Stolen from Ian's blog: Some serious food for thought in a not-so-serious way!

The following shows how easily the human mind draws its conclusions without knowing the full facts, and also how the church, as it becomes modern n flashy, must never forget the reason behind its existence..

By the way, Ian took this from KC's blog, just so to give due credit!

*****


Dear Apostle MegaSleek

Greetings in the name of the Lord!

I write to share with you good reports about how our church has been transformed!We are so impacted by your message on "Pimp Your Church" with the latest revelation on 7 steps to church growth. In fact after applying the principles, we are able to position the church in the most relevant way to the unchurched.

We have purchased the most advanced sound system and video equipment.
We have hired the best looking and skillful musicians to be on the worship team.
We are releasing the most cutting edge music albums every year.
We have planned the best church conferences with the hottest line up of speakers.
We are launching the most sophisticated projects that is unheard of in this century, even the media is hot on our movement.

Of course with the latest implementation comes much resistance from the older members, especially those with us from the beginning, just as you have warned us. However like you say, change is necessary and not to change is destructive. We have to let them go and maybe that is for the better as we keep the unity of the vision.

One of the oldest member happened to give us the most problems.

Firstly, he insisted that we are ignoring him and not paying him much attention. I had to remind him that church is not all about him. He complained that church worship has become a show and is no longer ministering to him. Once again, i tell him not to be so self-centered but to be more vision-minded. He then questioned why we have removed the cross from the pulpit and message, I told him that his likings are too traditional and old school. He feedback that all the conferences and projects are not helping people at all and the church need him. How ridiculous and arrogant can that be just because he was an old-timer! I had to tell him off and reminded him again that church can't be all about him and certainly no one is indispensable! I guess he didn't take that well and with much sadness he finally left.

However, apart from that, all is going smoothly and more people are joining us and things are looking great! We look forward to you coming to share more revelation with us.

Oh, before I forget, the old-timer guy who left may be going to other churches and if you happen to see him, just take note of what i have said. By the way, his name is Jesus.. if I didn't remember wrongly...

May you be greatly blessed!

Reverend Wannabe

Dazed in the day again

damn sian.. last night supposed to go out play LAN games or catch a movie, but in the end all back out, n i worked until 8 pm so either way i simply wouldn't be able to go out.. but on the bright side, i managed to meet u with Joan for a nice dinner, I ate the usual chicken chop, and she ate some ban mian thingy. After that, had a donut before Joan sent me to the 163 bus stop n i took bus home.. still managed to play a game of Dark Crusade ("Go Space Marines! For the Emperor!!") of 3v3 before heading off for bed.

what a dull life! simply no more time to go out after work, or even if i have time, my energy is drained n i'm quite tired n listless after work.. prob due to mental stress than physical tiredness. i mean, how tired can i get from sitting in a chair typing all day? the only exercise i get is walking to the printer, walking to the toilet, or walking to the water dispenser to refill my cup, n once in a while walking to my boss or colleague's room. the mental stress however, is another matter altogether. i feel quite overwhelmed sometimes, like i'm so clueless n inexperienced. guess its like that when u first start working..

anyway Joan n i have been having weird dreams lately. i dreamt of losing my temper n doing some terrible things to Joan, she dreamt of betraying me n falling for some other unknown guy.. i don't get it, we seem totally fine n in love, i don't think there's any issue or problem between us, so why the weird dreams recently? i don't know, n i don't like it. its like some unseen force trying to draw us apart even though we're really closer than before. honestly, i've never felt happier with any other person in my life.

JWIM outing (no its not misspelling of gym!)

Had a nice time with Joan Millie and Ian last night! Went Sweelee to buy sticks, then went to Miss Clarity Cafe for candlelight dinner, then went to Raffles City Shopping Centre to buy my socks and underwear, then went home at about 9.30 pm. Dunno if Ian and Millie went to Mac to chill or not but honestly I was too tired to stay out much later.

Sorry guys! Next time I promise we stay out later lah. Cos running low on cash, can't take cab to send Joan home liao. End of the month pay haven't come yet, so gotta stinge a bit. =P

I think I love these guys, they're super fun to hang out with. Sure, we cross swords once in awhile but then again, if a relationship can't survive a few bangs here n there, then it isn't really a close friendship right? Hahaha.. I think only God knows how many times i cross swords with Edwin, Millie n even Luke liao, but after a day or two, everything's back to normal. hehz.

I think it'll be really cool if the 4 of us went on holiday together, maybe go diving at tioman island, or chill out at the beaches at langkawi. Haha.. but perhaps not so soon, overseas trips r expensive. =P

So planning for my brother's 21st birthday party this coming saturday. a lot of things to do, coordinate with his friends, his girlfriend, my cousins n relatives.. without joan's help i think i'll be super overworked. hehz.

Drumfest 2008 coming on sept 13 n 14. oh man, i wanted to ask for leave from boss on 15 sept, cos i KNOW i'll be super extra EXHUASTED after the drumfest weekend, n probably need a day to recover or else i'll end up taking MC n annoying my boss again. i dunno if i'll be assigned to be driver / security / hospitality person again this year, but i'll help out as much as i can, i guess. i already slacked enough last sat, was supposed to help out at the band challenge but dunno why i was down with severe headache in the morning, n my body was super lethargic.. i didn't even do anything last friday besides go for dinner with my JC friends n chill out till around 11 plus in town.. but we did laugh a hell lot n eat a lot ice cream n fries at macs though, perhaps that was what made me sick! McDiahorrea! hahaha..

