Monday, March 31, 2008

What can you say to an old friend who's going away?

Well, she finally said she's leaving for Japan this coming sunday. 9.45 am at airport, which means if I were to send her off, I'd have to reach the airport at 7.45 am. Groan. How early is that? Oh well, I guess I'd go see her off (subject to approval from my girlfriend of course) cos its probably the last time I'm going to see her in like, maybe 1 or 2 years?

And really, who knows what can happen in those years? She might even decide to settle down in Japan if the work there pays her well enough. Apparently she's getting much more than what her local counterparts get.

Oh well, one thing that might draw her back would be her new boyfriend who bought her the white gold ring. For that, I'm pretty happy for her. Finally, a guy who adores her and treats her well, not like her previous boyfriends. I can finally stop worrying for her and rest assured that the powerful career alpha woman has finally met her match. Haha!

When I think about it, I realised that all my good friends somehow move out of Singapore.

Lewis has gone back to Holland, as well as his gangsta cousin Jonathan. (Well, I was never that close to Jonathan, but he was quite a nice fellow. And I was pretty close to his ex-girlfriend too even after they broke up, but even I have lost contact with Wudi when she went back to China.)

Jeff has gone to australia to study law, and I've sort of lost contact with him.

Jeremiah (the wacky Indian guitarist!) who was like my long lost brother in music has gone back to work in Malaysia.

Jessie has married Sean and they're staying in UK. (I realise my good friends' names mostly begin with J. LOL!)

And now, Ms Lena is going to Japan to work. (or L for that matter. Haha!)

To finally understand the meaning of those Shakespearan phrases, parting is such sweet sorrow. You know they have to go for their own good and purposes in life, so you're happy for them, and yet there is sorrow in losing a friend.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but they also say out of sight, out of mind. I wonder if these people still remember me or think of me as a good friend? Or they're too busy wrapped up in their own lives and problems to remember this lame skinny guy who once considered them good friends?

Oh well, I guess we'll all meet up in heaven some day. That's the most comforting thought I have, really. Thank God that we have eternal life, so that we don't just spend it with Him, we also get to spend time with many loved ones and friends who have made it to the pearly gates, and we'll have a great time celebrating and enjoying life in heaven. Or at least I hope I make it there and not the other place! Hahaha..

In the meantime, I pray that God reminds me not to take the people around me for granted, to treat my friends and family better, especially my dear beloved Joan. She's been so supportive these past few weeks when I'm feeling down, she's an absolute angel. *goofy grin*

To Lena (just in case I don't make it to the airport):

I know you read my blog every other week or so, and I do read yours too, and I guess that's the only way we'll keep each other updated on stuff that's happening in our lives. SMS is too expensive, perhaps Skype. But of cos nothing beats going out for a cup of coffee and engaging in our stimulating, challenging conversations / debates. Haha.

Congrats on your new boyfriend once again, may the Lord bless your LDR and may you 2 resolve your quarrels peacefully and quickly. Of cos I'm not going to be naive and wish you the perfect "quarrel-free" relationship, cos that's just plain absurd, cos this is real life, and we're all imperfect. But rather, pray that God is in the center of your relationship with him, so that He will watch over both of you, as He watches over Joan and I.

I've got nothing else to say, except to thank you for being a great friend to me all these 8 years, since pre-U seminar 2000! 8 years, amazing. Honestly, you're one of the longest friends I've had so far, and we didn't even cross over into that messy grey area of friendship/love/like nonsense. All those times when we bitched about our lives, exchanged ideas on Christianity and watched so many crappy shows together. Haha!

I'm glad to have been a part of your life, no matter how small or insignificant. All the best in your career in Japan, its a whole new culture and lifestyle! Go and show those Japanese what Singaporeans are made off (haha) and work your @$$ off, while enjoying life in the process! Hehz.. Take care, God bless, bon voyage!

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Confession time

Dear God..

Its been a long time. I know I've promised You time and again that I'd only live my life for Your purpose and do things which You want me to, and I don't want to live my life outside of the will of God, and yet time and again I've failed You.

I've not prayed or read the Bible ever since I started working. I've not really made much effort reaching out to new friends. I've not really tried to get to know the new cg members except maybe william and amanda, I've gossiped and slandered and complained and whined about everything that's wrong with them without realizing that everything is wrong with me. I've had my moments of glory in the Lord, but I've forgotten them all and instead chose to remember the times when Christians let me down, when times seem so bad as if God You Yourself had abandoned me.

