarned. n she told this to a person whom i actually like, who then proceeded to ask me how many other girls have i liked before, which led to me getting furious at both of them of insulting my character. i could've sued for defamation u know? hahaha..

but just to clarify matters, i don't deny the comments, the only reason why i got so angry is that someone would rather defend her friend who said such ugly comments rather than support me, so how am i supposed to believe that she likes me? maybe that i can still believe, but i won't trust her to support me anymore. its just too bad she doesn't think maturely as i would like her to.

anyway i'm typing this from a computer in the law library. u can imagine my boredom n loneliness here to resort to blogging to pass time in between class.

but still, its nice n quiet here n the coms work fine. not like my stupid com at home which keeps disconnecting from the net every few seconds last nite... but anyway this is supposed to be a dedication to someone, so let me cut to the point.

disclaimer once again, i am just writing thoughts, it does not translate to any subsequent action or consequences.

i never thought i could have that much in common with someone so much younger than me. haha, oh well, 5 years age difference is really quite a lot right? but nevertheless, similar backgrounds, schools, music interest, ministry, dress sense, etc, oh man, she would've been my dream girl. haha. but she's still just a kid so too bad. think this is the second time i mention her on my blog, first was about her chingay bravado n fearlessness n ability to withstand high amounts of pain, without a single complaint n that sweet smile still on her face. i was simply amazed. but anyway i hope she finds someone worthy of her, cos she is really a gem, totally cool, totally rocker-chick, totally into sports n ruggedness, totally smart n affluent, totally street-wise n independent, but also totally devoted to God. angelic voice suited to an angelic face, i've never seen someone look so good n yet not brag about it or use looks as a "bargaining chip" in the silly game of love. no wait, let me rephrase that. arthur is the 1st person who looked good n still maintain humility. this RGS girl is the 1st girl i know who looks good n makes no qualms about it. humility, servanthood attitude, willingness to get down to the dirty work. this is the ultimate reason why i am so impressed n impacted by her. no fear, no hesitation, no ridiculous whining or girly objections or regard for her outward appearance, she does things with a boldness n determination. yet, on reading her blog, she exposes her true self as a person with weaknesses n relies heavily on God, a girl with insecurities n secret fears n yet stil appears strong to help other people, living her life like a true Christian. if she were my sister, i'd be so proud of her. hehz...

but anyway back to class.. ciao!

testing... com problem...

My thoughts to whomever reads this.

not gonna write an entry for God today. nope.

have i lost all faith in Him? not really. have i been disappointed by Him before? well, if i say no then tat's a lie, n i'm not supposed to lie.

i'm listening to the song Journey. It's a long, long journey.. sometimes it feels like noone understands, i don't even know why i do the things i do.. Cos its a long, long journey till i find my way home to You.

how apt are the lyrics?

anyway i wasn't done complaining about CNY yet, but had to rush off to a nice lunch with my beloved sister. she used to have supper with me about 2-3 times a week way back in 2004. when i still had a tremendous crush on her, until i realised that she was out of my league. yupz, its true, she's a totally innocent, God-loving, cell leader, musician and cute girl. if there was one person whom i can say impacted me the most, that fellowshipped with me the most when i needed her, who gave me hope that there's still those sweet girl-next-door types in singapore.. she would be the one.

barely had time to talk n have a bite at olio dome, when it was time to meet janice for tuition.

yup, the 3rd day of CNY n i'm busy giving tuition n going for strikeforce. how exciting is that, hahaha.

oh yes, before i forget, i better mention something about her since she so generously praised me about being observant about cats having sex under cars on her blog. Miss L, the ever "chirpy", sarcastic, acid-tongue and yet oh-so-sweet young woman, the one whom i turn to when i want to catch musicals n debate about politics or christian stuff, or heck, even non-christian stuff for that matter now that she upped the stakes on monday nite. you really made my CNY more bearable n enjoyable than it was, so thanks for that.. oh thanks for the recommendation too.