God give me the courage to ask boss for leave! asking her for one day leave is like asking her to give u a scolding for free. =P but still i think leave is better than MC bah. =P

ok from now until the end of the year, i must go jogging twice a week, on tues n thurs! i can't stand it liao, getting fat! can't fit into my size 31 pants anymore! oh man!!

class gathering, SF gathering (Hazel's birthday actually) and dark clouds gathering

Whats with the weather these days, its absolutely freezing in singapore. Such shoik weather means time to get more sleep, harder to wake up in the mornings as well. haha..

first up, thanks to Wilson for organising the class gathering with our class tutor Siau laoshi! I think it has been what, months since i last saw the class girls (though i did meet sujin to ask her to help me with some chinese contract and i think wilson n i met qinning last year during teachers day or something) n it was quite fun catching up on the latest news, who's getting married, who's working as what, etc.

Oh yeah, congrats to Sujin who's getting married in December! i'm sure we'll make your wedding an event to remember! hehz.. oh n i think cuixia's getting married as well, but we've no idea who's the guy.. at least we've seen sujin's boyfriend on her blog pics before. =P sigh Sujin, the only girl i ever chased who didn't bite the bait. hahaha.. out of the 10 guys, 4 guys chased her before, 1 got together with her for a week. alright, if u wanna know the full story, i'm not gonna tell u! hahaha.. =P

it was damn funny laughing about the good old days in anderson junior college n how freaking childish we were! especially the guys. actually, only the guys. hahaha!!

long triangles, love hexagons, shanghai beach machine guns, karaokes in lecture halls, coughing our lungs out, skipping school, coming in late and climbing the fence, vandalising the sch, torturing the poor econs teacher Daniel Wong, class chalet at loyang, BBQ at kevin's place, the tons of racist jokes n fat jokes n act cool jokes (directed on u-kno-who), the weird Simon who runs all the time, the chicken n rice stall, running to the LAN shop at suntec, everything, all the memories came back at the dinner!

i can't write everything down cos it'll take days, but i laughed till i cried, n then laughed somemore. we were such idiots then! hahaha!

i treated them dinner. what could i do? they all expected the lawyer earning the most to treat, so i obliged, though i hope to recover my losses at the next class outing! hahaha.. ok lah ting tai feng, some chinese restaurant, not too ex lah.

seriously before God n church, my life was mostly hanging out n chilling with friends, at LAN shops, catching movies, going bowling, BBQs, KTVs, etc. actually after coming to church, i sort of neglected my friends a bit, cos church well, there's cell groups, prayer meetings n bible study classes, n ministry, n whole lot of other church activities.

but i do miss those days of just having fun, sometimes at the expense of others, laughing n joking our way through life, scoring the As, pleasing the teachers, breezing thru life.

working life is.. honestly, its BORING. its STRESSFUL. its AWFUL. its all those things u expect from a real job, n worse. i'm not even gonna compare my part time tuition, or telemarketing, or cafe jobs. i mean, those were for fun if i screwed up n i don't like the job, i just up n quit.

this ain't so simple in the REAL world. u wanna up n quit, pple r gonna spread bad things about u, n the legal industry in singapore is so small, pple won't want to hire u in the future. its really that small. n gossip n slander run amok all over, all the time.

anyway, on a side note, and even though she can't read yet, here's wishing HAZEL a HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY!! awesomely cute baby!

oh n boss is at home today, looking after her sick kid. so quite a relaxing day for me, i'm leaving at 6 pm sharp, can't be bothered to look hardworking anymore. wasted my time working on sunday when i could've just as easily done my work this morning! thought she wanted to see my work this morning, but in the end never even come to office..

The worst scolding I ever got, but also an enjoyable makeup cg n jogging on tues.

Got blasted really bad by boss on Wed afternoon cos the annoying clients, instead of calling me to ask questions, went to shoot email to my boss to complain. really nothing to say about it liao, cos wat can i do right? corp sec work is not my problem anyway.

on the other hand, i enjoyed jogging with clarence, millie n yeewen on tues night. we jogged from millie's house along the mrt track, turn right along the edge of yishun, passed some army camps n the yishun nasi lemak place, then ended up back at millie's place again. i think we jogged about 3-4 km, in a square shape around yishun. haha!

then last night had cg at helen's house with the guy ban chuan as the CGL, not sure if pronounced his name correctly. he reminds me a lot of my cousin bernard for some reason. LOL! i think i enjoy millie's cg better than my own cg. i know most of the pple there, n they're more, erm how should i say, innocent n sincere n friendly? i dunno, but the CGL came over n spoke to me after cg n we had a nice chat, which was good. hehz. somehow everyone knew joan n i were together even if we didn't announce it or anything! hahaha..

but then again, that leads me to question myself.. i click with youths better than adults? does it mean i'm more childish n immature mentality? or do i have a biased n prejudiced view of adult cell groups? i really don't know. i've been to other adult cgs before, n i felt totally welcome there. i think it was at serangoon area, i went with mark n yorkbing for some makeup cg, though we were the only 3 young pple there, the cg made us feel very welcome. do i really click better with youths in general?

at my work place, i click instantaneously with puikwan n hongyee, the malaysian lawyers who are about my age, n the other legal associate who's about 40 i think? so i don't think i have problem communicating with pple of my age or older, so why can't i feel at home in my own cell group? why is it i feel this distance, not just between me n them, but between the other members as well? am i imagining this, or being overly judgemental or sensitive? am i having some sort of bad attitude toward my own cell group? i don't hang out with them or communicate with them at all thru out the week, not that i don't want to but i prioritise them below work, below joan, below meeting my other friends from ex-cg, below meeting friends from outside church, below SF members.. probably right at the bottom rung of the ladder. haha! -_-

no offence to them, i'm sure they are all fun n spiritual pple in their own right, but there's just something i can't describe or identify, that sets me apart from them. Joan can sense this for me too even though she seems to be able to mix with some of the cg pple quite well. i mean i get the feeling i'm in a bunch of strangers drawn together for a common purpose of worshipping God n thats it. no sense of comradeship, or brotherly or sisterly love, no sense of openess or trust. of cos i could say its all not coming from me either, so i'm partly to blame for the problem of disassociation, or being superficially social.