There are usually two responses which I give in such situations: anger or depression.

When things don't go my way, when things don't turn out as I expected them to, I start to get angry and point the finger and shield myself from all responsibility by retreating and justifying the mistakes I made.

Or when things get too hot to handle and I start to get overwhelmed, I will run away and try to ignore the problems, or get into a bout of depression and feeling of being helpless, worthless and that life becomes meaningless.

But wait, is life really that bad for me? God You have brought me so far already. Like what Jennifer sms me last night, hang on, keep on keeping on, God has a hope for me, a great future for me. Joan reminded me last night, that Pastor Kong himself prayed and prophesied over me many years ago when I was in hollywood church, the early days of City Harvest, when I had nothing to boast of, when I was just a young kid wondering who God is.

And you gave me such a powerful revelation today.

its sometimes so ironic. I was rushing out of the house this morning and I actually hopped into a cab and realised I didn't bring my wallet! I had to call Joan to loan me some money.

Then when I came into church, somehow I had a seat in the front 3 rows. And then pastor Tan came up after worship and prayed the prayer, as if he was speaking just to me.

About me losing my fire for God, losing my passion, thinking that as an adult I have more important things like money and job and other worldly issues to worry about, but deep in my heart I yearn to come back to God and experience Him in such a way again like I did in my youth.

Then while pastor Tan was praying, You spoke to me so audibly, so clearly, I will never for a moment belive that it was my imagination or that God is not real in my life.

Here you are, weiwen. Just like 8 years ago, in the same position when You met me. Without a single cent in your name, your pockets empty, your heart heavy with problems of which you have no solution, your life seemingly perfect on the outside but you're crying out for help on the inside. Have you not known Me before? Have I not called you my Son, in whom I am well pleased? Have I not sent my only son Jesus to die for you on the cross? Not just for the world and the millions of people, but also for You?

Your heart is hardened and cold, the things you've went through I understand perfectly. The people who hurt you, I've felt the same hurt. But you have someone to turn to now. You know the solution to those problems is not a method, not an idea, but the solution is to return to your first love.

Nothing can seperate you from the love of God, child. I don't care what other people think of you, I don't care what mistakes and sins you've done, I don't even care if you feel so lousy about yourself. I only care about you, I only love you.

When You said these words to me, I cried. and i cried. and i cried. God, its been such a long time since i experienced You in such a tangible way, since You spoke to me, since i had such a powerful encounter. I want more of this, more of You in my life, more of the holy spirit.

I will pick myself up from the pieces, I will not be proud and haughty anymore, I will try my best to submit to my leaders. God kill the pride in my life. The bible says the 3 things that God hates, the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life. These things will bring a man's downfall. But God i pray that You remove these from my life, even as I make a decision today, to straighten out my life for You, to pray and read the Bible and worship and seek You morning n night every single day, no matter what it takes.

So what if I can't be a cell group leader? So what if I'm not working in the biggest law firms? So what if I'm not a good musician? So what if Christians have let me down before?

Jer 29:11 for i know the thougths i have towards you, says the Lord, thoughts not to harm you or to hurt you, but to prosper you, to give you a future and a hope.

I'm not brought into a perfect world, nor can I expect Christians to be perfect. I can't expect myself to change immediately, or for circumstances to magically change into perfect conditions. and by God's word, I don't want any of this to happen. I want You to mould me and change me, then use me to shine in the marketplace, so be a reflection of Jesus to the world that I am in.

I've made the decision, its going to be difficult and tough. But I know YOu will always be there for me, so its ok.

Its time to seek Your face, to feel Your warmth, to be immersed in Your love once again.

Thank You for bringing me back into Your home. I love you Lord.

In Jesus name I pray,
Amen.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Disclaimer to all

Note that this blog is meant for close friends of mine, for myself to keep track of events in my life, and for certain prayers that I need to put down in words cos they're more important or shall I say, more impactful than the spoken word.

It is not meant to condemn or put anyone down (most of the time!). If anyone felt insulted or offended at anything I've written, well, honestly, don't read it.

Blogs are an expression of a person's thoughts, his emotions, his frustrations, his hopes and dreams. They're not meant to be politically correct, naseatingly fake, over polite or to be taken at face value.