n yes, tues nite. totally enjoyed the movie with my fren. fearless, about jet li going around kicking pple's butt, n then finally deciding that being a true hero means u don't have to actually do the kickig n still win the fight. not enough violence, too much nonsensical crap about some blind girl who eventually managed to "see" him after he died! don't ruin a great epic with unnecessary extras. haha.. n to think right after the show, we exited the cinema n behold, the 2nd time i caught the fireworks display! what perfect timing for the nearly perfect day. oh well, my family gathering was terribly boring n awkward, but the meet-the-parents-n-sister session was kinda fun. and no, jennifer n i did not want stare at each other n want to rip each other's throats. we merely wanted to engage in verbal warfare. like what bush n kerry do.

n to top it all off, i received a series of smses from someone whom i used to like, reminding me that i still have about $200 of unpaid hp bills chalked up by a cg member. try to be kind n i end up being broke. not that i regret it, but i really should consider my own situation before volunteering to help others. after all, let God help His own children. there's plenty of fat cats in the non-christian world whom we can suck money from. its kinda ironic. i was saving up all the money this CNY to give to the building fund, to build God a house in the market place, yadda yadda. n in the end its all going to the phone company.

but still, kinda surprised tat she still bothers to read my blog n all the crap i type into it. yes, i get scolding from pple about stumbling pple who may read my blog, but what the heck, its my blog. if you wanna criticise me, then don't read it. i don't think its an offence to state what i think, what i feel, what i am annoyed about.

its 3.52 am now n i still have no urge to sleep. listening to Only One from yellowcard. they totally rock man! i still dream of forming my own band n holding a rock concert someday. but then some dreams are just meant to be like eye candy.

basically what eunice told me today is kind of true. i need to decide what to do. what action to take, who will be in my life n who won't be in it. pray thru it, get affirmation from God, then stick to whatever decision i make. thing is, i thought i had affirmation from Him to do something that didn't come to pass in 2005. that has left me a broken man on the inside. a broke spirit, who can fix? even the bible questions that.

at least the young ones still inspire me, give me reason to go on fighting. when i see the young ones at strikeforce, so passionate, devoted, the cute innocent girls, the energetic, handsome, strapping guys, i can't help but feel that yeah, God is good. to have known such pple, to have them call me a friend, is indeed already an honour in itself. to have bro boon call me on a weekday out of the blue to chat, is really something.. a leader who really cares. not just to make a leader out of you, or to preach, or to challenge, or whatever, but merely just to chat. thats something i learnt from bro boon. yes its true, Jesus preached n taught wherever He went, but He had time to attend weddings as well, He had time to fellowship with the sinners, sometimes alone with His disciples, with family, etc. I think that sometimes, when He looked at his disciples, the 12 young men who followed Him almost blindly, n the thousands of pple who followed Him into the desert just to hear Him speak, He found the strength to go on doing what He needed to do. Yes He was anionted by God the Father, empowered by the Holy Spirit, but still He probably still felt good to have friends around Him.

i know God loves me, like He loves everyone else. yeah, i can say i love everyone else n even mean it truthfully, but to call someone a friend is something totally different. Jesus says, no longer do I call you servants, but my friends. I pray that one day my friends get to know this Friend, that through Him their lives might be changed.

its quite meaningless to do something just for yourself. think about it. to live for yourself, pure selfishness, achieves nothing, extreme gluttony n sloth n sin, indulging in one's own self-righteous thoughts, totally no meaning. like what king solomon said in proverbs, all the knowledge n power in the world is in vain.

yet, to be able to make someone smile, to bring cheer into a person's life. to make a person feel appreciated. to give someone hope that there is a better future, that things work for the good for those who love Him. to let God know that you not only serve Him for the sake of fulfiling all righteousness, but to let Him know that you are willing to do anything, do whatever it takes to fulfil your destiny in Christ, becos at the end of the day, you love Him as much as He loves you...

oh gosh i cant take it liao, i need to go worship God...