Exposure and confession

For the past week, I've had several conversations with 2-3 friends about some stuff which I thought I knew pretty much enough to handle matters myself only to realise that sometimes the human heart boogles the human mind. Actually human emotions often conflict with the human mind, we've been fed with so much info on what is the right thing to do, what we should do, but often we don't feel like doing it. Or rather we know what we should not do, but the temptation, the feeling of doing it or just thinking about it is enough to make us shut down our minds and listen to our hearts - sometimes with unpleasant or even disastrous consequences.

I know who reads my blog often, of cos my beloved Joan, a few of my church and strikeforce friends, my overseas friends (dunno why all my good friends always end up going overseas to work/get married/study, is Singapore really such a lousy place to do all those things) and thats about it. My non-church friends don't get to read whatever I ramble on here, which is a good thing cos sometimes I write stuff that would make cell group leaders cringe and yell blasphemy, but at the end of the day I still maintain my stand that this is my blog and whoever reads it has to deal with the content it has in whatever way he/she takes it.

Btw, I was just reading a really old post on Lithiumised blog on how annoying it is when someone comes to rant and scold you about certain things you put on a blog, when its supposed to be part of your private life. But seriously, I share her sentiments on the issue. Its like the internet when it first came out, everybody wanted to control the content of it, filter out violence and porn, filter out political dissidents, filter out dangerous religious or racist articles, filter out advertisements for cigarettes and alcohol, and a whole lot of other censorship crap. But honestly, what the internet is filled with depicts the moral standards of society as a whole. It shows the ugly side of humanity in its fullness, the vices, the "worldliness", the whole shebang of bad stuff.

But the internet also shows the good side of things. The music videos that we can appreciate, the beauty of nature and space, the charities that help the poor and needy, the causes for the protection of minority races, etc. There's too much good things in the internet to mention, but probably an equally innumerable amount of bad things. So what the heck is the point I'm trying to make, dear reader?

A blog is a reflection of the person's current state of mind, his emotional wellbeing, his current situation in his life. It doesn't mean that if a person curses and swears on his blog means he's an uncivilised barbarian in disguise. If a person complains about things or other people in his life, it doesn't mean he isn't able to deal with it, or isn't trying his best to.

Yeah true, there is power in the words that come out of our mouth, or something that is written in the Bible to this effect. But how about the words that come out of our fingers, cos technically we're not speaking these words onto the blog, but rather typing them out? Haha! If i were in a court of law and asked to prove this point, I'd go into it and claim that if God was against blogging, He'd have put it down in His Word. Show me a passage that states you can't bare your soul to another person. Rather, thru out the Bible, the Word speaks of having faith toward God. Now how do you know if a person has faith to get saved? By beliving in his heart and speaking the words out in confession, that Jesus is Lord right? So if he has any doubts in his heart, does it mean he has no faith? Can doubt and faith co-exist? I believe pastor Phil has addressed this issue before. But let me bring it to another level. If faith and doubt can co-exist, can a person have good thoughts and bad thoughts as well? Obviously, no doubt about it (pun intended).

So when a person writes on his blog, he can only write the good stuff? keep the bad stuff suppressed n let it build up? wait a min aren't we supposed to be honest with ourselves? come on , life isn't a bed of roses, just becos I smile a lot and treat everyone nice doesn't mean I'm a saint all the time. and the times when I let lose, I get condemned and pple say I'm immatured, I'm stumbling younger Christians, yadda yadda yadda. Let me put it this way:

1. If I'm immatured, then tell me what I should do in your subjective view of maturity.

Paul says if he has to boast of what he did, he can but he chooses not to, and considers all that rubbish for the sake of the Kingdom. I'm not so noble or highly qualified as Paul, but I indemnify myself by saying I write this not to put anyone down but rather to question the right of those whose comments seek to put me down.

Want me to list my accomplishments throughout my life? It may not be as many as the A*star scholars, and I'm no Micheal Phelps, but I've done some stuff. Second in Command in the NPCC in sec sch, enabling the unit to win GOLD award for the first time in the history of the eca. Prefect and class monitor for about 8 or 9 years of my life. Trashed every speaker in the debate team. Air Rifle club in JC, taking part in competition and getting 3rd in my first time shooting, then getting bored and quit the club to be more active in ministry. I don't even want to mention about ministry, cos pple will then turn around and question my motives for joining those ministries if I were to mention anything exciting about it or how proud I am to be able to serve in it. About my job, oh, did I mention I handle deals worth millions, or meet with ultra wealthy clients who are in some cases "untouchable" by the law? Granted, these opportunities and positions were given by God, and I wish to give Him full credit for it, but I know that my own character and personal decisions had a role to play too, however small it may be.

While I know that without the grace of God I could never have done all these, sometimes I just wanna tell the person "correcting" me, who do you think you're talking to? A juvenile delinquent who's high on drugs and low in intelligence? Give me a break man.