Anyway at the end of the day, whatever goes down here also goes up there, I'm held accountable to Him for everything I write (not just say) and even the things I think and choose not to verbalise. So rest assured, if I do or say anything which I shouldn't, in the words of Robin:

God will judge me. *grinz*

So when you read stuff on this blog, take a break, relax, don't get all edgy and critical and worked up over a couple of words on a screen. Know the true person I am, the different sides of me, the thoughts I have about particular subjects, etc.

If you don't like it, go ahead, leave a comment n flame me. Or, you can just choose not to read. I don't owe it to you to censor my blog from you. You owe it to yourself to decide what to read and what not to.

But rest assured, I'm not targetting anyone. Just a disclaimer in general, so nobody can say I didn't warn them about the mature (or sometimes totally immature!) language and themes of my blog. Haha.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Dedicated to my readers. Thank you! =)

I never realised that so many people still read my blog until once in a while I get SMSes and emails and phone calls from different people, telling me to cheer up, to solve my problems this way and that, asking whether everything is alright and all. I'm really quite surprised and touched at the concern that you guys (and girls) have for me. hehz...

Though I don't usually get comments (hint hint!) I know that you are still dropping by every once in a while to keep up to date in whats happening on in my life. only real friends bother to find out what is going on in their friend's life!

Anyway I've been rather busy for the past few days, been working till 8.30 pm since last Thursday. On Tues night I still remember, by the time I stepped out of the office, I was the last one in my entire office to leave! As I was concentrating on work while blasting music (after office hours I usually log onto imeem) and rushing to finish, I didn't even notice that ALL the office staff and lawyers had left, so imagine my surprise when around 8.30 pm I walked out of the room expecting to chit chat with my colleague or someone, the place was so dark! Only one row of lights outside my room were on, and my office is right at the end of the corridor (at the corner of the building actually, kind of cool) so I couldn't hear the opening and closing of the door when people leave.

Kind of creepy being all alone in the office, but then again, I did feel a sense of achievement. haha! My first time leaving office as the Last Person to leave! Hahaha.. Well, I still had work, and I could've brought work home to do, (these days I email my hotmail account with work when I know that I can't finish my work) but I thought what the heck, I've done enough work for a day! I need a life too!

Anyway I've just stumbled upon Soo Huei and Luke's blog while blog-surfing (okay, I was taking a short break cos my boss was happy with my work today and said I might not need to come back to office during the holiday, so I was feeling pretty good) and I'm amazed that they're still regularly updating their blogs! oh well, Luke's blog had a link to an interesting article which caused me to reply to his blog, and that took a rather long time. haha. But anyway the point is this. Luke was really passionate about what he was writing and that sort of reminded me of what I am doing in my job. Do I really have a passion for corporate law? Do I really care how companies are regulated, how they affect the stock market, how businessmen backstab each other while lawyers look on cheerfully and urge them on?

Quite truthfully, I do like my job now. But sometimes, it does get a bit mundane and boring. But when I think about the connections and the opportunities, the money and the benefits of being a lawyer (you get a lot of free food, next Tues i'm going to another briefing at The Executives Club where the media, economic analysts, big bosses of companies and big lawyers will be there too), and of course, the prestiege that comes with it. Haha, you know what I mean right? When I'm meeting up some friends at a party or meeting people..

(oh wait gotta rush back to work.. To be continued..)

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Depressing news

First up, bird flu in hongkong. I wanna go there for a nice getaway holiday with Joan, for some sight seeing n some shopping n for HK disneyland. why'd the bird flu have to go n kill 5 pple there?? i hope the sickness goes away soon, if not the health hazard will not only harm the economy, it'll force me to think of other places to go for holiday as well.. sigh..

Next up, my good friend M and boyfriend brokeup. They just got together in end Nov in 2007! I mean, what is that guy's problem? they liked each other for many years, i think around 2-3 years liao, how can he break a girl's heart like that? does he know that M has been in love with him for more than 7 years? since she was in secondary school all the way till this year when she hits 21 years old? what the hell is his problem? trying to be super spiritual n going to SOT isn't going to change a goddamned fact that he started the relationship n now ends it. i don't get it, why bother to get into a 5 month relationship and then end it to focus on God? is that a good reason? honestly, would God tell 2 pple in love to leave each other to focus on Him, or will He use both of them to strengthen each other's faith? Christians like him make me sick. Honestly.. i can't believe it. (edited on march 24)