But I respect your opinion, I take it, I digest it and hope somehow or other it really is applicable to me. Do I hate you for it? Of cos not. Rebuke is never painless and always unpleasant, and sure I know its for my own good most of the time. But let me just turn things around and ask, have you put yourself in my shoes before telling me what to do? Do you know the entire truth surrounding my circumstances?

I may be able to put my blind faith in God but I certainly don't put blind faith in what people say. Too many seemingly gullible pple do that just to achieve their own objectives, while those who reason and ponder over and occasionally challenge the advice given by others are seen as "trouble makers" and dissenters, who ought to be deported or made bankrupt or locked away from the innocent sheep. (tip of my hat to Ian and Sebestian here. haha!)

actually i think i've written enough on that, cos i'm here to blog something entirely different and just sort of got carried away. haha. my bad.

How do you know when you're in love? When you just want to be with the person all the time? When you will give up anything for that person? When you wish that person to be happy even at the expense of your own happiness?

I'd like to think my own understanding of love transcends these typical BGR questions.

Pastor once preached, once a guy is married, he can no longer have any good friends who are girls. The best pals can only be guys, girls can stay as friends, but never best friends anymore. The girlfriend or the wife takes the place of best friend, lover, soul mate, etc. And I have to admit, it is the right train of thought to yield the desired results.

I know even though I am attached to a wonderful, caring, extremely cute and lovable girl, I sometimes get the thought of "what if". Not that I'm straying from her or loving her less, but issues of compatibility and personality does get me ruffled every once in a while. Here's what my friends have to say about it (summarized for your benefit):

If you think you're more compatible with another person then you're just looking at the superficial things. Character is more valuable than personality. You may have the chemistry in another activity with another girl, but is she able to bring your characer to another level? You may enjoy the company of another girl, but what is it about her that you are attracted to? Her outward beauty, her personality, her intelligence, or taste in music? You're putting your life and your girlfriend's life on the line by every moment of wandering, as harmless or innocent as it may seem. A weed is planted, it takes root, if unchecked it springs up and damages the garden. The garden you've taken great pains to prune and beautify, the blood and sweat and tears you've sown into it, the beautiful creation that the world stops to admire and appreciate. Is it all worth it? Are the "what ifs" worth it?

Really reminds me of pst phil's But God sermon. But God would not allow me to wander too far, or to let my thoughts or emotions dictate my actions. But God would always send me the Holy Spirit, no matter how rebellious I was, to keep me in check, to reel me into His presence, into His love.

But God reminds me of this fact which I know and nothing can change my mind or my heart:
I love Joan.

To quote from Julia's email (thanks for providing the inspiration), Joan, my heart remains with you. No matter how many times we argue, at the end of the day, I know you are envisioning our life together in our new flat, the furniture we're going to enjoy cuddling up on, the moments we're going to spend on our honeymoon, the places we're going to explore and take lots of photographs of, the children who will call you Mum and call me Dad, the school we're going to set up together, the vision of God we're meant to fulfil, the cultural mandate of music and law and education, the amazing world of opportunities just waiting to be birthed forth by God.

To throw this away for a "what if" that will never amount to anything? No way.

She tells me that she scares herself thinking about how much she loves me. I tell her it scares me that she trusts me enough to leave her heart, her life in my hands.

And through it all, God has always been in the centre of the relationship. Maybe we don't pray as much as other couples, we aren't as spiritual as other cell leader couples. That's ok, we can always work on that in the many, many years to come. Serving Him together in Strikeforce, in the cell group, at church.

Now that I really start to think about it, i realise God has indeed blessed us greatly. Thanks to Him, we have a future to look forward to, while many others have a bleak dismal image of the future. It is our duty to reach out to the lost even as a couple, to share the love of God with our friends and relatives. Well I don't think hard selling the gospel to strangers is going to work very well, so we're not going to go into that. Hahaha!

If anyone is wondering if there is a point to this post, there are several but the ultimate point is that I love Joan and if ever there comes a day of temptation, my love for God and my love for Joan will pull me through to make the right decision. How do I know it for certain? I don't. But I have faith.

(Blind faith, even in the wrong things, can be scarily powerful. Look at how the blind faith of the cursed townsfolk in Silent Hill kept them safe from the demons of hell despite having such blind faith in the wrong hands. Terrorist and extremist have the utmost faith in their false gods to be able to throw away their lives like that. In order to be able to be a soldier of Christ, we are to have faith that overcomes the world, not to mention faith that stands firmer than the evil resolve of the terrorists. Like the chinese who teach their missionaries how to be matyrs.

One thing that mr KFC aka Dr Peter Wagner omitted in his preaching on sunday is this - in a war, even if one side is victorious, it will suffer casualties. True, he did mention that the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and that the gates of hell shall be taken by force and violence. But with every war, not only does the soldiers have to endure suffering, many of the soldiers will inevitable face death.

I wonder if the day ever comes when I have to choose between declaring my faith, or having my head sawn off at the neck like those poor hostages in the jungles, what would I do? Lie to save my life, or give it up to proclaim the name of Jesus? How many of you can honestly say you will do the later in all truth and honesty?)

Drum challenge finals, Joan's grandma's birthday, and my first morning prayer meeting!

First of all..

CONGRATS TO ER CHOW KIAT FOR WINNING THE DRUM CHALLENGE ASIA!!!

Man, I knew he was talented, but didn't know he was that amazingly good! His precision skills and stick tricks probably bought the judges over. Noticed that the other contestants double pedal went out of time after about 1-2 bars, whereas Chow Kiat, while he didn't really do much double pedal stuff, was in time and consistent for most of his parts, so that was pretty slick!

Bet Boon must be really proud of him, this drum prodigy who is actually a regular member of Strikeforce! Let's hear it for CK! Awesome performance, groovy chops, crazy skills and nice stick tricks! The other guy who tried to do the stick tricks didn't execute the tricks with the speed and precision as Chaokiat, so he got 2nd for his showmanship, though I think CK winning was quite obvious as he is the only drummer combining drumming skills with showmanship!

Second, happy birthday to Joan's ah ma! 84 years old and still in the pink of health, that's one hardy and happy old woman!

Thirdly, thank You God for a very refreshing morning prayer meeting! I've never woken up this early just to pray before (goodness, the last time i woke up at 6 am was during army days, n i even woke up at 6.15 am only!) and I guess it really pays off. I didn't grab the breakfast though, no time to eat n stomach feels queasy too. Dunno why my stomach is so weak in the morning. But anyway just want to thank God for an enjoyable pm, could really feel His presence and I was praying so fluently, words and thoughts and verses just poured out of my mouth, and honestly I was amazed at the Holy Spirit being able to use a weak and tired body to really pray today! Well I paid the price for waking up slightly late (if I take the MRT i would've to wake up at 5.15 am, whereas I took cab and woke up at 6.15 am! an hour of precious sleep!! hahaaha) but it was ok, around $11 for the cabfare.

Thinking of where to go for lunch later..

planning a weekend trip for my birthday!

with all my friends going on short trips to bali, or bangkok, or whatever, i was subtley influenced to go on a short vacation too, n i decided to go around my birthday weekend! of cos not to some fanciful expensive place lah, i can't really afford expensive holidays after splurging on the recent hongkong shopping trip, so thinking of going to bintan chalet, or maybe tioman island for some snorkelling! i really liked tioman, the last time i was there in sec 3 or 4 with my RINPCC friends it was super fun, i think about 20 of us went, along with our teacher and edward's aunt. 2 adults to 18 kids, i think it must have been difficult for them to take care of so many of us! but well, being in sec 3 or 4, i don't think we were that difficult to handle! haha!

i know october is like, what, almost 2 months away but i like to plan my holidays early to get the best deals and spend time getting to know the place a little better n estimate how much i should bring to spend. i hope they have jet ski there too! hahaha.. i love the speed, the wind in my face, n doing those high speed turns! last time i jet ski had an accident, so hope to rid myself of that bad experience! hahaha..

anyway was quite touched n surprised that someone so far away still bothers to sms me n reads my blog as entertainment! haha.. apparently she's getting a beer belly but its alright now, since she's already attached n no longer need to maintain the fishing hooks, or looks! hahaha..

its now 3 pm in the afternoon, what my colleague calls the "sleepy time"! n it really is, from 3-4 pm i usually end up stoned n unproductive in work, turning to blogging or facebooking or youtubing to keep me awake, otherwise i'll really fall asleep in front of the com! =P

after work gonna rent another space marine book, n hopefully plan a bit of lan games if my friends are free.. i can't stand my super slow computer at home with lousy graphics.. i think its time to overhaul my com or get a brand new one, at least when dawn of war 2 comes out i can play it with detailed graphics!

Singing and cycling on national day!

Perhaps its true what they say, that a picture speaks a thousand words. that a good picture will be able to not only capture the location and the activity, but the feelings n experience of it all. but then again, sometimes only words can truely express what goes on in a person's thoughts n feelings, pictures n videos cannot do what human memory can. So no matter how many photo albums u upload on facebook or friendster, nothing beats a good narration of events. hehz.

Anyway enough rambling, just wanted to blog about the amazing weekend i just had, eventhough the photos are already up on facebook, the SF ktv, the ktv with Maurice n Qianyun, the night cycling with millie Ian n Lax, among various other misc pics. I realise pple will either blog or upload photo albums, but very seldom do pple do both. Haha. i guess its just too troublesome.

Friday night cg was at a very weird place where we played some very childish games (haha) n sat on chairs for cg. quite a short message n Joan n i rushed down to chomp chomp for a quick dinner of chicken wings n hokkein mee before going for KTV at this broken down looking place called K-Garden or something. so out of the way, n the sound system isn't very good. but oh well, at least it was only about $13 per person, not too ex but only 1 drink each. we sang until about 2 am, then went for supper at the indian stall. i think i've found my favourite duet partner in Millie, n somehow we sound quite good in the songs we sing together! Now, my gf shouldn't get jealous cos after all its just singing songs right? Haha.. Not as if I will actually like millie in that way.. hehz. Oh wait, i did a few years back, but thats history now. Haha! but anyway i sang a couple of duets with millie n ian, a few songs with desmond n i think haosan, n a few of my all time favourites, one night in beijing, etc. overall not bad lah, i think i sang at least a dozen songs? and in a room of about 13-15 pple, i think thats quite alright lah! haha.. well, we only reached at about 11 n sang for 3 hours max, so it felt a bit short but totally enjoyable. Boon can sing quite well too, although mostly old school chinese songs! hahaha..

On the morning of 9 August i was a bit pissed off cos supposed to go jogging n both joan n mikki didn't turn up, joan was sick n mikki was sleeping away, i should've called before i left the house instead of when i was on the bus there! so went home n slept till 12 noon. later joan came over n i showed her some Mambo moves before going for 2nd KTV session with Maurice n Qianyun, all the way from 3-7 pm, then went to squeeze with the crowd at marine square to see fireworks (which wasn't all that impressive this year, despite the new sparkling ones n the "S" shaped fireworks) n dinner with KFC. to my surprise the new varitey meal is actually quite worth it, filling n tasty, so i think i'll eat at kfc for a few more times while this offer is ongoing. haha! Joan is simply amazing, she can walk into the most crowded place n just find an empty seat. her expectancy at finding seats, or hailing taxis, or finding ATMs or whatever, never ceases to amaze me, God must really be blessing whatever she does no matter how small action it may be like finding a seat!