Finally worst hit of the day, my cell group is being disbanded. i've been in this CG for hardly 3 months n then next month, we're all going to be in different CG liao. i can't believe it. this totally sucks man. if i'd known this was going to happen, i'd have stayed in my own CG right? damn it man.. i was just getting to know some of the pple better, n i'm pretty glad to be with soohuei n qingni n amanda n william.. of cos there's some pple i don't like, but of cos i still treasure them as CG members. i really did try to make an effort to get to know them better, but still i guess it was in vain wasn' t it? we'll be split into different groups of 2 or 3 n sent to different zone. i mean, not just different CGs, but different ZONE altogther? what the heck logic is that? at first i just thought its becos there hasn't been any new friends for awhile. but then again, adult CGs don't usually have that many new friends as youth CGs right? n we did have sansan n ivan join us last month, and Boon joining us for the past 2 weeks. william suggested that charmaine's too busy so need Aiming to take over her CG. is that really a valid reason, if it is a reason at all? all this is of cos, mere speculation, but then again, if they don't tell us the reason, how can they expect us to not speculate?

More of the "just put your faith in God" kind of B.S.? or is it the "listen n obey the leaders of the church" kind of preaching? sorry i don't belive in blind brainless faith.

I'm almost going to say i want to leave all of this crap behind me n move on. I've got a life, I've got a career, I've got a girlfriend, I've got good friends, why the heck do I need to keep submitting myself to needless irritating changes in cell group systems, immature inexperienced cockanathan leaders and then get all fired up in the end? because i love God n promised to do whatever it takes to serve Him?

how is this serving the will of God? breaking a girl's heart after leading her on for so long? seperating friends who have just started building the bonds of friendship?

I have no answer, do You?

Friday, March 14, 2008

Additional notes on the previous week =)

Oh yeah,before I forget, I better write down the interesting things that occured last weekend at Jane's birthday! The "yishan-toonsiong" saga begins! Hahaha.. i think he's a nice guy, a bit weird looking but overall a decent kind of guy, suitable for yishan. compared to the other suitor, or shall i say ex-suitor, this guy has the appropriate height, maturity n similar interests as yishan, so i would give him the green light. haha! think he owes me a treat man, yishan will only take further steps in a relationship with her big brother's approval! hehz..

oh n did i mention how nice jane's friends were? some helped her BBQ food, some prepared the cake, all gave her gifts n showered her with attention n everyone was smiling n making merry. some of her friends are quite friendly too, if we get Jane saved, i think she has the potential to bring in a LOT of new friends lah! haha.. since at that age, they're still pretty open n out going. i wonder how should i celebrate my birthday this year.. 26 years old liao, no longer the age for "chalet" or birthday parties lah. hahaha.. n it just so happens that my birthday falls on a sunday! excellent, weekends pple are generally more free n willing to meet up for celebrations. haha..

oh yes, on another issue, lena is flying to japan on april 6, which is like 3 weeks from now, on sunday morning. think i'll send her off before going for service lah. can get to see the 2 guys who are chasing her n help her to select which one is worth waiting for. she's gonna be gone for 1.5 years, honestly i think just see which guy has the patience to wait for her without fooling around with other girls lah. simple solution right? hahaha..

next weekend is easter liao, i haven't invited anyone yet, the postcards are still in my bag. sianz... somehow the evangelism thingy is getting to be annoying n a pain in the neck, but i'll try to find someone to drag down for easter, cos if i don't, cgl will be lecturing us liao. haha. maybe joey or christina or someone that i still keep contact with who is not in church! hahaha.. unfortunately, most of my friends are already christians or in church. or at least those that i bother to keep in touch with.

alright time to go for meeting.. ciao

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Been such a tiring week!

2 more gigs coming up, one this Saturday afternoon and another next Tues night! Yeah! Can't wait to play for gigs again, possibly playing lead this time around. Well, not lead but the rapanik (not sure of spelling) at least, haha.

Past few days been working till 8.30 pm or so, last night I left office at 7 pm, then got recalled back to do work until almost 8.20! I was so annoyed but no choice lah, have to work means have to work. Thank God for such an understanding and loving girlfriend.. Joan, I'm so sorry I had to rush back to work after meeting you at 7.15 pm, I shouldn't make you wait for me all the time.. But I guess this is working life, at least for the next 2-3 years, I'm at the beck n call of the bosses, if I need to stay means I need to stay back n do work, even if its the boss's fault for not being free to vet my work when I am ready to submit in the day time. I should be getting permission to work from home soon, so next time at least I can go home n do my work. The office is somehow too cold n too white. The white walls are simply too glaring! I can't work in such a boring environment, when I sign on contract to work, I will bring in your birthday cards to decorate the walls, and bring some of my display figurines to line the table! hahaha.. for now its juts cluttered with books, documents, files and folders.

Anyway it was great to hang out with the cg members again! Had a great time at the pizza place, and LAN gaming after that! It was good meeting phebe n mark n the rest, it really felt like old times again! not like my current cg, which doesn't even bother to meet me up. oh, i'm sure the NTU gang do meet up to the exclusion of everyone else. sigh. i can even fit into joan's cg, where my friends like bowen, sweekeng, mikki, and the kids like edward, samantha, germaine n sherry really look up to me like a big brother n friend. i still don't feel acceptance in my new cg, or rather, there's no real unity among the pple there... n wat can I do about it besides pray for more unity? anyway i've yet to have a prayer conf call with cheeweng over the phone, cos i'm really quite tired by the time i get home. oh well, excuses are a dime a dozen. haha!

not attending cg tml cos of sf practice. love hanging out with those fun-loving crazy pple! haha..

oops back to work again.. =P

Monday, March 10, 2008

So many things to do, and Easter is coming!

Things are getting better in the cg, somehow or other. I guess I got to see things positively and not negatively, and always be transformed by the renewing of my mind according to God's Word. I was really busy for the 2nd half of last week, and had a nice time at the musuem on Saturday with Joan, although my feet really really ached after that (and to think I still went jogging with Clarence on sat night n supper at prata house at 1 am!). Sunday passed by super quickly as usual, I didn't even do anything much, just woke up at 11 am, attended service, went for strikeforce, helped fix some osaka drums at the warehouse, and before I knew it, it was like past 9 pm liao! I wonder where has all the time flown to! I was super tired by the time I got home, and even this morning my legs still ache. I really am getting old liao! Last time such little activity wouldn't have had any effect on my whatsoever lor!

But at least I found out that Sansan is quite a nice person. Also talked to Jobi a bit, though he had to rush off after service. Aiming is asking me to do follow up on him, which is a bit difficult,seeing that he's so different from me n we don't have much in common to talk about. Nevertheless I'll try to meet him up for lunch or something in the week..

Also, still haven't found anyone to go for the concert with me! Are singaporeans really that boring n won't fork out a bit of money to go to a concert? haiz.. wish pple were more into music over here, as compared to the US and Japan, singaporeans are tame n lame n stingy n won't even spend a $100 on a ocncert ticket. and yet, teeny boopers will spend hundreds of dollars for wannabe pop stars like Rain, when they don't even understand what the hell he is singing, don't appreciate the musicallity (of what little there is of it) in his songs, and only go there to scream at how good-looking he is. so pathethic!

But Easter is coming, n i haven't really any friends whom i can invite. i've been too busy wrapped up with things in my own life to really bother about reaching out actively these few months. I will repent n try my best for these 2 weeks before the actual easter drama! think i'll go to expo one to watch, don't really like the crampness of jrong west. cab fare also more expensive at JW!

ok time for me to get back to work liao..

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

This is interesting

An exchange over facebook for a few days led to this. I will not reveal who the person is of course, I ensure confidetiality to whomever I quote from.

Person:

I don't know if it is really all that wise to start a group claiming to be out to search for the terrorist guy.. they have internet access you know. For all you know, they may have seen your group already and you might have endangered yourself (and others who actually joined your group) unnecessarily... remember, terrorists don't think reasonably...And for the record, while you were away from cg yesterday, ivan lim (the new member guy) smsed Shan Shan at about 8pm telling us that they have info that the guy was spotted at Ten Mile Junction about slightly before that time (in case you didn't know, that is the other mall across the street from my house. the one that is NOT bukit panjang plaza.) So yes, i wouldn't advise you to do something like this for your own safety.

My reply:

haha it probably isn't him right? if they caught him it'll be in the news. probably hiding in malaysia or indonesia liao

Person:

i don't think they caught him... i think that was just someone saying they spotted him. The last update before that was that he was seen at choa chu kang. But yeah, he's probably in malaysia by now. Especially since my mom's friend's husband is the cabby who dropped him off at marsilling the day he escapes. lol

My reply:

you're kidding right? or is it like some gossp fabricated by aunties to make life interesting? =P anyway most imp thing is that he's not in a position to cause any harm to singapore.. imagine how the economy would suffer even if there's an unsuccessful attempt at terrorist activity!and the facebook group thingy is just out of curiousity n boredom. work gets mundane n i need to do something different or crazy every few hours. i dunno, post-teenager syndrome perhaps. lol.