Oh time for lunch , cycling details later.

***

ok back from lunch. stupid client call me at 1 pm during lunch hour, of cos i'm not in office lah. anyway, the night cycling at east coast after sending joan home.

only millie Ian Lax and I went. melissa supposed to join us as well, but she last min didn't want to cycle cos of some problem with her contact lenses or something, n she suggested bowling. i'm like, no way am i taking bus all the way to east coast to do bowling! thats so boring n i can bowl any time lah, throwing money into longkang, waste money leh. not to mention my average of 140 points will put everyone to shame. hahaha! =P but anyway, our cycling route was from east coast to an unknown dark road, then back out to east coast cos the dark road led to a dead end (and Ian stubbornly refused to turn back until he went through a hole in the fence n came to a "deader" end of grassland! hahaha) then from there to the kallang bridge at the SIS, then across nicole highway, thru suntec, to the 7-11 at marina square for a drink, to the singapore flyer, then back to the chalet again. actually was hoping to meet some of bk's cycling gang, they used to gather at the 7-11 at marina square every friday night around 12 midnight, then they'd cycle to mount faber or some other slopes n do some stunts. but anyway we took a lot of pictures, some turned out really black, but a few were quite nice! hahaha.. the funny part i remember was when we thought we saw ghosts in the dark road n millie screamed! actually it was a couple of guys probably golfers, who were doing God-knows-what in the middle of the night in such a dark place. pretty scary, imagine total darkness n then u see a few shadows moving towards you! hahaha.. it was really so dark, the only source of light was from Ian's bicycle lighting up the path in front. quite exciting. the rest of the trip was quite normal, taking photos on the kallang bridge n exploring the singapore flyer toilet. hahaha. the toilet is actually air conditioned! amazingly cold in the toilet compared to the night air. oh yeah, n on the way back we did the NDP bicycle formation! cycle in one stright line, then 3,2,1 disperse! like how the air craft displays do it at the NDP! it was damn lame n funny lah! hahaha..! formation 2! cycle in a sqaure! cycle in a triangle! whatever!! hahaha..

by the time we reach back to millie's friend's chalet, it was about 4 am. we sat around n talked for awhile, then took cab home, me with millie, melissa n another guy who works at prego. can't recall his name, but he kept talking about his prego job in the cab when i wanted to sleep. -_- anyway it was quite fun n exercising my muscles made them ache until monday, but it still felt shoik to be exercising again! i don't get much exercise sitting in an office all thru the week, n exercise actually rejuvenates the body n energises it. at least before i fell sick with flu on sunday afternoon! kept sneezing n sniffling at church n missed MTT cos of my runny nose n i couldn't stand it, very irritaing not being able to breathe properly. wanted to take MC on monday, but then again my boss is very "ngeow" n particular about pple taking MCs, so decided to just go to work n sneeze my way through the day.

i really enjoyed the weekend, it felt great doing the stuff i love to do, n spending time with my girlfriend n other good friends, it felt as if i didn't have a care in the world, to enjoy myself to the max even if its just for a short period of time n the consequence of over-exhausting my body came in the form of flu n headaceh on monday! but still it was worth it. thanks, God, for an enjoyable weekend, with Your people, people i can trust n seek counsel from, whom i know will not lead me away from You, but will draw me closer to You, even as we do "non-christian" normal activites! =p

Jamming session and hanging out with the SF pple

Yeah today boss is not in (secretary says she will come in at 7 pm, but then again whats the point of coming to work so late unless there's some super important things to settle) so we're all pretty slack in the morning. puikwan is surfing net for holiday resoirts in bali, i'm updating facebook and doing a bit of work, only the new guy seems on the ball n doing research or something. haha!

Spent last night helping millie to set up her drum kit together with Ian n my brother. Yiwen also came a little later on to join us for supper. It wasn't really fruitful, cos the snare stand was missing, n with the super thick drum pads, its either super soft or super loud when we remove the pads. we were just chilling, playing a few songs here n there while millie was showing her photos of when she was young, photos of her n jeremy, photos of her cell group members, etc. actually Ian said Sharlyn absolutely hates Jeremy, not just becos what he did to Millie, but she really dislikes him for some other stuff that happened, n even boon doesn't like Jeremy. hahaha, all Jeremys cannot make it man. even that guy who was chasing Amanda, then in the end when they were discussing with CGLs, he said he felt he wasn't ready for relationship n backed out. I mean come on lah, you should've thought about it before you started chasing her? how typical of guys to act first and think later. hahaha.

anyway had a great time just talking n chilling out with the SF guys at macdonalds, my bro helped me bring the guiatrs home, cos he needed to work on some editing for some wedding so didn't join us for supper. but anyway we were talking about SF pple, nic n shona, sharlyn n ivan, lingling n ian, hahaha.. it was really very funny. ian was also telling me some stuff about his BGRs n complaining that girls are all materialistic. hahaha! guys go for looks, girls go for the money. isn't being superficial the same as materialistic? so guys n girls are equally appalling? hahaha.. anyway we left the place around 11.15 to go home n ian n millie was talking about having a chalet together to celebrate their birthdays! soooo sweet right? haha! yiwen n i were like suaning them for that. if Ian n millie do end up together (through some sort of miracle) i really do think they make a good looking n friendly n hyper active n loud couple! haha..