Person:

dun think it's a fabrication... my mom's the epitome of a legalist rmb? n there is this bible thing abt lying being a sin and all tt.... hand in hand w gossiping n rumor-mongering.then again, she's also quite gullible when it comes to current affairs and such hahawell, let's jus hope ur insanity as a result of stress doesn't endanger ur life yeah. smts it's onli prudent to think before u act on anything - esp on e net. it's not as ellusive or annonymus or wtv as u may thinik. n it has been proven terrorists n terrorist sypathises do check e web for anti terrorist comments n such

My reply:

whats wtv?

Person:

wtv = whatever

My reply:

so like, honestly, what's yr take on our cg? lets say a few criteria, spirituality, commitment, unity, friendliness, and erm, probably punctuality? hahaha...

Person:

punctuality is a big big BIG problem.... -_- I'm not as anal about it now as I used to be cuz I'm not really the cg seat-booker anymore, but back then, i was really really annoyed about how people woll come strolling into the hall just before service or in the middle of praise and worship and how the usher is always chasing me about the members and when they're coming. But those days for me, are over - for now anyway. If a day should come when I don't need to serve choir every week anymore, and I go back to booking seats, I'm going to return to playing the game of "who comes first gets the seat and who comes too late will have to find his/her own". Anyway, considering I haven't been with the cg during P&W for a while, I guess it would be inaccurate on my view of the cg punctuality since I can't exactly see what is happening from stage.

commitment wise, I think it's a problem for all of us from time to time; you know, how sometimes you just have this thought that goes "argh... again?" and you cringe when you're told we have another conference call or another prayer meeting (happens to me alot especially cuz I'm busy busy busy juggling ever so many things) Overall... well I guess my beef with the cg int his area would be how even someone like me can be more regular for CG and service than... well.. let's not list names. You know who are our regular MIA cases lah (and they're not exactly 'new' members anymore yano)

unity... well... I can tell the NTU people are pretty much united together, and Chen Guo is pretty much integrated with them, watching them, sometimes makes me feel left out. But oh well, I suppose it's my own fault too cuz I don't have the time to hang out with them isn't it. The working people naturally spend even lesser time with the CG (especially Grace and Qing Ni - I only see them like super briefly once or twice a week before they run off for work/usher) - bad question to ask me actually, I keep having lingering memories of my W283 days and the kind of unity we had then. yeah I know it's unfair to compare CGs but you can't help memories after all. I guess with that phasing through my mind from time to time, I don't really feel satisfied lah. I don't expect the same thing from this CG though, after all it's true that quite a bit of the unity from my ex CG comes from us being the same age, and going through the same phase of life at that time (so we automatically totally understood each other), if not we just really had the same interests, plus as less than uni students (we were mostly JC kids) we had more free time to fellowship, chill out... just spend time with each other doing fun things lah. Think the only person back then who wasn't really in the loop was Ai Ming. ironically. lol.

Spiritualiy-wise, we're all wanting right, who am I to judge? I have my ups and downs, and my own difficulties keeping the spiritual disciplines sometimes as I'm sure everyone else does. So yeah, i don't have much to say here.

Friendliness... err... ok lah. People are not hostile; they will have reasonably fun conversations as if everyone like really knows each other as long as you're willing to participate, so ya, it's ok lor. Maybe we can treat new friends better? I don't know... I suck with the new friends thing cuz I don't know how to talk to strangers =p It's a problem I have even when I myself am put into 'new' social situations.

My reply:

haha wow i honestly didn't expect such a long reply.. its almost like blogging a new post.. (by the way do you blog? i know some pple who actually don't blog.. lol!) but i guess u want to know the reason why i asked right?
for u coming from W283 and then into this new cg was a pretty drastic change right? and since u grew up with them n everything, the feeling in this new cg is like, a bit weird, a bit distant, a bit unfamiliar right? and reading yr reply, was like assurance that i'm not alone in feeling the same way..

a bit of history of my life in CHC (haha if u're bothered to continue reading this snoozefest) since I came into CL zone.. I was under yujie in W173, then we multiplied twice, then i ended up in shaun's cg cos yujie step down from CGL to go to BBG, then we multiplied again, i ended up with Ivan, then with Valerie Lim, now with Aiming.. and i was playing in the zone band with Faji, so you could say i'm quite close to the leaders cos i know all of them personally. but then thing that bothers me a lot is that the cg isn't very close as my previous cgs.. i've been in many different cgs, but after a short while i usually warm up to them cos the cg is already quite united. but in our cg when i came i already felt the disunity when i stepped into yr house.. i know it may sound exaggerated n maybe its just that i miss my old cg members or perhaps fatigue from work or what.. so i dismissed it as nothing. i was pretty eager to do something, to bring in new friends, etc.. but my enthusiasm died down after awhile. not entirely dead yet of cos, but its dwindling.. haha.. of cos i've talked to aiming n she really is trying her best to get everyone to fellowship more n such, but she's working n pretty busy too (n still single to boot) so i guess its really up to the members to make things happen.n yes i know what u mean by feeling left out when the NTU pple start talking among themselves n doing their own thing. n while having fun conversations can be good, i don't like superficial chatting all the time, u know what i mean right? haha.. no, i am not mr spiritual n only talk serious stuff, but it feels weird just talking lame jokes all the time with no substance.

as for punctuality, u're pretty much right. i was shocked literally, one week i was gonna be late n took a cab down n reach 15 min before svc, i was already apologising to aiming for being late, but only hanning was there, with the choir pple getting ready to go on stage. i don't know about this cg, but in previous cgs, we always arrive 30 min to an hour before svc at least. n for goodness sake, most of them live in the west right? then there was one time before svc the only pple there were the NTU pple n they were talking so excitedly among themselves n when i tried to join in they just replied politely n resumed their conversation. u know how that feels? if it wasn't for God, i would've walked out of the hall. but of cos i gotta learn to accept that i'm a stranger to them, as far as they're concerned.

250th post! That's a lot of blogging.. haha..

The time now is 4.26 pm on a Tues afternoon and I've officially finished my work for the day! Hahaha.. oh well I mean I still have some stuff to clear, but not urgent, so I'm taking a short break to relieve some stress and whine about things again, like what most pple do on their blogs. Haha..

Caught Sweeny Todd last night with Joan. a rather bloody musical with nice songs and beautiful makeup and lighting, creepy deathly atmosphere but not such a good ending. not really fantastic lah, but still pretty good singing from johnny depp. kind of expected the ending, but what happened to his daughter n the young girly man she planned to run away with?

As usual i thought i could've written a much better ending.

the daughter, somehow having a gut feeling that she is connected to sweeny todd, follows him into the basement but hides behind something, watching him while recognising her mother, and smiles while he kills the ugly woman who loves him. then just when Sweeny todd is kneeling n crying over the death of his wife, and the little boy sneaks behind him to kill him for killing his "mother", the girl shows herself, shocking both sweeny todd and the young boy, who stumbles and drops the razor. sweeny recovers himself, realises the blonde girl is his daughter and turns around just in time to see the boy trying to kill him. sweeny avoids the blade, grabs it from the boy and wants to slice his neck, but seeing the daughter, becomes overcome with guilt and pain, tells both of them to get out while he pushes the fire place over, causing the whole basement to burn as he screams in pain being burned alive, and at the last moment cuts his own neck to atone for his grissly murders. blonde girl, boyfriend, and small boy run away n live happily together far away from london, possibly as different pple in america, and how do they make a living? Boyfriend and young boy operate a pie shop while above, Sweeny's daughter continues with her barber business, taking the evil nature and gothic looks of her father!

doesn't that sound like an ending befitting the dark and grim movie? rather than the little boy killing sweeny and then the movie abruptly ends. sucky ending man!! doesn't my ending rock?! hahaha.. hollywood writers eat my shorts.

I'm kinda tired and wanna get a good night's rest tonight, so i'm not plannig to meet anyone or do anything, just go home, grab dinner, have a nice hot bath and hop into bed. maybe go for a short jog with clarence around 10.30? i think exercising actually makes my body healthier n i can concentrate on my work better after some exercise. but honestly i feel rather lazy today, plus i'm still coughing a bit. might or might not go jog.

still waiting for the money from SF gigs to be deposited to my bank, yesterday jennifer took my account number liao, so I hope its gonna be at least $500. hahaha.. i want lots of money, i wanna be so rich n prosperous, i can use money as confetti for my wedding. hahaha..

Monday, March 03, 2008

3 gigs, 2 quarrels, 1 movie and a busy Monday morning..