but honestly, i don't find such good friends in cell group anymore. at least in my previous cg, N280, i could hang out with the girls who liked ktv n singing, or hang with the guys who're into computer gaming, paintball, n other guy stuff. in this new cg, W something, i don't even know what the pple are into. nobody makes any effort to meet up with us during weekdays, not even a sms or call from them, until cg or service. same problem that Ian has with his cg too. they have their own cliques n joan n i just don't fit in. n they wonder why soohuei n qingni n grace don't feel like part of the cell. they wanna be cell leaders and everything, but to me spiritual things n biblical knowledge go hand in hand with natural relationship. n seriously if u can't establish relationship with pple, how do u lead them?

which leads me to another conclusion which i've suspected all along but gave the benefit of doubt to those pple until recently, just becos you go to SOT doesn't mean you become more spiritual or anything changes in your life. sure there are those that go on to start churches n become leaders in church, but there are those who eventually backslide, or worse, totally no change in their character or lifestyle. all these pple become is more puffed up with knowledge n have this "i went thru SOT u know" kind of smugness. yeah, so i really wonder, these SOT students, how many friends have they personally brought to church in the past few years? how many lives have they impacted on a deep level (other than other SOT students)? how many friends do they have outside of church? how is their work and status in the marketplace? how is their relationship with their family members?

of cos there are those who make everyone else look bad, those mr perfect kind, cell leader, sucessful businessman with happy family, etc. the kind that everyone looks up to. but how many more just go through SOT like another few months in school? oh and the 2 year SOT course has been shortened to an embarrassingly short 4 months. just see the quality of the older batches of SOT graduates compared with the last 2 years, and the difference is painfully unmistakably obvious.

and why am i so upset over all this? heck pple will say i have no right to say anything becos i've not even gone through SOT, or i'm not spiritual enough to make sensible judgement. truth is, i WANTED to go to SOT a few years ago, i was planning to finish my NUS studies, then go to 1 year of SOT, then enter the workplace fully equipped with the Word of God to apply in the marketplace. i wanted to be a CGL who cared for his members, who isn't so concerned about growth as the lives of his members. many CGLs keep asking for new friends every week when their members don't even feel like part of the cell group, then whats the use? when i was a normal member, i prayed one hour everyday on average a few years ago, i read the Bible twice through in a year, n i brought like 10 friends to church each year. when i wanted to be a CGL, things changed, i got more busy, less time for God, more time spent on admin n collecting forecasts, more discipleship classes, more church meetings to attend, etc.

i think i'd rather be a normal member with time to pray n worship God, with good friends in and outside of church, who is able to do well in my job without compromising on my values, to excel in my ministry being led by a leader with big dreams and visions so amazing i'm blown away by his leadership, n to have good relationship with my family n my beloved Joan.

am i settling for less? am i becoming mediocre? am i becoming lazy and doing less things for God? perhaps not. if i live my life for God every single day, isn't that enough for Him? God delights in the prosperity of His servants. Seek first the kingdom of God and all will be given unto you. you know what? i don't feel that i'm living a mediocre life anymore. i used to think that being a CGL is the ultimate calling for all christians, that if i don't become a CGL at least once in my christian life then i've failed my duty as a christian. how wrong was I! hahaha..

What a happening weekend!

Totally exhausted after a week of activities.. From work to ministry to FOP and company dinners, I think last week was pretty good.

Managed to finish one major piece of work, well not really finished, I still need to go through it again today to do spellchecks and the proof reading, but mostly done up. So actually a lot of my work has been cleared and this week should be a slower pace of work, which will do nicely since I'm quite tired. I dunno whats wrong with my sleeping habits cos I always wake up automatically about 7 am everyday, even during the weekends. Almost as if an internal body clock is forcing me to wake up for work even if I don't have to go office!

but anyway friday night's company dinner with the interns, wincen n the new guy wasn't too bad, the food was good, but i think joan felt a little left out n honestly i thought it was pretty weird n awkward, i felt that the pple didn't really wanna talk to each other or something, which is quite different from when puikwan n i talk to them individually. i guess some pple are shy in front of a group of pple or something. but anyway had a big quarrel with joan that day cos i was feeling unwell and she was unwell too (which i found out only the next day cos she didn't even tell me) and she was demanding that i spend more time with her even though i was dead tired after work n the company dinner, so i wanted to send her back in a cab but she refused. anyway to cut a long story short, we had an arguement that led to some uncalled for comments, which really made both of us upset, but eventually we talked it out n everything seemed back to normal on saturday morning at least. yup, so for those who're wondering why the sudden changes to my facebook status, now you know. yes, i can get pretty emotional n do irrational things when i'm worked up, i'm human to n i'm prone to do stupid things, even as a Christian.