3 SF gigs over the weekend starting from friday night (aviva), sat (coke zero) and sun (HSBC women's golf tournament) really wore me out physically.

The movie Leap Years wasn't too bad, except for the several holes in the plots, unexplained things, abrupt cut scenes, cheesy lame script at times, utterly unromantic audience who kept laughing and making idiotic comments, lack of chemistry between the lead actors and actresses, and for the fact that I think I could've improved on the story line and end the movie with a bang, rather than a fizzle.

At the start of the show, you see a middle aged guy in hospital, possibly in a coma. Wife looks on helplessly (Joan Chen! they actually had some budget to get a hollywood star this time! wow!) at him n thinks back to the past. hahaha.. how cheesy right?

4 little girls who grow up into a group of bimbos. the main star is the one born on 29 jan (wong li lin of cos, one of the reasons why i actually bother to watch the movie in th first place, she's pretty hot for her age, haha) and dreams of meeting the guy of her dreams (no pun intended) on her birthday on feb 29. turn out they do meet but he is flying away from singapore (to where? for what purpose? and why is he carrying a bag of toy fans? totally no story development) and so they arrange to meet again on feb 29 the following leap year. (like what the heck, haven't they heard of phones, email, internet, etc?) by that time he's married and has a daughter. oh, and he tells her that AFTER they have sex. DUH. she gets pissed runs away, and then the fourth leap year gets married on (guess what?) feb 29. (the 3rd leap year she meets him at the cafe and pretends she's married and moved on with her life. the stupid things that a girl would do to get revenge eh? u hurt me so i gotta hurt u back, even if its even more painful for me. soooo stupid.) do a quick count. the first leap year was when she was 24. 3 leap years later, she's like, 36? and in between the leap years, she presumably does no dating n works like arobot? and of cos, last min at the wedding, she runs away to find the guy at the same place where they meet every leap year. get this, from the hotel she gets into a cab, then next scene u see her running so dramatically through heavy rain across the bridge (the one near the One fullerton hotel) and even an idiot has to laugh at the stupidity of this scene. why doesn't she take a cab to the cafe and meet him? is this supposed to hint at how difficult it is to get a cab at hotels? hahaha.. then of cos she meets the guy, he tells her that the mother of his daughter is dead and she's supposed to be the replacement mum. she gets amazingly happy n they embrace, then cut scene back to the hospital. apparently, after the happy couple get together, something happened which made the guy comatose. wife n daughter are sad, but of cos, the date is feb 29, n he miraculously wakes up from coma, the wife vandalises the glass wall with the word OK, then walks in and hugs the husband first, then the stupid daughter realises the door is open and walks in as well. i can't describe the scene correctly, you must see it for yourself to see how stupid ridiculously funny this last scene was.

and of cos, if i were the script writer, i would've linked the guy in a coma to the runaway bride at the wedding mah! like that then makes sense to the audience right? here's how MY ending would've been:

at the wedding night, after getting the letter from her dream guy, she runs out to find him at the cafe. she finds him there waiting for her, then dramatically carries his daughter up for her to see (she is across the road.) the little girl smiles and then he puts her down. then as the lovelorn couple runs toward each other in the middle of the road, a truck knocks the guy down, his daughter screams, wong li lin comforts her and this explains the whole issue of why he is in a comma.

brilliant isn't it? hahahaha... catherine lim, you got pwned.

and yes, i'm using my lunch hour to blog cos i'm bogged down with work the whole morning its horrible. like walking into a war zone when i stepped into office in the morning.

nothing much to say about the gigs, except that they were over all quite good, esp sunday's gig at the tanah merah golf course, and we had a fun time celebratin boon's birthday (again.) n ate the expensive punggol nasi lemak.

one whole weekend flew past just like tat. of cos i can describe the dramatic walking out of service part on sunday morning cos i was pissed off over some stuff, but i promised Joan i wouldn't blog the bad stuff down, only the good stuff. haha..

hope i can play at more weekend gigs and give me excuse to pontang jurong west service! irritating man, so far away, take cab so expensive. at least expo cab fare is like $13 plus, JW is like $17 plus man! furthermore, i'm much closer to the SF pple than my own cg pple, good friends like millie, ian, neo, chowkiat, robin, yuhong and many others. dunno why i wanted to transfer cg n thought adult cg would be better for me.. sighz. but then again, i'm too old to stick around in a youth cg liao.

sian just got scolding from boss, better get back to work. LOL...