speaking of which, sat FOP was quite good, managed to meet sebastian at plaza sing bus stop after our movie (the dragon emporer, which was quite a silly movie with lousy special effects, bad acting, bad storyline, and even worse lines from the ang mohs trying to speak chinese, i actually LOLed in the cinema) n we took a cab to SIS from plaza sing. Its ridiculous, the journey was like, 10 min or less, and the cab fare was $12. I mean, i could go from my house to town last time n it was even cheaper. i travel from yck to expo n its $12! the ERP n extra cab charges are getting too pricey man. but anyway i digress, the FOP event this year had less pple, no queue at all when we reached SIS, n somehow meet sansan alicia ziqian n company, apparently we all reached at the same time (roughly 7 pm, although hanning did tell me they were meeting at 6 pm but she herself was late! haha!). honestly i saw little point in fop cos honestly how many pple from other churches were there? when pst derrick came out, everybody cheered, n every comment the other pastors said, there were some cheers here n there. who else can be so overly enthu n excited? anyway joan thought the parachute was too punk, but i thought they were so-so only, not exactly creating a diff kind of sound like delirious? did, merely copying from other christian n secular bands. the vocalist wasn't fantastic either n he looked like a maori (they're from new zealand btw), can't reall reach high notes. i think even CCC's youth band with daniel n joseph pringle was better, honestly. the hillsongs team was much better, but their bass guitar was way too loud, the speakers were bursting. bad sound makes for a bad experience, but thankfully most of the songs the bass player tried to tone down the playing. mark conner's preaching was quite interesting n funny too. after FOP we went to my house for supper, bak chor mee, n watched Punisher, which was quite draggy, n i sent Joan home around 2.30 am or so. by the time i reached home n bathed, it was like 3 plus already, but its ok cos sun we could sleep late.

n i woke up at 11.54 am on sunday! wow! slept like close to 9 hours lah! shoik man, after always struggling to wake up early for service on sunday ( i don't think i ever took public transport for JW service, maybe once or twice?) it felt good having a relaxing time, chilling with SF pple at woodlands KFC, then chilling out somemore at the NDP tentage area, joan n i really have a lot of fun with the SF pple, n its not just practicing n playing n performing, we usually talk about lots of other things, joke around n pair pple up, exchange tips on drumming n various other things, army stories, movies, etc.. just like family. well i have to admit, the intro sequence was quite badly done, especially the rock beat while moving, n rohan ended one bar late, which was quite bad n boon scolded us all after that. for myself, i've never played jam block with my hands so high up before n it kept slipping from my fingers. but even if i did raise my hands up all the way, i doubt many were actually watching me hit the jam block, n many simply forgot the rock beat or the 16 dance transition, which is quite frustrating for boon, i can understand.

but thankfully flightphesy (with 6 snares n 1 rapanik carried by yuhong) sounded pretty tight, n the new gimmick with prophesy went smoothly n nobody forgot anyting, except rohans part during the march, which was very funny, it happens like 50% of the time when we play flightphesy, either neo or whoever forgets to play that part! the crowd wasn't very engaging either, probably more concerned about eating their dinner (i think there were probably around 50 tables or so? quite a large number of woodlands pple) than watching the performances, but it doesn't matter cos we're still doing our best. the FHW was not too good, over all playing sounded tight, but volume went soft at certain parts, n we sped up n slowed down again at the usual parts, but at least it was together! the double UDM had no light, but other than that i think everything went smoothly, joan was dragged by boon to play in the nearer to the players of which she was quite stunned by boon pull her shirt to move her to the center of the players, i think the expression on her face must have been super funny! hahaha.. oh n she banned me from talking to LT for the day cos she says i'm always flirting with her! hahaha! oh man, she's like wat, 6 years younger than me leh! n she has too many guys chasing her liao, she doesn't need another one, hahaha.. noticed the usual players didn't play, lingling, chaokiat, rallen, julia, but still i think it was pretty alright, just that would've been better if we had 2-3 more support players. n another pseudo instead of rapanik! yuhong so big size carry the small rapanik, look like cartoon man! but an achievement is that joan finally managed to learn the whole FHW, albeit at a slower speed, but at least with some practice, she can replace me liao n i don't have to bring extra clothes or get wet or foot rot after playing UDM! hahaha.. just realised we've been playing for SF gigs 3 weekends in a row! no wonder i'm getting foot rot..

but today joan's getting her exams results n i'm very worried for her. i couldn't sleep properly (n probably neither could she) thinking about the possibilities n consequences. woke up this morning feeling as if i didn't sleep at all thru the night, which of cos is impossible. but my eyes feel pretty heavy, n i'm not in a condition to do any work, my arms n legs are aching whcih is kind of weird, why would my legs ache when my arms do the drumming? hahaha..

what an exhausting weekend! tonight meeting yishan n company, terence going army soon, n tml meeting bernard to buy insurance, then meeting janice for supper.. honestly i feel like cancelling on janice cos i think i'll be too tired to travel so much n stay out so late on a weeknight. i'll sms her n see if she can meet another time instead lor.. really so tired i dozed off twice just typing this! i know i know, slacking at office again.. but really no mood to work. wish i can take a few days off, just to really relax n go to the beach n enjoy a good time drinking ice cold drinks n watchin the sun set with joan.. will probably do that sometime next month. planning to join the function room for NDP countdown this saturday, haha..

i miss my JC friends, n N280 friends, n my other girl friends too. i mean yeah im attached so i can't meet them anymore, n we're all so busy with work n our own lives, its so hard to find time to meet up with friends these days.. n this year, NDP is on a saturday, not a weekday, sucks big time man.

but just a quick prayer for joan again:

God i pray that you really be with Joan n give her encouragement n strength even as she goes to collect her results, Holy Spirit fill her with joy of the Lord, and peace which surpasses all understanding, that You are with her to support n comfort her, that all things will work for the good of those who love You, that You will be there in such a tangible way, holding her up no matter what the results may be, that You will bless her with good academic results, she will get Bs and Cs and not fail any subject, that she will not have to repeat any module. It may be asking for a miracle, but God is a God of miracles, and surely You can come through for Your favourite daughter this time round, bless her n anoint her, that even in the midst of this, she can shine for You in the school, that her class mates will look up to her n many will be led by her to Christ. Please look after my baby, my sweet cute Joan, I commit her into Your loving hands. I trust You heavenly Father, with our lives, our future, and our relationship in Christ.

In Jesus name,
Amen!